CHAPTER 1
Orientation
Five Words
Embracing the truth behind just five words enables you to create the life you want. The Five Words are: choice, empowerment, commitment, boundaries, and compassion. These are words common in our language but an understanding of their relevance to emotional balance, health, and fulfillment of life goals is largely missing. The Five Words will change that. You will learn to combat confusing life signals with ancient wisdom, science, direct experience, and a better understanding of these Five Words.
While throughout the Five Words I use examples and stories to explain certain realities, there is one important note that I must mention. Many questions need to be asked. The question, "Why?" is not one of them. "Why has this happened to me?" "Why am I going through this?" The truth is, knowing why rarely lends any solace, comfort, or healing. Usually knowing why just manages to complicate things by embroiling you in the emotions of the original incident and re-imprinting the trauma. Additionally, "Why me?" is the question of a victim, not an empowered person. If "Why?" is not the question, what is?
You need answers to questions like:
* "How do I feel about my current situation?"
* "What can I do about the emotions and energies in the situation?"
* "What can I understand and learn about myself in relation to what is going on?"
* "What is the best, most life-supporting action I can take now?"
Primal or Extreme Emotion
Each of the five words corresponds to a primal or extreme emotion. Emotional energies tend to make life feel chaotic or fragmented. With time and practice, however, you can work with these emotions to develop more coherent, constructive energies. It is not unusual to deny extreme emotions until you look at the masquerading or lesser emotions. For example, you may think you are not angry, but you do recognize feeling resentful or jealous. These are the masquerading or lesser emotions associated with the extreme emotion you know as anger. The following table lists the five extreme emotions and examples of their masquerading or lesser emotions. The chapters mentioned in the parenthesis are where you will find suggestions on working with these difficult emotions.
Five Element Theory
The Five Words is a blending of insights and learning from many sources. They encompass and summarize the journey of the soul. Mastery takes you from a state of high emotion to a state of knowing how to respond to the challenges you face on your way to fulfillment. Interestingly, these words reflect perfectly elements of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and, specifically, the five element theory. The following chapters tackle each of the five words, along with their corresponding element: water, metal, earth, fire, and wood.
As you journey through the work, you will explore extreme emotions and what it takes to embrace them. Once you realize how thoughts, feelings, and external events impact your well-being, you will begin to understand how emotion can cause changes to the physical body. Extreme emotions can, and do, change the physical body causing illness and disease. The Chinese have studied this for over five thousand years. They have amassed a body of knowledge and understanding that helps us appreciate what happens when extreme emotions are experienced again and again.
Over time, the Chinese ascertained which organ system is most provoked by which extreme emotion. This was accomplished through extensive study on how each emotion creates a response in the body. We now know the physical consequence of a heightened emotional state is chemical. Initially, the chemical response your body makes to an emotion slows or excites the energies depending on the situation. At first these responses don't do much lasting harm. If repeated often enough, however, the responses form stress, stress forms blocks, weaknesses, or constrictions, which ultimately manifest as disease in the body.
Archetypes
Understanding archetypes gives additional insight into how you can heal using the Five Words. Archetypes are energies. Like emotions, they are neither good nor bad. They are recognizable, describable energies that organize patterns of human behavior. Every archetype has a positive or light side potential and a challenging or dark side potential. Carl Jung spoke about archetypes in his early psychological works. Carolyn Myss has taken understanding of archetypes and their energies to a whole new level in her book Sacred Contracts} According to Myss, we all have a core group of twelve archetypes that we bring into this life. Eight of these archetypes are unique to the individual, but four of them are part of everyone's makeup. The child, prostitute, saboteur, and victim archetypes are the four we all have in common. These are what Myss calls your survival archetypes. Following is a summary of these survival archetypes.
The Child – Guardian of Innocence
The child archetype isn't so much about whether or not you act childish as it is about how playful you are or how quick you are to trust. This archetypal energy helps you decide when to be responsible or when to relax and depend on someone else. The child archetype is divided into several sub-archetypes such as: wounded child, magical child, divine child, nature child, or eternal child, among others. Each one carries energies in a particular pattern depending on the lessons chosen to work on in an incarnation. The sub-archetypes describe the energetic responses your so called inner child is likely to have during your life. For example, the wounded child looks at the world as hostile while the magical child tends to experience wonder and enchantment.
The Prostitute – Guardian of Faith
Yes. Everyone has a prostitute archetype. The prostitute may or may not have to do with sex. This archetypal energy is at play when you sell or negotiate away your body, mind, integrity, or spirit in exchange for security, safety, or personal gain. Prostitute energy expresses itself through an inability to divorce an abusive spouse or quit a job that is draining you. Fear (for survival, of change, of self-empowerment, etc.) is the hallmark of this archetype. When you finally decide the trade-off is insufficient, you can, and will, do what is necessary for yourself without compromising your integrity. Once you are able to abandon the impulse to prostitute yourself and you can embrace the truth of your abilities, this archetype surrounds you energetically with a not for sale sign. You gain a deep knowing that your survival is possible without having to sacrifice the power of your spirit.
The Saboteur – Guardian of Choice
It has often been said that we are our own worst enemies. This is the consequence of saboteur energy. This energy is recognizable from the repetitious thoughts that are like recordings playing in your mind. These recordings convince you that you are not good enough, that you are not equipped to accomplish anything in life. The voice of this recording is you undermining yourself. It comes from patterns of thought and behavior that have accumulated over your lifetime. You have decided to believe in them, whether or not they are true. The saboteur induces self-destructive behavior with these thoughts and wreaks havoc in your life.
Getting in your own way can be as simple as consistently being late to appointments but it can be complicated as well. If you feel sure you cannot find (or don't deserve) a better partner and, as a result, you stay in an abusive relationship, you are listening to your archetypal saboteur. This energy can also cause you to undermine others. When the saboteur becomes your ally and you start operating from the light side of the archetype, you understand when you are about to sabotage yourself or others in time to prevent the destructive impulse.
The Victim – Guardian of Self-Esteem
Everyone has seen news reports of people experiencing real and intentional horrors. Once the horror is over, however, a person's response to having been victimized tells the story of the light or shadow aspects of the victim archetype. A person working in the energies of the shadow victim archetype always feels taken advantage of and never takes responsibility for whatever happens. Once you make the victim energies your ally, these destructive energies fall away.
As a community we have devised support groups for victims and these can be helpful. Sometimes, however, a person continues to play the victim for sympathy, attention, and positive feedback. Indeed, some people find real currency in their wounds. Mastery of the victim archetype allows you to recognize when you are in danger of being victimized, either through passivity or inappropriate actions. It also provides some clarity concerning whether or not you are about to victimize someone else. Insight and clarity are important gifts.
Dr. Stephen Karpman described the victim triangle as a model of human interaction in his 1968 article, Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Essentially this model describes how the victim, perpetrator, and rescuer archetypes interact. A perpetrator, by his or her actions, creates a victim. A rescuer comes to aid the victim. Sooner or later the victim resents or rejects the rescuer and thereby makes the rescuer feel like a victim. The perpetrator can now step into the rescuer's role. Everyone changes roles. The former victim is now the perpetrator; the former rescuer is now the victim, making room for the old perpetrator to become the new rescuer. Entering into the victim triangle on any level ensures that you will eventually play all three roles.
Interaction of the Four Survival Archetypes
How do these archetypes play out in you? All children are vulnerable and sensitive to the whims of others. Depending on how a child is treated he or she can grow up to be optimistic and hopeful or confused and anxious. Children are often cautioned not to try something because it's too dangerous. A child might hear, "Be careful, you'll fall!" or, "You are going to cut yourself!" for example, and this causes uncertainty and fear reactions. The child infers that there is something wrong with him or her that makes it impossible to accomplish what is desired. The childhood myth, I'm not good enough, sets up conditions for saboteur energy to manifest in the adult. A child is also very quick to learn how to sublimate his or her own will in order to win approval. This behavior activates the prostitute as well as the victim archetypes when taken into adulthood.
Survival archetypes come into play in all areas of your life. Besides the survival archetypes there are eight other archetypes that make up your core group of helper energies. Each of the five elements also has a governing archetype that will aid you in your work toward soul fulfillment. These will be explained in the chapter that discusses the element with which the archetype is associated.
A Few Words about Words
Good/bad, light/dark, bright/shadow; these opposites expose an essential mistake we all make. Society assigns emotional qualities and value judgments to them. The truth is, these opposites generate perspective, equal in their ability to teach, to sustain, and to create your world. The light side of your personality is just what society determines is good. The same is true for your dark side which society considers bad. In different context, the good or bad of the situation may be very different. In other words, there is no good or bad. What really is true? Opposites present an opportunity to expand understanding and grow spiritually by examining and owning all sides of the picture.
Words are powerful tools. They will encourage you or defeat you. Words are capable of healing or destroying you. This is especially true of your own words. No words have more consequence, for good or ill, than those you say to yourself.
Journaling
Soul healing and growth requires a tool for reflection. The best tool is a journal. A journal has the potential to be your own best friend. Your journal is the place where your words, private thoughts, and experiences can be safely recorded and reflected upon. It is a tool that allows the whole scope of your personal experience a venue for expression. Once started, a journal can provide the stepping stones that open up memories and possibilities that you have forgotten. It is a place where you can be honest, even if the truth is not flattering. No one is without a shadow side. No one is all good or all bad. Only by acknowledging both your light and dark sides can you become whole and heal.
It is important to realize that you don't have to write volumes. In fact, doing so is what stops the journaling process for many of us. Beginners often write page after page. It soon becomes too much and journaling ends. There seems to be the expectation that all of your entries must rival that original grand effort. This is not true. Be succinct and regular in your journal entries. Even short entries will help you see patterns, problems, and processes more easily.
Asking Questions
In order to facilitate working with each of the Five Words, I have included a section called Questions for Your Journal after each chapter. Some of these questions can be quite lengthy to answer. Do it at your pace and record the answers in your journal. There is no right or wrong answer to the questions. They are an opportunity to think about your life in the context of the Five Words. The answers to the questions will help you appreciate where your actual approach to life comes from and what needs to change. They are a jumping off point for your personal journey toward a better understanding of you!
CHAPTER 2
The Journey Begins
As a child, I had a favorite doll. This doll was not so different from my other baby dolls except that it was black skinned and I am not. My love for this particular doll distressed someone in my family. After a day of loving and tending my special doll, I would tuck her into the bed I made for her so that I would be sure to know exactly where she was the next morning. Always, when I woke up, my baby doll was gone. Eventually, my mother would find her again and I would spend one more day tending her with love and special care. Again, I would tuck her into bed in the perfect spot I made for her and again, the next day, she would be gone. It happened repeatedly. I was frantic each time trying to find my baby doll. Finally, mom just didn't find her again.
Many years later, I was at a class where information about past lives often came out. I was told about one of my past lives in Africa. Slavers came and either murdered or kidnapped everyone in my village for the slave trade. I survived to watch as my husband was killed and my child taken. At the time, there was nothing I could do about any of it. Upon hearing this in class, I felt all of the air leave my body. I felt as if my soul collapsed. My body caved in; I wanted to curl into my great nightmare. I knew this story was true to the very depths of my being. Every cell in my body screamed and cried for the losses I suffered in that lifetime. I felt it as if it were just happening: fresh and real and devastating. Later, I remembered my baby doll. She was an artifact of that life bleeding through into this one.
This is an example of cellular memory. Cellular memory is not conscious, but it is perhaps more powerful because of its subconscious nature. It is possible in that lifetime I could have run out to fight for my family; I don't know what stopped me. Had I done so, I most assuredly would have been taken or killed. Instead, I lived with regret, shame, self-loathing, shock, rejection, guilt, rage, grief, and fear for the rest of that lifetime; and I carried it forward with me into this life. In this lifetime, without conscious memory of that one, every decision seemed too big to make, what would people think if they actually knew the truth about me? What if they knew that I had failed? I felt I didn't deserve any kindness. I couldn't be seen. I must hide. Because of that lifetime, and without consciously understanding why, everything now seemed to be life or death. That life I felt I had lost everything and there was no hope. In this life, every choice was between loss and hopeless.
After recalling that life experience, I was prompted to journey into understanding and embracing the power of emotion, history, myth, and what became a specific set of Five Words. It is my hope that in exploring this story, and others, you will to come to understand the gift of your powerful emotions and recognize a path to a fuller expression of your soul's agenda.
