"husband"
A User's GuideBy Rob ThorpeAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2010 Marriage Keepers Ministries, Inc.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4520-9604-9Contents
In The Beginning.........................................1The Heart of God—for Man...........................3The Heart of God—for "husband".....................9The Heart of God—for You...........................23What Do I Do with This?..................................29God's Word Specifically to Husbands......................32God's Word—About Relationships.....................56"We Need to Talk"........................................58Words Matter ............................................61No Way, Jose'............................................68How Do I Get There From Here? Part 1.....................76How Do I Get There From Here? Part 2.....................87Welcome to the Front Lines...............................93
Chapter One
In The Beginning Did marriage as an institution just happen, or was it deliberately designed by a loving and wise architect?
It is the foundational premise of this book that marriage is purposely designed by a Creator, Father, God. In order to more fully understand marriage and our role as husbands, it makes good sense to go back and study the original design. And the way to do this is to ask the Designer what he intended when he created the whole thing.
According to the Bible, God is the mastermind behind the entire concept of marriage. The book of Genesis tells us:
Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the animals, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth." So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female. Gen. 1:26, 27
The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found who was like him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the Lord God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called woman, for she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen. 2:20 –24
After creating man, and subsequently woman, God brought her to the man, Adam, and the first marriage took place. It is obvious that the Divine Creator of man and woman deliberately brought them together. He had a reason, a plan, and a masterful design for doing such a thing.
Let's explore ...
? Why are man and woman different from the other created animals on earth?
? What was in the heart of God as he personally formed and brought them together?
? What is his divine purpose for marriage?
? How can we enjoy marriage as he intended?
? What uniquely significant role is designed for us as husbands?
The Heart of God—for Man
God created the heavens and the earth. He created all life—animal and human. But there were significant differences in how and why he created man.
1. Unlike anything else he created, God made man in his own image and blessed him.
God said, "Let Us [Father, Son, and Holy Spirit] make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the beasts, and over all of the earth, and over everything that creeps upon the earth."
So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created and female He created them. And God blessed them and said to them ... Genesis 1:26–28
That is a profound and awesome truth that we need to understand: God created the first man and woman in his own image! Think of it—God made man to be like him. Your life matters. You are significant. Truly, man is the most important being among all the creatures that God made. Only man was created in the image of God. The next time you look at your wife and are tempted to think she may be an alien from a distant galaxy, remember that she is made in God's image too—and specifically for you to help God in the process of shaping you into his man.
Also, unlike any other being that God created, man is a triune being, because he is created in the image of the triune God. "God said, 'Let us make man in Our image'" (Genesis 1:26). Man has a spiritual nature that is separate and distinct from the body in which it dwells.
The two following passages from the Bible clearly establish the fact that man is a triune being composed of spirit, soul, and body:
I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 5:23)
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow (body), and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
2. Unlike anything else he created, God breathed his life into man.
... the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. Genesis 2: 7–8
Although we are not told exactly how God "formed the man from dust of the ground," we know from the Creation account that God had primarily created life by speaking. However, when God created man, he "breathed into his nostrils the breath of life" thereby making the man a "living creature." This speaks volumes about the heart of God toward man. No other creation received God's personal, intimate, life-giving breath. God takes dust and earth and forms a man; as if that was not astounding enough, God then breathes into his nostrils. God uses his mouth to exhale his breath of life into man. What a glorious picture!
The same mouth that spoke everything into existence is now breathing man into existence.
Without God speaking, nothing would be. And likewise, without God breathing, man would not be. - Einstein
All creation received its life and being from God. Without it, all mankind and animal kind would just be skin, organs, and bones, like a glove without a hand inside. All creation has life, and that life came from God. Man, however, was personally "crafted" by God and received life directly and personally from God's mouth.
As a triune being, man is unique in that he has a spirit. All creation has life (soul), but only man is spoken of as having a spirit. It is our spirit that can be "reborn" and through which we have the privilege of communing with our creator God.
The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being. (Proverbs 20:27)
Jesus said: "God is a spirit; and they that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24)
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 2:11)
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2:14)
We are here on earth for God. We are not here for ourselves (to accumulate wealth and things, to live for pleasure, etc.) or for anything or anyone else. God created us for himself—for his pleasure and glory. God created us with the capacity to know him, commune with him, love him, and glorify him forever! The eternal God gave each of us an eternal spirit. It is God's will that we experience a deeply personal relationship with him today, tomorrow, and throughout eternity. It is for this reason that God created man in his own image.
It is our deepest need as human beings, to learn to live intimately with God. It is what we were made for. John Eldredge, Walking with God
3. Unlike anything else he created, God walked with and communed with man.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, "Where are you?" Gen.3:8–9
Adam and Eve enjoyed life as God intended. They walked with God every day. They talked openly with him, laughed with him, and completely enjoyed the wonder of the world he built for them. They had a perfect relationship with God and with each other. They had a perfect environment, a perfect job, a perfect climate—and God called it all "very good."
Jesus also enjoyed a perfect relationship with his Father while he was on earth. He heard his voice, enjoyed his presence, and walked completely in his love and sovereignty. One of the most astonishing blessings of Jesus's atoning sacrifice on Calvary is that he restored the opportunity for you and me to again enjoy a daily, moment-by-moment walk with our Father.
Here are but a few of the many scriptures that tell us of the Father-heart of God:
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matt. 7:11 So the son got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. And the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate." Luke 15:20, 22, 23, 31 Jesus said, "The Father Himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God." (John 16:27) For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." (Rom. 8:15) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:38–39)
The Bottom Line?
1. We are all personally hand-crafted by a loving Father in his image. 2. We are significant. Our lives matter. 3. He breathed his life into us and made us each a "living soul." 4. We are made to enjoy an intimate, daily, personal relationship with him. 5. Because of Jesus's sacrifice, we can enjoy such a relationship now.
There is an experience of the love of God which, when it comes upon us, and enfolds us, and bathes us, and warms us, is so utterly new that we can hardly identify it with the old phrase, God is love. Can this be the love of God, this burning, tender, wooing, wounding pain of love that pierces the marrow of my bones and burns out old loves and ambitions—God experienced, is a vast surprise. Thomas R. Kelly
The Heart of God—for "husband"
Adam had a good thing going. He enjoyed a perfect relationship with the Creator God. He lived in a magnificent garden, made by God. He had a perfect job (caretaker and husbandman of the garden), perfect weather, perfect food, and perfect health —everything that a man could possibly want.
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Gen. 2:15)
Just what was Adam doing as a "husbandman," caretaker, steward? God placed Adam in a role of responsibility. He was the manager, the protector, the shepherd of this most awesome and beautiful place. The verb "husband" is defined in this way: "to direct and manage with frugality; to use or employ in the manner best suited to produce the greatest effect."
Isn't it interesting that God created man and immediately put him to work in the garden? It is hard for us to think of work in its original form, rather than the post-Fall, cursed, sweat-of-your-brow kind of work. For Adam, work was awesome. He partnered with God in a fabulous environment and used his newfound skills to make things grow and flourish. He wanted what he did to please God. He took great delight in what he was given to do. Adam was created and wired (as are we all) to do something important, significant, and lasting. As men, we are prewired to be stewards, caretakers of God's creation—"husbands."
The Bible doesn't tell us how long Adam lived in the garden by himself, but it must have taken quite some time to name all the animals. During that process, it became painfully obvious to Adam that all the other creatures had mates. They were all experiencing with someone "like them." Adam saw animals mating and watched with wonder as young animals were born and families were created.
God was also watching, and he knew that "it is not good for man to be alone."
So, in God's sovereign love and wisdom, he created a fifty-two-inch, flat-screen, high-def television for Adam to watch.
Or was it a shiny new Harley Davidson for Adam's enjoyment? Maybe a brand new set of golf clubs? A chocolate Lab puppy? A new 4x4 truck?
Thankfully, the scriptures say:
The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.
The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Gen. 2:20–24
The Almighty, Creator God, who loved Adam like no other created thing, knew that there was only one thing that would satisfy the deepest need in Adam's soul—woman.
1. The rest of me
Adam was obviously ecstatic. He was no longer "single." Finally, there was another creature "like" himself. The verb tense in scripture tells us that Adam literally shouted. He exclaimed, "Finally," at last—this is who I've been longing for!
He was also well aware that this "woman" came from him. God chose not to create her from "the dust of the ground," like Adam. This beautiful creature was literally formed using a part of Adam's body. She was really made from "bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh." This implies inseparable unity. This is the only way Eve could be directly related to Adam apart from childbirth. She was part of him. She was, in a sense, the rest of him. He was now complete.
2. A divine mystery
It is very interesting to note that Adam not only enjoyed a perfect external environment, but he also, more than any human ever, enjoyed moment-by-moment fellowship with God himself. He literally walked and talked with God all day long.
Yet, there was still something missing in Adam's heart and soul. Something that not even his relationship with God could fill. Somehow God created a personal need, void, longing in the heart of man and woman that can only be met through an earthly relationship between a husband and wife. Eve was not just a fellow human or a close female friend. Genesis 2:22 clearly indicates more than just a personal introduction—this was Adam and Eve's marriage (evidenced by the words wife and husband from this point onward).
God has chosen to mysteriously meet certain needs in a man's life through an imperfect, challenging, ever-mystifying relationship with his wife.
3. Joined to his wife
Genesis 2:24 addresses three very important issues:
1. Man is to "leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." In this context, the word leave means "severance." God's plan is for the husband to establish a family unit in a new location. This is partly to fulfill his command to "fill the earth and subdue it" (Gen. 1:28) and partly to emphasize that marriage involves two people who are mature enough to establish a new home without parental supervision and support. 2. The concept of being "joined" means permanence. It is God's intention that the husband-wife relationship (marriage) last for a lifetime. When discussing marriage with the religious leaders of his day, Jesus stressed this point also:
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one (man-human) separate." Matt. 19:4–6
(Continues...)
Excerpted from "husband"by Rob Thorpe Copyright © 2010 by Marriage Keepers Ministries, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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