. . . how could she? I am outraged! Her feet are course and callous. How can I kiss feet that are course & callous? Where the hell have you been? Maybe you should pack Go back. Someone else Will like them, she said. What makes you so sure? Because they can scratch Behind the ears. Put your bags down, I told her Where are you going?

My Heart is on Fire for a Drink of Water

By Othello BornEl

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Othello BornEl
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-6622-2

Contents

I Have..........................................................3Eye Shut Out all That I May Receive All.........................6Whatever........................................................7Bad-Body........................................................8Love Doesn't Need Me............................................9BornEl Philosophy...............................................10Disgusted, to say the Least.....................................11S I N...........................................................12Who's at Fault?.................................................15Tis' a Wet Day Outside..........................................16The Response....................................................18Every Night.....................................................19I Can't Even Get Past Your Eyes.................................21So Long.........................................................23Profane.........................................................24Out of the Blue.................................................26You Must Go On..................................................28Voluntary Servitude.............................................30Is That My Blood................................................31Two Dead Dogs...................................................33Insomnia........................................................34ShutUp!.........................................................36Vanity..........................................................37Four-pane Window................................................38Jerome..........................................................39Nobody believes in Jesus........................................40Futile, Like Life...............................................41Lulu and Them...................................................42Don't Count them Just Let them Come.............................43he was a shining star fallen too soon...........................44For the Swagger.................................................45The Tree is My Hero.............................................46Go Ahead Be Offended............................................47Something the Lord Made.........................................48BornEl Philosophy...............................................49Who Knows?......................................................50Step One........................................................51What's in Your Wallet?..........................................52Sense the Size of a Mustard Seed................................53Taboo Notes.....................................................55Before I Take My Bath...........................................56Intellectual Vanity.............................................571 8 7...........................................................58Six-Nine........................................................59Keep On & I'm Going to Tell You to Piss Off.....................60The Office Can Be a Dreary Place................................62I Too, Dream....................................................63The Look of Love................................................64I Am But a Phase................................................65Today was a Good Day............................................66Pending.........................................................67A Peculiar People...............................................69Oblivious.......................................................70The Loneliest Highway...........................................72Eye Filled Your Void & You Voided Me............................73Will Write for Food.............................................74Gangster Man....................................................76This Life was not Made for Me...................................77Eye Don't Wanna Go To Church Anymore............................78Denial..........................................................80Self -Defeating.................................................82Reciprocate.....................................................83Every Thing.....................................................84When There's Nothing Else to Talk About.........................86?...............................................................87Evacuation Soul.................................................88Prototype.......................................................89Out of Water....................................................91'Hood Therapy...................................................93DNA.............................................................94Kidney Infection................................................95Who is This Othello BornEl?.....................................96God is the Question Vanity is the Answer........................97Life Perfected..................................................98A Drink of Water................................................99What Makes a Poet...............................................100

Chapter One

I Have

I have been young Playing hide & go seek With my siblings, neighborhood Playmates I have been chased Bullied and robbed I have grown In knowledge of myself Knowing less and less I have come to understand More and more I have I have tongue-kissed the Devil in the black hole Of his soul In his jail house In his prison ward In his church I have taken chances Over-drinking Over-smoking Over-stepping Over-eating Over-doubting I have learned Lessons come easy but Learning is hard I have crawled and walked And ran I have flown and floated Loved and hated Accepted and rejected I have made masterpieces and messes I have made trips To big cities with little hearts Where is the love, The song asks In the sewer, I reply I have looked for love In bedrooms and backseats Front seats and bathrooms In gin bottles and funny cigarettes That were sometimes laced With a peanut butter Gorilla's grip It nearly choked me To my next lifetime I have I have been near happiness So near I could smile For some unknown reason Despite and in spite Of I have been lied to By women With clean houses and muddy hearts By men with books of Scripture under their Perfumed armpits By politicians Who cared not that I had voted for them Or that they had a responsibility To justice and equal opportunity By family Who told me what I wanted to Hear Never showing me What I needed to see By leather-faced Caucasians Stuck in hatred For characteristics I was born with I have seen blood in my vomit And it made me look at Life in a better way I have been sick I have had money I have embraced excuses I have I have been given a chance By the mercy of Providence For life knows no mercy As the courts know no Forgiveness As the system knows no Righteousness As humans know not their Potential I have only the pen I have only this moment

Eye Shut Out all That I May Receive All

Between two doors I sit Upon cushion & vinyl Meditation they tell me Shall elevate wisdom Up my spinal Awaken, O Great One In Your Great All My mis-edecation Is as the Great Wall Running long Rising tall Standing still Awaken, O Great One

Whatever

Maybe it is the pace Of my speech The tone of my voice Maybe it is the Tempo of my stroll That has given that Yankee The impression of false Superiority Somehow believing Everything south of the The New York Times Is in such sad slow motion That it is not even Worth acknowledgement

Bad-Body

I am for the underdog The one receiving the least of cheers I do not believe Ms. A. gets any cheers And she seems comfortably aware But not distracted She is more realistic I see me in her eyes but she won't Say anything I have nothing to gain from interaction With her Unless she is poetic Being able to work a bad-body With finesse and style and clumsy confidence That is unrehearsed yet so sincere Then I would read a poem to her Share a corner of my philosophy with her Look past her warped physique Make her feel lovely and appreciated Feed from her smile And move on Leaving a print from the foot Of my soul Fertilizing her egg She is more certain now Certain that there is more to Living than just Ruffles and Lifetime movies Look at her Bad-body More certain now

Love Doesn't Need Me

It has plenty of victims already Too many And still searching, scoping, plotting Lurking in the most popular places Like churches & synagogues And gymnasiums where it seeks to change my mind From what Eye want to do next to what Eye should not be Thinking. How many of my steps must favor me Tip-toeing on fully dried concrete? Eye poured the concrete Should Eye not walk Eye repair the cracks (or just let them be and get larger beyond repair) Should Eye not walk? The company is so sensational that my reservation is uncomfortable. Love doesn't need me This place is crowded Eye require space to taste the air around me Savor the Universe through a verse from my own Book. Who better to predict my Living than Eye? Who better to determine my Fate? Too easy to step aside, allow another to point. Eye prefer to scar my knuckles And callus my palms Eye prefer the wearing of my cartilage via Walking, marching, traveling, searching Achieving Keep your shackles of bland delight Predicated upon the success of all but myself at the expense of myself You don't need me for that.

BornEl Philosophy

The "smarter" the world Becomes The dumber the individual Can be

Disgusted, to say the Least

That is when you can pick the lock You can stay in that place no longer It is time to vacate That is when the priest the politician the doctor the lawyer the bill collector the boss man the ex-spouse the status quo the IRS Mean less than nothing to you Living free The shackles of self-righteous courage And pious trepidation Are left on the pavement You become lighter and muster a smile One that is not there to be polite One that is there because that is how you Look on the inside

SIN

Eye nearly did While kissing her words Admiring her pedicure and her breath It was room temperature and gentle Eye nearly did She was so delicate I barely could tell she was there But she was I knew it her presence Was tasteful misguiding elegant nave appetizing I was still until the urge over took me Do not do this to me, I pleaded I am weak Thou art mighty- fine The restroom door doesn't lock But I have a key that might interest you It is not flat it is like liquid nitrogen Freezing in place But this too was in my head I stood and walked away around the room Looked out of the window Saw a very small man run with dwarf legs Up to my door And she had already started about how Her husband wasn't enough but she could Never leave him The stubby fireball began singing, serenading For a moment it was almost romantic I told her she should go She said she knew what was best for her And she kept talking I forgot about the Singing dwarf She took off her shoes and the dwarf sang louder She took off her scarf the dwarf turned up the volume I wondered how much more he had in him She took off her earrings He bellowed even more The clouds seemed to cringe soon they wept The lightening struck my stereo pissed me off She pulled down her skirt The thunder shook the living room My coffee table collapsed The nitrogen began to rise in my slacks I thought the roof might fall in at any moment She placed candied toes on my mantle Told me he was always following her Telling her she ought to clean up Live right Said she went along with it twelve years Now it had become too damned repetitive There was nowhere else to go once you had become Perfect and full of virtue It was her time to sample living again Eye told her let's go for it And she went for it and I went for her The roof was now leaking thru holes As large as pots and skillets Rain bouncing off of my back She screamed and the pictures fell The windows were blown out my calendar Whipped away and I could not recall the day My ears rang She was good to me I told her she could stay if she didn't mind the apartment Whatever you say whatever you want He's too short and follows me wherever I go The building was spinning I looked for an ugly woman on a broom The wind whistled fingering our clutching bodies I tightened She smiled strong legs held me in place The dwarf had stopped being god all was still, quiet So was I still, quiet I looked outside the dwarf was on the telephone pole His head hung dried tears on his face (I don't know how the hell they survived to even leave a trace) Snot dripped from his nose When I turned she had gotten fully dressed asking me What I wanted from the market And she walked out past the telephone pole Where her limp lover hang motionless Waving to me, smiling, crossing the street, entering another Apartment building And I ran over to see what market had been built in there I saw her enter an apartment she sat down close to someone I began to cry out My God My God Why is thou trippin'?! And I got louder and louder with every piece of clothing she lost The rain poured lightening struck thunder roared Candied toes mounted the mantle I hung my head It is finished

Who's at Fault?

"Eye am not afraid of you," I told him "Eye am not going to accept that That's the dirtiest beer I've ever seen! Are you out of your old ass mind?!" My jaw dropped I quickly picked it up Because my tongue became dry And so did my beautiful morning It had all began so pleasantly In the whip of a gnats wing Life tosses a speeding grapefruit Perfect center of an unprepared Forehead You love and you lose You hate and you lose more Why wasn't I told how crappy this World really is And how we pretend that it isn't And how we're pass-due An Oscar or an Academy Award For pretending Lending ourselves out to the Lowest bidder Becoming what we arbor Having too little time To be our own selves That is the most atrocious of all

Tis' a Wet Day Outside

The sun had been shining all year We were with peace We said pardon me and came to Complete stops at stop signs The children respected their elders Stray dogs were given homes and shots Racist bumper stickers were unseen We didn't throw trash in our neighbor's yard We held doors open for the women The police officers actually protected and served Every person, irrespective of Then we became tired with sunny days And warm rays All of a sudden the beach wasn't that exciting any more We shut the door in the woman's face Sped thru neighborhoods Where children play and walk to and from school Let the politicians and the pharmaceuticals Off the hook and took their place Hanging our self choking our self And now God cries heavily upon our head We stand waist deep in shit of our own piling Yet the next moment seems to come so Mercifully The rain continues to wash away Our filth of gutless beliefs and rosy literature And the thick pollen that sticks to Us like sulfery syrup Gray clouds hang like bags From God's Eyes Weighted with potential lying In puddles and sewers and ditches Stagnant Being pulled to the heavens Released upon someone else's life Only to repeat the process Over & over & over

The Response

I tried to speak But my vision was blurred I tried to see Yet couldn't say a word Reach down, Dear Father You promised You wouldn't Leave I've been waiting On Your Arrival My attacker is tribal He doesn't want me Why do You hide? Can You not feel The pain on my inside? Thirty-something years Thirty-something years I have waited Sedated with Promises Oaths Stories of boats over-coming Massive waters Daughters seducing daddy Pastors & pimps Pimp-pastors In Caddies And I'm still waiting Is there something I should know?

Man, Know Thy Self!

Every Night

Every night I want to die But the words keep me here Pushing me whirling inside of me Showing me light Every night I want to die But the words bubble up in my soul And the more of them I pop out The better I feel and then I feel worse Now it is time to go again Every night I want to die I want to avoid the psychopathic normal citizen In character with bibles and tracks and programs Half-dressed women Look but don't touch You sin every minute Self-righteous smiles and hunger for clones of themselves But the words are my laxative And I stand there and look at all of them Floating Stinking Waste I take in a deep whiff And push the lever Turn around and Laugh all the way to the Cabinet I pour myself a drink Every swallow burning my throat Every burn is like a rod of pain stuck in the eyeball of The priest and the mayor and the councilman The judge the u s attorney the dean so on and so forth Now I am ready to die But the words swell and push I bleed my living cut by Life The poison leaks out On pages and napkins Because no ear cares to soak up this mess And who can blame them

I Can't Even Get Past Your Eyes

I've skinny-dipped in those two pools Of chocolate bliss Without your consent. I dove in and wondered where all my pain went. Previous experiences are now but blemishes. Your premises promise paradise. You made life come alive Answered whats & whys. My taste buds send you thank you note. You strummed my mind in the key of a New blue note. Just when I tried to stay afloat You sealed me in Like a life-sized envelope. You, my body loves to soak. Each time I enter your spine It reminds me of the best rhyme I wrote. And though I anticipate the taste of your thighs I can't even get past your eyes. Have you ever touched the skies After sunrise? Have you ever sipped the rays on a perfect day? This is the ordeal I feel When your eyes spill upon me. A thrill upon me I am on a natural high Cloud nine plus five And there's no pill in me. I despise sleep. I pray for the hour your eyelids open And I can sneak a peek. Overwhelmed is an understatement. If I went blind I'd get transplants Yes, eye replacements. I could never leave your side This will never be vacant. These two are something to go in History A new New Testament. The rest of you is beautiful But I can't get past the filament. That's where the light is. Your type is Extra ordinary Extra terrestrial Too much for dictionary More divine than celestial. If you ever feel my presence In your chocolate effervescence Just smile to yourself and know I'm enjoying every second.

So Long

I had a feeling you would leave But it wasn't the sort of feeling That I usually trust But I had a feeling you would leave. The beautiful and the mad are never around For long They empty their cups And soon they become numb to any Contents this world can offer That is when they leave Like you did And I had a feeling you would But you had to do it To experience another life For this one could no longer satisfy you With your untamable beauty and Your awesome curiosity. Love was the after birth Now love is dry Too dry to be. So be, your destiny Your choice Your power Your voice And when my cup can no longer be filled May I, too, leave empty. 18Apr09

Profane

She kept telling me all would be fine She had a gleam in her eyes That I didn't trust She seemed delusional I wondered if she would sleep with me Then I lost interest and I didn't Want to talk to her any more I didn't want to listen to her Any more I told her to shut her mouth But it just stayed open Drying out Her eyes were stuck I told her to come to my room with me She said I must be crazy I told her I was just a block away And that I had some cheese and Italian wine We could sit and listen to Joplin and Simone I wanted to watch her stand in front of the window Tell her to lie down On the floor and say nothing Well, we are here and she won't shut up She is in front of the window I am excited She is on the floor She won't shut up I am losing My 'cicle is melting and I regret it all I flip the bed over and she jumps Her bulging eyes and the brief moment Of silence revives me and she grabs my crotch And I can see she is impressed She began to undress I yanked her jeans off her feet and she collided with the floor Frowns filled her face She went to her purse pulled out a bible and a cell phone I guessed she was about to call her lord I am he today, I told her She rushed into my arms And we grudgingly enjoyed one another's Bodies and bodily fluids Before she left she asked if we could see each other Again "Thursday night" "I have church" "Saturday morning" "I will be busy" "Maybe I should just keep you, here with me" She paused as if to consider it "I cannot" she said "I have a life and a family and a church and-" I pulled her to me and shoved more 'cicle in her "Well, maybe just this time ..."

(Continues...)

Excerpted from My Heart is on Fire for a Drink of Waterby Othello BornEl Copyright © 2010 by Othello BornEl. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.