A psychologist presents a memoir of his personal struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder, describing the sudden onset of symptoms when he was in his thirties and the emergence of twenty-four separate personalities

From the Author

Dear Readers,
Earlier tonight Rikki, my wife of seventeen years, made vegetable tamales with Dusty, one of my 24 alter personalities. A little later, at dinner, Rikki told me that there was a place on Amazon.com for authors to write something about their books and that I should consider doing so. "Rik," I replied, "these are great tamales." After a thought-filled silence she said, "Cam, people don't know you. Just tell them why you wrote the book."

Well, I was diagnosed five and a half years ago with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), the condition that used to be known as Multiple Personality Disorder. DID is a coping mechanism for dealing with extreme and repeated childhood sexual, physical, or emotional abuse (in my case, incest). Since my diagnosis, it's been a tortuous ride--for me personally, for the 24 alters who have lived in my mind since I was very young, and for Rikki and our now eleven-year-old son Kyle. Somehow Rikki and I have held our family together, continually seeking higher ground, even when the path was muddy and slick, and angry clouds were raining misery and doubt.

There was a little boy to shelter, a friendship and marriage to protect, and a shattered mind to accept and repair. Rikki and I locked arms and hearts and kept trudging, and then something happened: the muck started to dry and our feet found solid ground. We'd made it--not to the top, but to a ridge. And that felt like something worth writing about.

I also wanted to speak to others whose experiences resonate with mine. I know how lonely it is to feel different and damaged. In some strange way, through telling my story, I wanted to offer myself as a witness to those people who share the experience of having had their souls scraped at an early age.

Finally, I wrote the book so you would know what DID feels like, with the hope that you might think of others you perceive as mentally ill with greater understanding. I wish you the courage to seek the peace that exists in every moment.

Cam West

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