Don't you want to be a better parent? The Intentional Parenting Plan (TIPP) challenges parents to think and plan for their child's life. Covering eight areas of parenting, parents are asked to respond to questions that help them clarify what they want for the child. The purpose of completing the plan is for parents to be able to visualize the image that they want for the child. Through examining their thoughts about character, image, health and wellness, home life, education, finances, and the world, parents are asked to develop a written plan (included in the book) for the child. This plan will guide parents in the growth and development of the child. Most parents spend more time planning a child's first birthday party than they do in planning for any area of the child's life, including spiritual training and education. Many of us take for granted that there will always be enough time and enough information available to us in order for us to make sound on-the-spot decisions. Many vital decisions in child-rearing are left open to chance; a chance that we will make the right decision; a chance that our child will grow up and become the person we desire that they become; a chance that others will interact in positive and meaningful ways with our child; and a chance that our child will learn to plan her/his own life. We take these chances, not because we do not care enough to plan our child-rearing practices, but because no one has ever really challenged us to pause long enough to think about and to think through what it means to parent intentionally with a specific purpose in mind. TIPP is designed to assist parents in putting on paper deliberate and planned actions that will help them in successful child-rearing.
The Intentional Parenting Plan
TIPPBy Veda Pendleton McClainAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 Veda Pendleton McClain
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4389-9740-7Contents
Dedication.......................................................vAcknowledgements.................................................viiPreface..........................................................xiBeginning to Think and Plan......................................1Understanding Your Purpose.......................................11Your Family Profile..............................................13Your Family Goals................................................17Shaping Character, Conversation, and Conduct.....................21Creating a Godly Image...........................................39Minding Your Temple: Health and Wellness.........................45Cultivating Your Home Life.......................................55Parenting Matters................................................69Focusing on Education............................................81Facing Finances..................................................93Exploring the World..............................................103Parting Words - A Conclusion.....................................111Appendix A - Scriptures..........................................113Appendix B - Examples............................................129Your TIPP........................................................131Glossary of Terms................................................149Resources and Other Thinking Tools...............................150Author's Note....................................................153About the Author.................................................155
Chapter One
Beginning to Think and Plan
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Philippians 4:8
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." Matthew 7:24-27
"I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and put them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." Luke 6:47-49
No one begins building a house without giving serious consideration to the plans for building it. The plans serve as directions for how the house will be built, where each room will be located, how big the rooms will be, and what materials will be used in constructing the house. Within the plans are additional plans for the foundation, electrical wiring, plumbing, flooring, wall materials, lighting, roofing, etc. that make it clear to the builders just how the contractor or the owner wants the finished product to look. Those plans call for careful thought about how and where each feature of the house will be and how it will look as well as an estimated budget for building the house. Even with those clearly and carefully designed plans, there are flaws in materials and sometimes even in workmanship due to human error and frailty. Nothing that is manmade is perfect, and it can never be perfect.
The same is true of designing and building cars, computers, telephones, furniture, bridges, televisions, and any other manmade creation. Wherever there is a creation, a plan was first created and developed with careful consideration of the proposed product or outcome and its potential usage. In each case, the designer had or has a plan.
In business, there are organizational charts, vision and mission statements, along with strategic plans that chart the course for the company. These plans have specific goals, a timeline, and actions outlined so that members of the organization can know, understand, and follow the company's plans. These plans exist for purpose and clarity of mission so that the desired outcome is reached. Although such plans are common and expected in manmade creations and organizations, most of us rarely if ever think of having such a plan for child rearing, and therefore, do not plan as intensely or intentionally for the lives of our children.
Creating and Rearing Children
Creating and rearing children should involve intense and intentional planning before, during, and after the birth of the child. This planning should begin with an idea of the purpose for the family and for the child. From that sense of purpose should emerge a plan for the growth and development of the child as a contributing member of the family.
Creating and rearing children is not always planned, and even when parents prepare for the birth of a child, rarely do they take the time and actually plan and write down their plans for rearing the child. Many parents have indicated that they do not have a written plan, a plan that someone else could pick up and implement in the event of a catastrophic illness, prolonged absence, or even death. Most parents have ideas about how they would want their child to be reared, but no one to date has acknowledged having a thoughtfully written plan for their child. Just like in building a house, there are plans, parents need specific plans for what they would ideally like to see happen in the lives of their children that will help them grow and develop into successful adults.
The Intentional Parenting Plan
The Intentional Parenting Plan (TIPP) is the beginning of such a plan for parents as they work to rear their children. I truly believe that each parent does the best that he/she knows to do with their child. They do the best with the knowledge, understanding, and faith that they have. When more knowledge is gained in a particular area, parents begin to make the necessary changes that are in the best interests of their child. Many times because of a lack of understanding, parents, like other humans, sometimes make choices and decisions that are not in the best interests of their child. These decisions sometimes send the family spiraling out of control or at least in an undesirable direction, and it takes months and sometimes years for the family situation to be remedied and reconciled in meaningful ways that turn around a poor decision.
TIPP is an attempt to help parents think, reflect, and make thoughtful decisions through planning ahead for what they want to see happen in the life of each child; that is, before a decision is made about the rearing of the child. This is not an easy task, nor is it one that should be taken lightly or done in haste. Thoughtful planning and decision-making requires a combination of close self-examination, prayer, knowledge, and insight into human nature. These are all aspects of life that affect who we become as we interact with others in the world. In other words, there are no easy answers and there is no single answer that will work for every child or family. Even children within the same household will have differing emotional, spiritual, educational, physical, and disciplinary needs that parents will need to consider as they develop and write their child-rearing plans. As you think and plan for rearing your child, explore whatever is Godly. The Apostle Paul encourages us to think on ideas that are "noble, true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy" as we live our lives. And so it is ideas that can be described as such that we should use as we develop our plans. These are the essentials that are needed in order to rear godly children.
TIPP is only the beginning, and it will change as the needs of your family grow and change. Like other parents, I did not have a written plan as my older children were growing up, but with time and experiences, I began to make plans on paper, sometimes on napkins or envelopes that guided my thinking and actions in child-rearing. That lack prompted this plan.
My Plan
Early when my oldest child was still a toddler, I began to realize that I was going to have to plan her life. It meant that any plans that I made for my life had to include thoughts and ideas about how my plans would affect her life. The plans became a plan, a plan for me and my family.
It would be many years before I would ever write down any plans, but I always kept a mental image of what I wanted an adult child of mine to look like. I knew that success in school was important. I knew that I wanted each child to have a relationship with Jesus. I knew that I wanted each child to value relationships and people over material possessions. I also knew that there were core values that I wanted each child to have that could and would transcend time and place. These were core values that I had been taught as a child and they were the ones that have served as my guide and propellers in life.
And so, in every situation as I studied each child, I began to make mental plans for their lives and what I hoped they would look like as adults. I studied the situation and each child and what I needed to do as the parent in order to shape the child's behavior and response in the situation. In observing the child, I was challenged to think about the child's natural inclination and what would be needed to properly shape the will and actions of the child. I also thought about how I would want the child to behave in my absence should a similar situation occur again. I decided I wanted the child to be prepared to respond and to act appropriately to any situation by thinking first and learning to keep their heads in all situations.
My plans consisted of prioritizing people and then other activities and possessions. Church and family were first. School and getting an education were second. Extra-curricular activities and friends were third, and television and video games were last. Time was allotted for each area of the plan depending on the priority placement on the list, with church, family, and school taking up the bulk of the time.
This worked for my family. There is no silver bullet or wisdom in a bottle that guarantees anything about a human being. There are way too many variables, distractions, and frailties in humanity to guarantee success. There are, however, some basics that could form a firm foundation for positive human growth and development. These basics are the rock, the firm foundation that serves to keep us focused and well through any situation. That foundation must be rooted and grounded in someone who is greater than we are. That someone is Jesus Christ. These basics are the source of the development of this plan. By thinking through the answers to questions about issues parents face daily, parents can begin for formulate a plan for child rearing. This plan can and will provide parents with answers before a situation arises.
Matthew and Luke tell us the importance of building our houses on the rock, the firm foundation of a life in Christ. And so it is in child rearing that we should plan and build the lives of our children on the teachings that we get from the word of God. It is only through God's word that we are able to get clear directions for our lives and for those of our children.
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3
Your Plans
Even with the best planned life, there are bumps in the road. Most of us would like to think of our lives as orderly and well planned. The reality is that many times we do not take the time to plan and to think through what we really want to see happen in our lives or in the lives of our children. We say that we are taking life as "one day at a time" and so we lock ourselves into thinking that we are supposed to live our lives in such a manner without written plans for daily living. We are not supposed to fret or worry about our lives in ways that show a lack of faith in God's ability to provide for us, but we are supposed to have an idea of how we want to live our lives and to make plans that show that we have vision and purpose for our existence.
Parenting is the most difficult job because it requires that you use your heart and head in making decisions about your own flesh that resides in a different body that is equipped with its own personality, talents, strengths, weaknesses, and free will. As parents, we do have an endless source that we can access in the parenting process, and that source is the Word of God.
Using scriptures, this is a compilation of the mantras, thoughts, and ideas I have chosen to implement in my child-rearing. Unfortunately, I did not have a pre-prepared written guide to which I could refer as I made daily decisions. I now wonder what would have happened to my children had I passed away before they reached adulthood. Who would have known what my wishes were in rearing them or what I hoped to see them become? I also did not have the biblical insight that God has given me over the years with regard to parenting and living. Here is an opportunity for you to develop a written plan for your child.
This planning document is by no means the final authority on child-rearing. It is, however, a beginning to think about, explore, and start to implement that which you think will help your child become the human being you want to see. Beginning with the adult child in mind, this plan will help you carefully articulate the steps that you want to take and make in growing and developing your child. And so it has been through faith that I have put these words on paper to share in the child-rearing process with parents and guardians who have not yet begun to put their ideas about their child on paper.
Purpose of TIPP
Most parents spend more time planning a child's first birthday party than they do in planning for any area of the child's life, including spiritual training and education. Many of us take for granted that there will always be enough time and enough information available to us in order for us to make sound on-the-spot decisions. Many vital decisions in child-rearing are left open to chance; a chance that we will make the right decision; a chance that our child will grow up and become the person we desire that they become; a chance that others will interact in positive and meaningful ways with our child; and a chance that our child will learn to plan her/his own life.
We take these chances, not because we do not care enough to plan our child-rearing practices, but because no one has ever really challenged us to pause long enough to think about and to think through what it means to parent intentionally with a specific purpose in mind. Nor do we fully understand how to channel all of our talents, skills, abilities, dispositions, and energies in one direction for the general well-being and growth and development of our child. We want the best for each child, but rarely do we know how to plan for that best and then how to take the appropriate steps to implement those plans. We are rarely sure about what needs to come first, second, next, and last. This outlined plan is designed to assist parents in putting on paper deliberate and planned steps and subsequent actions that will help them in successful child-rearing.
The purposes of this plan are to:
1) Help parents develop their thoughts and ideas about child-rearing before, during, and after the process has begun;
2) Assist parents in writing specific goals, strategies, and actions that are biblically-based, child-centered, and will promote the well-being of the child;
3) Create for parents a resource to which they can refer, monitor, and adjust for the child throughout the child-rearing process.
This plan has been prepared to cover eight main areas of child-rearing, namely, character development, image shaping, health and wellness, parenting, home life, education, facing finances, and exploring the world. Character development is the first and foundational section. It covers what parents should consider, model, and expect from their child when shaping character, conduct, and conversations. Image shaping addresses concerns parents often have about how a child looks on the outside and what needs to be done in order to shape a godly image. Health and wellness issues are explored in the third section, and it is an effort to help parents develop their ideas about maintaining good health and wellness.
Parents must address many matters while rearing children, including how they themselves will conduct their own lives and decision making. These are some of the thoughts that are examined in parenting. The home environment is the child's world and creating an environment that is appropriate for healthy growth and development is essential in child rearing. Home life challenges parents to make some thoughtful decisions about how the affairs of the home will be conducted. Education, facing finances, and exploring the world are all related to interacting with others outside of the home. Each section has subject specific concerns that allow parents to think deeply and critically about what they want for their child.
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Excerpted from The Intentional Parenting Planby Veda Pendleton McClain Copyright © 2009 by Veda Pendleton McClain. Excerpted by permission.
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