Too many intelligent, attractive women these days find themselves trapped in destructive, unhealthy relationships, or simply settling for far less than they deserve.

In Dump That Chump!, psychologist, author, columnist, and speaker Dr. Debra Mandel offers an essential nine-step program that will enable you to recognize the "red flags" and walk away from unhealthy relationships. Combining sensitivity with a positive "take charge" approach, Dr. Mandel provides checklists, quizzes, true stories, and exercises to help you restore your self-esteem and rid yourself of guilt and shame—so you can Dump That Chump! once and for all, and turn your love life around.

Dump That Chump!

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Chapter One

Cupid's Mission

Though you may be eager to immediately dive into the program for how to dump your chump, as your coach and guide, I can't in good conscience recommend you launch into it without first helping you build a foundation. Thus, while it might be tempting to skip ahead, I strongly discourage jumping forward until you understand my framework for a healthy intimate relationship. Otherwise, even though your motivation might be strong to get rid of the bum, without an appreciation for the true benefits of tossing him out the door, you will have a hard time successfully reaching your goal, and you'll leave yourself vulnerable to even more pain and suffering—which I assume you've already had plenty of! Hence this chapter is dedicated to providing you with information concerning the elements that draw us to relationships, why we're prone to staying too long in those that aren't working, and what we have to look forward to by getting out of a bad relationship.

Of course, if you believe you can't wait a little while longer, you're welcome to skip ahead, but you might find yourself missing a good laugh or two that will hopefully bolster your confidence to do the dirty deed of breaking up with your chump. So, if you can stand it, bear with me for a bit longer and gain the fortitude necessary to move forward. After all, breaking up is never an easy task. And with a chump the process can be especially brutal, since they often very cleverly use their charms to repeatedly reel you back in.

So for right now, sit back and enjoy the story of Cupid and why it's relevant to dumping a chump.

Cupid—the God of Love

So who is this mythical creature known as Cupid? Is he man or boy?

And does he really have the market cornered on love?

Though I'm certainly no expert on mythology, quite frankly after my review of Cupid's tale, I think the guy's been highly overrated. First off, he runs around or he glides (I'm not really sure how he travels) half-naked with wings on his shoulders and a bunch of arrows on his back. Second, in many photos, it appears he hasn't worked out in some time, if ever. (Probably a downside to having wings.) Finally, by today's standards, he's quite dorky-looking, not very manly, and he certainly lacks style. And, as though that's not bad enough, he doesn't even look like an adult, yet he's been granted license to be in charge of some very potent weapons. (Last time I heard, getting pierced by an arrow is very painful.) If you really think about this little mythical mystery, he's more akin to a misbehaving hormonal preteen than to a vibrant male lover, let alone a mature intimate partner. Nevertheless, he's certainly gotten a lot of airtime for his expertise in matters of the heart.

As the story goes (though you could read hundreds of different versions), the little guy was sent by his envy-stricken mom, Venus (a famous Roman goddess, also known as Aphrodite in the Greek version), to make Psyche, the awesomely beautiful mortal, fall in love with a monster. The goal was to get Psyche off the market, hence eliminating any threat to Venus's status as the most attractive creature. Of course, Cupid couldn't pull off his mission, and he accidentally pierced himself with his love arrow, making himself fall for the glorious Psyche. (Rather clumsy, don't you think?) They do get married, but Psyche never actually sees Cupid. In fact, she thinks he's the monster, and he can't tell her otherwise, because if anyone gets wind that Cupid has disobeyed his mom, he's really in for it.

So they maintain this façade for a while—with Psyche never actually seeing that she hasn't married a monster. Her sisters, who also believe she's with a monster, coach her on how to get him into the light so she can cut off his head. Of course, when she finally does get an in vivo glimpse of him, she thinks he's pretty hot. But once exposed, he's gotta split to avoid Mama's wrath—so he deserts her. This puts Psyche in a tizzy and, no longer being able to stand the abandonment, she seeks Venus's forgiveness. (Though keep in mind, while this may sound like a romantic tragedy, Psyche's actually quite shallow: she's chasing after a guy she knows nothing about other than what he looks like.)

Venus, who's completely emotionally disturbed, makes Psyche jump through hoops impossible for any mortal to achieve. Every time Psyche takes on one of the futile challenges posed by Venus (which she's supposed to handle solo), Psyche breaks the rules and accepts unsolicited help from various other gods. But Venus always catches on—the paranoid that she is. You'd think that as desperate as Psyche is to get back her beloved Cupid, she would at least try to comply with the directions she's been given. (Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.)

Finally, to Cupid's credit, he convinces his mom that Psyche's the gal for him, and he wins her approval. Psyche then drinks some potent cocktail and becomes immortalized as the renowned Goddess of the Soul. Yikes, what a way to get promoted!

Granted this is my own, certainly distorted interpretation of the myth—and I'm sure that many would see Cupid's plight in a much more favorable light. But based on my analysis, I'm only impressed by a whole lot of dysfunction: deceit, betrayal, secrecy, and other less than ideal conditions. Okay, so Cupid does eventually stand up to his mom, but come on! Lucky for Psyche, she wasn't killed in the process. Would you really want a guy with all that baggage in charge of your love life? Not to mention, if Cupid was truly less than a fully matured adult, as he generally appears, then with today's laws, Psyche would be considered a child molester. And the alternative isn't much better. In other words, if Cupid was a full-fledged adult man (though a pretty wimpy one), then doesn't his behavior sound a lot like that of a stalker? I don't know about you, but neither of these options seems very appealing, and certainly not my idea of the makings of a healthy relationship!

Excerpted from Dump That Chump!by Debra Mandel Copyright © 2007 by Debra Mandel. Excerpted by permission.
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