How to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love

Step-by-step advice for women seeking a lasting relationship in midlife presents a range of time-management techniques and reality checks designed to help them find the perfect mate and avoid wasting time pursuing umarriageable men. Tour.

How I came to write "How to Get Married After 35."
I want to tell you a little story. Not long ago when I was single, I was involved in a relationship with a bright, engaging, somewhat older man. We were just coming back from a weekend at a romantic country inn and were having Sunday night supper in a diner. All of a sudden I looked around, and all I saw were spouses, and children, and families. And I got really sad. Why was I sad? Because they were connected in a way that I was not. Reality had hit: I was 40 years old, I had been involved with this particular man for quite some time, and I knew in my heart of hearts that he was totally unmarriageable. That moment of clarity caused me to do a lot of thinking. For one thing, I realized that while I'd always been in charge of my professional life, I had very little control over my personal life. On the home front, I had been drifting. I also recognized that my professional life had not just happened; I had made it happen. Perhaps I could apply this same logic and strategic thinking to my personal life. So I ended my relationship with my unmarriageable "nowhere man," and for the first time in my life, I began to date with a purpose and a plan. I changed my habits. I changed my routines. And I changed some of my narrow attitudes as well -- such as my definition of the kind of man who might be suitable for me to marry. And this new way of managing my personal life -- this game plan, if you will -- eventually paid off, for my strategies led directly to meeting and marrying my husband Charlie. Now, when I was single, I spent more years than I'd like to admit in my ratty bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, making no social effort whatsoever. In fact, there were times when the only new guys I was meeting were pizza delivery men. One year I even slept through my birthday intentionally, because I didn't want to deal with my painful conviction that time was passing me by. So once I met and married my man and achieved this personal life goal, with the unmistakable zeal of the newly converted, I was driven to spread the word. And I began coaching other singles on how to maximize their opportunities for marriage. My relationship consulting business grew. Eventually I looked at the success my clients were having and said, "Gee, this game plan worked for me, it's working for so many of my clients as well. I'd like to be able to share these techniques and this philosophy with a very broad audience. And the result of that desire is my book, "How to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love," published by HarperCollins. The book is for anyone who does not want to leave his or her chances for love in the hands of Fate. While the book was geared for women (simply because women more than men tend to read relationship books), the principles of the book apply to men as well as women. (At my book signings, or during talk radio call-in shows, men often ask if the book is for them, too, and I always say: "Just reverse the sexes as you read the anecdotes, and 80% of the material is going to apply to you. So you’re not off the hook, gentlemen! Writing "How to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love" has been an honor and a pleasure, for there is no better feeling to me than being able to motivate and inspire others to fulfill their own potential. I hope you enjoy reading the book as much as I enjoyed writing it. And thank you for your interest in my work. Appreciatively, Helena Hacker Rosenberg