Nurturing the Princess Within

On the Way to Happily Ever After ...

The story goes like this: Once upon a time, two perfectly matched people got together. Despite misfortune, they pulled out all the stops, didn't hold back, risked, surrendered, had great sex, never got bored, and lived happily ever after.

Sigh. If only it were that easy. Why is it tempting in a relationship of any kind to become complacent, jaded, critical, hurt, or angry? No one expects to experience mayhem or hurtle towards devastatingly destructive futures when we initially pledge our undying fairytale love to each other. The reality is that all couples will experience conflict at some point. It's when unresolved conflict, criticism, contempt, and lack of connection creep in causing disappointment and despair, that the nightmare scenario of an unhappy break-up occurs, brutally destroying dreams and often negatively affecting self-esteem, health, confidence, and even financial standing.

Fairytale Love turns make-believe into "we believe we can make it." With playful transformational tools and proven behavioural-change techniques, you can enrich the love that was there at the beginning, deepen your connection, and strengthen your relationship so that it's healthy, harmonious, love-filled, and lasting. Through affirming, apology, praise, affection, constant care, some miraculous thinking, and a few behavioural adjustments, your dream love can and will return.

Most people just want the same thing. We want to be validated and loved.

We want to see our loved one's eyes light up when we enter the room. We want to know that we can disagree and not be abandoned. We want quality company and as little stress as possible. We want safety and security, compromise and honesty. Sometimes we want it to come with the swish of a magic wand, rather than having to work at it. Life is too short to spend too much time lost in the dark woods, not feeling good inside. This book gives you the magical tools to fix what's busted. It contains solutions and guides you into creating the kind of positive change needed to maintain the love you have and recover everlasting love. It will make it possible for you to choose to see each day as an opportunity to drench one other in kindness.

Just like in fairytales, ordinary life needs imagination. Fairytale Love is less about stereotypes of damsels in distress and men saving the day. The following pages are meant to encourage, entertain, delight, and enlighten. Get ready to invent a successful love story, create a wonderful and wild life full of vast riches, and do legendary deeds.

Fairytale Love encourages you to explore and gain insights around why you act in the ways that you do. It teaches you to communicate in a real, respectful, uplifting way, and it playfully lists ways to keep love alive. It will get you questioning your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, values, and beliefs, and just like in fairytales, it's worth considering aspects such as: Is the king or queen fair, does it pay to be grumpy, and what on earth do you do if the wolf knocks at the door? Fairytale Love is about gallantly following your irresistible, passionate path, even if it means looking hard for the breadcrumbs of hope in a seemingly impenetrable forest. Whilst on your journey, find as much delight along the way as possible, and be guided by a swish or two of my magic wand to unlock the secrets of forever after.

All of the advice contained within, really works. It has been tried and tested by couples in search of relief who have been brave enough to quest and uncover their concerns in therapy with me, over the past twenty-five years. Not only did nearly all of them discover that most problems are solvable, but their romances renewed, fluttered, flourished, and brought them happiness and harmony. There are many reasons why things go wrong, and not enough guidance available on how to make love work. Who teaches you to be a good partner? Where do you learn to love? How do you slay dragons? Most of us learn from what we see, and we could do better. Fairytale Love will give you wings to rise above your tangled troubles.

Help is at hand, whether you are already in a great relationship, wanting to know how to maintain the magic, or struggling to delve through difficulties like:

• being obsessed with needing to change your beloved;

• expending too much energy attempting to sway your partner into your way of thinking and feeling;

• anxiously over-focusing on others;

• being overloaded from taking on too much responsibility;

• nagging or whining or being nagged and whined at;

• feeling powerless and negative;

• feeling stuck and a little shocked that things haven't gone the way they were meant to;

• becoming tired of competing for affection and attention;

• feeling insecure or being evasive;

• seething with resentment or self-righteousness;

• being domineering or dishonest;

• trying to avoid yet another marriage meltdown;

• wanting to simply give up;

• having constant arguments with no resolution;

• acting critical and contemptuous;

• feeling sexually frustrated or liable to stray; and

• noticing a deterioration in communication.

Even if your frustration is simply that you can't find the right way to get the end result you want, Fairytale Love will help. Who couldn't do with a wise fairy godmother? Sometimes all you need is a gentle reminder, a refresher course, and some simple guidance on how to tweak things so you get a better outcome. The great thing to remember when things aren't going so great, is that:

• Beliefs can be challenged and changed.

• You deserve to live your life fully.

• You are worthy of love and acceptance.

You can accomplish desired change and reach gorgeous goals. You can conjure up more and more acceptable and attractive ways of being. You can soak up the love that is already on offer and get the fizzing sexual spark ignited once again. Approaching difficulties in new ways, and adding delight, can transform any frog into a dream partner once again. Being able to communicate thoughts and feelings in responsible, healthy, caring, conscious, and loving ways really does create the most astonishing results.

My, what big ears you have! If you use them to listen, with a compassionate and open heart, and practise being very much in the present moment, then you will be able to see the innocence and preciousness in your partner, and you can unearth the fulfilment you long for.

My, what a big mouth you have! What you contribute, and most especially, how you do it, can enhance your relationship, maintain meaningfulness, make your life easier, and your days lighter.

That's a lovely basket you have! Sometimes you get what you give, so it's time to learn to give big and acknowledge and treat that amazing human being you share your life with in a supportively delightful way.

Secret number 1: Fun and friendship are the glue that sticks your love together. It's time to live like you are emotionally alive.

Couples that stay together, definitely play together. They fool around in more ways than one! When love and friendship are strong, your beloved will believe in you, even in the moments you forget to believe in yourself. That's a powerful love to have. Live and love in an enriching way and your health and relationship will reap the rewards. Blow your curiosity wide open and get ready to work your laughter lines. Take in what you need and let the rest go.

Secret number 2: Being together needs to be treated like an investment with expected future gains.

What you put in, you get back. Energy flows where intention goes. It's a simple formula. Rather than expecting losses, feed your relationship with positive input so that it can grow, be nourished, and thrive. Your beloved needs to feel competent. Notice and praise his or her positive contributions. Tell your beloved when he or she does things that make you happy, and enjoy the returns from doing so. It's important to believe that it's possible to achieve desired results. Best-selling author Dr. Wayne Dyer has a wonderful saying: "Assume the feeling of the wish already fulfilled." You have the amazing ability to make wishes come true and to make this journey playful, to make it successful, full of rewards, with a good return.

This first part, Nurturing the Princess Within, is about accepting yourself and loving yourself, exactly as you are. It can help you fine tune and tweak any dull bits of the brilliant jewel that you are, so that your sparkle dazzles all those who have the pleasure of knowing you.

Secret number 3: Self-love starts with me, so that we can build a strong we. Think of self-love as the foundation of a happy and full life.

Expect to be delighted, refreshed, and excited along the way as you uncover and understand the finer details of what makes you who you are. Get ready to release any hold the past has on you.

In building terms, it's like defining boundaries. Boundaries are the personal property lines that characterize who we are and what we are responsible for, and they mark out limits and limitations. If you were to consider building a castle, you would:

• investigate;

• explore history;

• understand the lay of the land;

• survey the scene;

• research rules and guidelines; and

• gain a good awareness of possible restrictions.

In relationships, doing the same things gets you better acquainted with where you stand, lets you know what to expect, and gives you vital clues. Knowing where the boundaries are, what's going on around you, and what's inside you, helps you work out what you want and sometimes more importantly what you don't want. With castle building, searching and scrutinizing sidesteps financial ruin, and in relationships we could all do with avoiding costly emotional mistakes.

So:

• gather up your strength;

• put your support systems in place;

• feel excited;

• grab your spade and maybe a modern-day digger; and

• let the inner transformation excavations begin.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work you go.

Awakened Princess

Loving and accepting yourself is a superb start, your first step to really living and loving happily ever after. Doing what you love, having healthy thoughts, being your own best friend, waking up to your wonderful self, and being proud of who you are and what you do, not only increases happiness, it's infectious.

Secret number 4: When you love and accept yourself, it's easier to love and accept others.

The more self-love you have, and the better you cherish and care for yourself, the more awesome and empowered you feel, the more joyful you become. Having healthy, positive attitudes about yourself, who you are, what you are capable of, how you act, and how you look, all help solidify your foundations. Self-love:

• positively influences thoughts, feelings, and behaviours;

• effectively guides you towards accepting and being compassionate towards others; and

• it encircles you with joy, improving the situations and environments you are in.

People who love themselves find it more natural to surround themselves with loving people, uplifting things, and a lifestyle that supports them.

Secret number 5: How you feel about yourself, determines how you relate to others, and how they relate to you.

Most real princesses have too many important things to do, to waste time questioning whether they are good enough. They generally don't get around in slumperdink clothes eating ice cream straight from the freezer in order to numb their feelings. Nor do they take, or allow, negative nonsense from others. At a very young age, they learn to gracefully face the world, to be mindful, courteous and confident, because they know it brings rewards.

Our inner world really does govern a large percentage of our outer world, so it's important we feel good about ourselves. Fill your self-love tanks to overflowing so they can spill over effortlessly. Princesses love to let their brilliance out. Loving yourself is not a selfish act; it's a vital necessity called self-preservation. Purposely giving to yourself, filling yourself up with pleasurable, nurturing things that make you smile and feel fulfilled, can guarantee that you don't operate from a place of emptiness.

Secret number 6: Follow your dreams, and do things that make your heart sing.

Practise gratitude. You can either write down three things you are grateful for from each day or evening, or say them aloud. Find your path, your true north, your passion and your purpose, and know that you are worth the commitment. Don't defer your dreams. Find a way to begin doing what you have always wanted to do. If time and money were plentiful, what would you do with your life? If you won the lottery, what would you do? The more satisfied you feel, the more your happiness increases. Taking responsibility for your personal happiness leads on to naturally contributing to other people's happiness. Happiness is not only about feeling good, it's about living a meaningful life that is full, rich, and interesting. When your authentic self shines brightly, your radiant rays become a beacon that others want to be around.

The first step in loving yourself is to make your own love list, so you can refer to it for inspiration. Knowing what makes your heart sing keeps you enlivened, motivated, passionate, engaged, and excited about life. When you create visual, dreamy mood-boards and written reminders, it brings delight and contentment into your world, and banishes boredom forever more.

List five things that you love to do for others.

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List five things others do for you, that you love.

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List five things that you used to love as a child.

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List five things you used to love doing as a child.

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List five things you would learn, if you could learn anything.

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Here's how it works. What you do for others, and how you do it, is usually a very good indication of what you actually love yourself. Just look at how you shop for gifts. You probably buy other people things that actually delight you. If you love to sit a friend down in front of you and massage away their aches and pains, chances are that you love to be touched. Look at what you are drawn to do for others, what you long to do for yourself on a day off, or what you dream and wish you could do as an extra special treat. Then add those things to your list. The more things you have to choose from, the greater your chance of fulfilment.

Write down:

• possessions you absolutely relish;

• memories that are particularly special to you;

• experiences that make you feel glad to be alive;

• things you just have to indulge in;

• activities that satisfy your soul;

• favourite creative pursuits; and

• wonders that spark your curiosity.