CHAPTER 1
A Survey of Stress and Challenges For Change
Life is like a hurricane. My literal hurricane blew throughwith Hurricane Charlie on Friday, August 13, 2004.
While spending the summer in Vail, Colorado, enjoying thefresh mountain air and the many summer activities that Coloradohas to offer, I was still commuting to my home in Sanibel Island,Florida, to see clients for follow-up appointments on a monthlybasis. When I flew to Fort Myers the second week of August 2004,little did I know that I would be spending the week preparing for ahurricane. Most of my clients had cancelled, for they had to makepreparations themselves.
Hurricane Charlie, Sanibel Island, Florida,August 13, 2004
I have evacuated about four times in situations when the islandwas threatened with hurricanes in the previous years, and we wereblessed to have escaped any major damage. So as luck would have it,when Charlie was threatening the west coast of Florida, I decidedthis time to "ride it out" and stay home since the predictions werenot for a direct hit. Unfortunately, an hour and a half before thehurricane's arrival, the storm took a turn for the Sanibel-CaptivaIslands.
The electricity had been turned off, and my only source ofcommunication was my cell phone. Friends began calling andasking me if there was any way that I could get off the island. Theyhad learned on the weather report that the storm was headingright toward the island and it was a category 4, a major hurricane.I explained why I thought I needed to stay put as opposed to tryingto leave. My car might not make it off the island, and I would bestuck here anyway. Also, I didn't think the storm would be thatbad. Others were not evacuating, and I just wanted to be in myown home despite the evacuation warnings. The storm did come,and it was so intense that I shut my bedroom door and went intomy walk-in closet where there were no windows. The wind howledso intensely that I thought every window would blow out and theroof would come off.
The first twenty minutes seemed like hours as I stood huddledin my little closet and waited nervously until the storm passed. Mycell phone worked on and off, and I received calls from friends inother states asking how I was faring.
I asked them, "Do you know when this will be over? It seemslike it is taking forever!" I was reassured that it would end soonas they nervously watched the Weather Channel and saw the eyeright where I was! It wasn't until later that they all told me howscared they were for my safety and well-being. That was theirkind way of saying, "Connie, how could you be so stupid and notevacuate?" I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she landedafter the tornado in Kansas. I felt as if I wasn't on Sanibel anymore.I looked out my window and I was disoriented. All the trees weredown. I could not open my front door. I saw houses I had neverseen from my dismantled porch as I looked down the canal in theback of the house. What had just happened was unbelievable. Toget down the stairs I had to clear tree branches, sticks, shinglesfrom my roof. I crawled over fallen trees and debris and made itdown the street to the Island Store on the main road across fromthe beach. A few people walked in and out as I did in a completedaze. No one could really talk since we were all in a state of shock.The owner of the store opened and had ice and supplies for folkswho remained on the island. I asked the owner if I could take adisposable camera and pay him the next day. With no electricityand therefore no air conditioning, it did not take long to get hot asblazes. I had candles, a flashlight, and knew which neighbors hadstayed to ride out the storm.
We all had a gathering later that evening once the shock hadworn off. The next morning I woke up early and decided to exploreCaptiva since some friends had homes there and would surelywonder how their homes had fared. I could take photos and callthem with a report. By the time I crawled over the tree branchesand maneuvered by bicycle to get to the beach, the sun was outbright and it was really hot. The beach was free of debris, so off Iwent biking from Blind Pass where I lived to Captiva Island. Bythe time I reached Captiva, my face was starting to burn. I hadremembered to bring water and the camera but had forgottensunscreen. I never thought I could be lost on the tiny island, but itwas even more devastated and unrecognizable than Sanibel. Treesand cable lines were down everywhere, and I could not determinewhere I was.
It all looked like a jungle. I finally found one of my friend'shomes. A tree had gone through the roof, through the pool screen,and into the pool. It wasn't long before word got around that Iremained on the island, and the calls began filtering in that evening.I was getting calls from people I didn't even know who asked if Icould check on their homes. Later that evening the National Guardwas out. I was stopped on the side of the road by the Sanibel Policeand told that the Guard would "hold a gun to my head" (there wasa curfew) if I didn't go home. Now if that didn't send off a stressalarm I don't know what could!
I told the officer that I was using my cell phone to return callsand trying to help people who were inquiring about the status oftheir homes. There was no compassion from the officer. It wouldtake years to repair damaged homes and for the island to begin tolook like its old self.
No matter what happens, it is really our attitude toward the eventthat determines our feelings and how we choose to cope. Many timeslife can be like a hurricane with its intensity and turmoil. Since thatmemorable day in 2004, there have been horrific storms, floods, andearthquakes globally where people have lost lives, loved ones, homesand villages; life, for them, seemed as if it would never return to normal.There have been wars and terror attacks with many lives lost. Yet, ifone survives such a catastrophe, one's life is changed forever.
I was beyond fortunate. I did not lose my home. Because thedevastation overwhelmed the insurance companies, it took overa year for repairs to be made. Luckily, the house was livable, andclearing around the house began within weeks. In the face ofadversity, resilience can prevail.
We can choose to view events and changes in life in a positiveor negative light. If we choose the positive and accept them as a partof life's journey, then we can move on. Often acceptance may comewith residual resistance and therefore can be a work in progress.
Best-selling author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck disclosesin his book, The Road Less Traveled, that "life is difficult." It isinevitable that as we go through life we will face some pain andsuffering. There will always be issues we had not anticipated: loss,trauma, financial insecurity, pain, setbacks, grief, and sadness.How we choose to handle these situations may determine howmuch suffering we endure.
Now more than ever, we live in a society of continualuncertainty and fast-paced changes. We had better have ourseat belts securely fastened as we go on this journey. Despite ouradvances in technology and convenience, we lead even busier andmore demanding lives. Jane, for example, is a forty-three year-oldhousewife and business owner. She and her husband are raisingthree teenagers. They are all in private school and are involvedin several after-school activities. Jane commutes over fifty mileseveryday to make sure they get to school and participate in all oftheir activities. She also owns and manages a retail store and isopening a small cafe within the store. She tells me how busy she isand how it is all she can do to keep up and pay the mortgage. Sheconfesses that she is stressed and exhausted. Her husband is self-employedand has been very successful until the recent economicdownturn. She confides how they are struggling to continue thelifestyle they were so accustomed to for years.
While technology is a part of all our lives, one may ask if ithas made our lives easier. The Internet is wonderful in many ways,and harmful in others. Internet addiction is as rampant as otherfamiliar addictions. It has become easy for people to get hookedand lose sight of what is really important, like spending qualitytime with those around you. To understand the source of ourstress, we must realize that we are mind, body, and soul. Mindand body were meant to function in harmony with the soul. Overtime, mind, body, and soul were separated through conditioning,especially in the West.
The mind was programmed to listen to the advice of teachers,parents, friends government officials, and others, not to the soul. Wenow can witness what this has done to our world. This disconnectresults in a feeling of dis-harmony. As a psychotherapist, clientstell me that while they know they have been blessed with a lot ofgood in their lives, they feel an emptiness, a void. Our souls havebeen yearning to reconnect with our minds and bodies and they arenow beginning to reunite. Through a multifaceted approach, usingtechniques such as meditation, deprogramming the subconsciousthrough hypnosis, and counseling, we can address mind, body,and soul to achieve integration. As we integrate, we return to thepath of our soul.
Little Stress, Little Change; Big Stress, Big Change
Stress comes in all sizes. There is the small stuff, which mostof us would attribute to the daily grind, annoyances like losing thecar keys. The coffee maker doesn't work properly and the coffeeleaks all over the counter. Beefy, the big bull dog, chases the ladywalking her two toy poodles. The laundry piles up. Traffic jamsmake us late for an appointment. Getting stopped for a trafficviolation leaves us frazzled. Having an argument with our spouseleads to increased anxiety. And the best thing that happened waslosing four quarters in the soda machine and not getting the soda!Get the picture?
Then there are the much bigger stressors that can wreak havocon our lives and force us into changes perhaps we didn't even seecoming: the threat of losing a home due to foreclosure, whichis happening tenfold in our country now; a major health issuethat will require much medical attention and no health insurance;inability to pay bills; a lay off with no job in sight; divorce; deathof a loved one. These kinds of stressors can limit our ability tomake rational decisions and lead to acute as well as chronic healthproblems.
Anxiety is so prevalent now in our culture that it manifestsitself in many psychological and physical changes. We functionon overdrive, and our bodies become overstimulated into a hyperstate.
Our blood pressure rises, and our heart rate increases. Webecome adrenaline junkies, needing more adrenaline to keep up thepace. To keep that adrenaline pumping, we can turn on the televisionwith all the cop shows and violence to keep us overstimulated. It hasbecome quite distressing to observe how many people seem to beobsessed with watching violence, suffering and scandals, whetherreal (there are many) or nightly reality TV, as well as violent movies.According to the Media Awareness Network, media has becomemore violent, graphic, sexual, and sadistic.
Our Nation is in Flux
With our concern over the way the direction of our country isgoing, we may feel depressed or anxious. Frank Newport, Gallup'seditor-in-chief, in a 2011 interview reported that only 16 percentof Americans say they are satisfied with the way things are goingfor the country.
Facing the worst economic outlook in decades, job seekers arestruggling and frustrated, yet trying to be optimistic. Data fromthe U.S. Census Bureau show that more Americans than everbefore, 4.62 million, were living in poverty in 2010. About 6.7percent of Americans live in deep poverty, below 50 percent of thepoverty line, the highest rate ever recorded.
For the most part, we do not think that our children will bebetter off than we are, nor will the future be better than the past.Many adults are going back to school to further their education,but there is no guarantee of finding employment. According tothe Office for National Statistics retirement is becoming passe.Older Americans realize they do not have enough saved and mustcontinue to work. The number of people working past state pensionage has nearly doubled in the past 18 years. Approximately 1.4million above the state pension age were still employed in 2011,compared with 753,000 in 1993.
New research from Georgetown University's Center onEducation and the Workforce shows that the unemployment ratefor recent four-year college graduates is 6.8 percent—more than 50percent higher than the overall rate of 4.5 percent for four-yearcollege graduates in general. For those with only a high schooldiploma the unemployment rate is even higher at 24 percent.College graduates, even students with Ph.Ds, are struggling tofind work, and many are even working at bachelor-level teachingjobs. Gallup studies also reveal that negative daily experiences forthe employed and unemployed differ with age, with the 18-to-29year old age group appearing to be the hardest hit.
The Associated Press reported in the spring of 2012 that morethan half of America's recent college graduates are either unemployedor working in a job that doesn't require a bachelor's degree. Researchersfrom North eastern University, Drexel University, and the EconomicPolicy Institute, based on data from the Census Bureau's currentpopulation survey and the U.S. Department of Labor, found ofthose who graduated with bachelor's degrees in 2012 under the ageof 25, 53.6 percent were jobless or underemployed. There is a sensethat regardless of one's education is a great challenge. Many of us areoverwhelmed with a sense of powerlessness. The housing market wassupposed to improve and it keeps getting worse. The employmentrate was supposed to fall and it continues to rise. The Wall Streetdemonstrations are just the beginning of what may come in ournation. It may be that karma (cause and effect) has come full circleto help us grow. After all, we were the only nation to drop an atomicbomb on another country when there may not have been the need todo so. Sixty years later, scholars still argue about the decision to usethe atomic bomb on Japan. According to an article in the New YorkTimes, at one point after the war General Dwight D. Eisenhowerbluntly stated, "It wasn't necessary to hit them with that awful thing."The Japanese were already defeated and ready to surrender. Thecountless wars, the greed, the narcissism in our country has peakedto a level that we may now be feeling their effects.
We are hearing of more childhood and adolescent suicidesdue to bullying, now called "social combat." Internet bullying hascontributed to increased stress and low self-esteem especially withadolescents, and it has even played a role in multiple adolescentsuicides. There was a recent suicide of a middle school boy as aresult of his being bullied by classmates for being gay. So it is notjust the adult population that is feeling stressed. Our children andgrandchildren face levels of stress far higher than children did ageneration earlier. When I was in middle and high school, mybiggest worry was whether I would make the cheerleading squad.
We have major concerns over social and financial conditionsglobally. While we may be instinctively optimistic, positive andidealistic, those ideal dreams and sense of empowerment are fadingfast and we are feeling more of a loss of, rather than a sense of,safety and security. All the more, we feel the increased stress thatthis produces individually and collectively.
New York Times best-selling author, Carolyn Myss tells howevery individual possesses a "sacred contract," an obligation tofulfill a divine destiny, and the vision of our mystic founders. Myssdescribes how every nation holds an agreement made for the planet'shighest good. Each citizen's sacred contract is interwoven withthat of his nation. From its inception, Myss explains, the UnitedStates has been a great spiritual experiment, an unprecedentedevolutionary step forward for human civilization that is bothmagnificent in its promise and perilous in its dangers. To rescueAmerica from its shadow and rescue its highest potential, Myssexplains we must envision how we want this nation to be. Wecannot return to the 1950's and 60's era, rather we must realisticallyenvision where America needs to go. There is a calling for peopleto rethink what's going on in a culture deeply affected by war. Wesense deep in our soul that our nation is hurting. The nation thatgave birth to freedom needs liberating. Myss suggests we hold theearth in our hands daily and remind ourselves that the power isin our own hands. We can remind ourselves of the power of ourown soul. Our soul is always talking to us; it is just that we don'talways listen. In meditation we can listen. We have always beencourageous and optimistic peoples. We have the ability to helpour country achieve its optimum potential. We are the changeagents. We must shift self-indulgence, greed and narcissism toself-discovery, simplicity and serving our fellow man.
THE PARADOX OF OUR AGING PROCESS
We have bigger houses but smaller families. More conveniences,but less time. We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge,but less judgement. More experts, but more problems; more medicines,but less healthiness; We've been all the way to the moon and back buthave trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour.
We built more computer to hold more information to producedmore copies than ever, but have less communication; we havebecome long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion; Tall man butshort character; Steep profits but shallow relationships. It's a timewhen there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama
Now over a decade into the twenty-first century, we are faced witha major transformation on all levels: physical, mental, emotional andspiritual. Can we transform our planet and recreate what technologyhas taken from us? While technology is wonderful in many ways,we have truly lost our humanness. It's quite disturbing to walk intoa restaurant and observe four teens sitting in a booth, not speakingto one another for at least 15 minutes because all they are doing istexting. What is the lesson? What is the solution?
The issues above are just a few of the many issues affectingAmericans and the world population today. We are being pushedand sometimes forced to return to the basics, the simple truthwe need to live by. The rich 80's and 90's are gone. The greed andmaterialism that contributed to America's meltdown has affectedus all in some way and physically wounded many. How do we everbring our wounded psyches back into balance? How do we learnto manage all the stress in our lives?
(Continues...)
