Divorcing Smartly: The End of a Marriage Isn't the End of the World

Divorce doesn’t have to be devastating. Reject the idea that you’ll be damaged by the process.

In fact, if you do it right, you’ll grow from the experience. You’ll start your new life better than you were before.

Divorce is difficult. There’s no avoiding the emotional, financial, and legal challenges associated with divorce. Each member of the family will be marked by the experience in one way or another.

What we’ve learned, through working with thousands of families going through divorce, is that some people come out of the experience devastated.

For them, wallowing in the aftermath for years becomes the norm. Their divorce impacts their day-to-day life for decades after the end of the marriage. Many of these people never let go of the negativity surrounding the end of their marriage.

Other people have a different experience of divorce. They bounce back. They cope with the process as it happens and then they recover.

These people move on to live bigger and better lives. They’re happier, healthier, and more prosperous than in the past. They enter into new relationships, and they thrive. They don’t deny the challenge presented by the divorce, but they don’t let it define the rest of their lives.

How is it that people can be impacted so differently by a divorce?

We’re not experts in psychology—we’re lawyers. But, we’ve absorbed some lessons as we’ve observed our clients going through this process.

We’ve found that some people learn from their divorce. They gain new insights. They turn the negatives into positives by maturing and evolving. We think they’ve figured out the way to divorce smartly.

We wrote this book to help you divorce in a smart way.

We can’t pass along all of the emotional lessons to be learned from going through an experience as difficult as divorce—that’s better left to the mental health experts. We can, however, help you understand the legal issues.

Knowing what’s coming, and understanding it before it happens, will give you the emotional space required to grow from your own experience.

Staying one step ahead on the legal issues helps you avoid becoming overwhelmed. Knowing what’s coming allows you to focus on the next step so you don’t get rolled over by the process.

With the knowledge you’ll gain in this book, you’ll be able to Divorce Smartly.

Lee Rosen has worked as a divorce lawyer for nearly thirty years. He has mediated, collaborated, negotiated, and litigated thousands of family law matters to successful conclusion. He has consistently been at the leading edge of bringing advanced technological and management approaches to the practice of family law. His work has been recognized by the American Bar Association. Lee has served in a variety of capacities in many organizations, including the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, the North Carolina Bar Association, and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

Lisa Angel is a board certified family law specialist and has practiced as a divorce attorney for over twenty years. She has served in leadership capacities for the North Carolina Bar Association and served as chair of the Domestic Violence Commission of North Carolina. She has served as a guest lecturer on family law issues at Duke Law School and University of North Carolina School of Law.