From Deep Within
By Ailsa CraigBalboa Press
Copyright © 2017 Ailsa Craig
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-1041-3Contents
Heart to Heart, 1,
Life Is a Gift, 3,
Path of the Moon, 4,
Sunbeam, 5,
The Flight of the Bird, 6,
Looking Out My Window, 7,
The Rain, 8,
Snatched Time, 9,
Waves of Thought, 10,
Moments Imprinted, 11,
One Day, 12,
Time to Say Goodbye, 13,
Bringing You Back to Me, 14,
Goodbye for Now, 16,
Sometimes, 17,
Reaching Out to You, 18,
Your Eyes, 19,
A Morning in Kokopo, Papua New Guinea, 20,
Can't Complain, 22,
Missing You, 23,
My Journey, 24,
The Unicorn, a symbol of beauty and myth, 25,
Winter, 26,
My Soldier, 27,
A New Day, 28,
Little Man, 29,
The Pond, 30,
Morning at the Beach, 32,
The Lone Piper, 33,
Your Return, 34,
Can You?, 35,
Trying to Let Go, 36,
Á la prochaine (Until next time), 37,
Don't Leave, 39,
New Life, 40,
Photographs and Memories, 41,
Good Night, 42,
You and She, 44,
Himalaya, 45,
One Sign, One Word, 46,
A Letter to My Mother, 47,
A Letter to You, 48,
A Special Place, 49,
Slide Show of Memories, 50,
Playing with Waves, 51,
My Tears, 52,
Always with Me, 53,
Moonlight Dance, 54,
Clan Gordon, 55,
Are You Still Mine?, 56,
Beyond the Sea, 57,
Sunset of My Day, 58,
Flames of Delight, 59,
Rain on My Window, 60,
Never Forget, 61,
Look Beyond, 62,
Our Magical New Day, 63,
Cool Satisfaction, 64,
Dance of Seduction, 65,
The Seed, 66,
Seasons, 67,
When You Look at Me, 68,
A Walk in Nature, 69,
Floating on a Chant, 70,
Are You Here?, 71,
A Broken Heart, 72,
My Faraway Love, 73,
Postcard from Plockton, 74,
Photo of You, 75,
Blank Pages, 76,
Memories of Home, 78,
Teardrop, 80,
The Performance, 81,
Is It You?, 83,
My Wish, 84,
I Feel You, 85,
To Just Be, 86,
To Dance, 87,
My Friend, 88,
Is It Wrong?, 89,
The Tree by the Sea, 90,
You Are Here, 91,
Ancestors and Bagpipes, 92,
Farewell to a Friend, 93,
Friendship, 94,
Sunset Thoughts, 95,
A Walk in a Picture Book, 96,
Mon Cher, 97,
Our Moment, 98,
Broken Dreams, 99,
Windows, 100,
The Rhythm of the Night, 101,
Love You, 102,
The Other Side of the Moon, 103,
Southern Chill, 104,
Love Notes, 105,
I Am Me, 106,
Perception, 107,
That Special Look, 108,
The Sad Guitar, 109,
Sunrise, 110,
Somewhere, 111,
Seeking You, 112,
Beyond, 113,
Understanding Lonely, 114,
Paris, Friday, November 13, 2015, 115,
Our Earth Child, 117,
My Songbird, 118,
The Journey, 119,
Life's Steps, 120,
The Mastery of a Word, 121,
To My Friend, 123,
Love, 124,
Your Smile, 125,
CHAPTER 1
Heart to Heart
The night was perfect
for both the body and the soul.
The music that played
moved me to its tune.
Above the noise
of our physical world,
a silent voice spoke to me
through the veil of space.
"Hello," he whispered with his eyes.
I turned to see "him."
His eyes were a rich brown
that spoke volumes
as we met in the glance.
"Oh, hello," my eyes responded.
An immediate connection
was formed,
and we embraced each other with our smiles.
The language was silent
but loud.
We were the only ones
involved in this conversation
of intimacy and connection.
Our eyes and smiles danced
to our music,
experiencing sheer pleasure
together.
The more we connected,
the more intense our dance.
We needed no audible language
to understand our words.
Our music, our dance,
was beautiful.
When the time came
to go,
my eyes expressed sadness.
He answered with a smile.
My silent words cried,
"Please don't go."
He heard and blew me a kiss.
It was the nicest conversation
I have had for a while.
How I long for this
heart-to-heart
once more.
Life Is a Gift
The sun peeks through
cloud-filled curtains
as I open my eyes
to a new day.
Gentle rain falls
as it cleanses
my surrounds
and brings a sense of freshness.
Rise and greet the day
with a smile,
and appreciate that
we still breathe in the gift
of life.
Another day
to enjoy the view,
to hear the sounds,
to see the colours,
to feel the touch
of you.
Path of the Moon
Across the seas,
the moon provides
a path
for you to use.
Look beyond
what you can see,
beyond the golden hues.
And if you dare
to follow it,
by any means you will find.
The light
may become the reality
of that dream
that's never left
your mind.
Sunbeam
If I could catch
a sunbeam
and follow it
across the sea,
your face, your smile,
your everything,
is where I'd want
to be.
The lasting look
upon your face
has left me
with an empty space
in my life
and in my heart.
Why did we meet
only to part?
The Flight of the Bird
As you walk
in the morning light,
watch the birds
take off in flight.
Watch their grace
and wings of strength,
guiding them along
their journeys' length.
Become that bird;
look way below,
and try to find
that person whom you know
is the reason
you must go.
Don't be scared
to take that flight
through the darkness
into light.
Let go of fear
and soar above.
Find the place
where you feel love.
Looking Out My Window
Sometimes I get lost looking out my window.
My memories come flooding back
into my mind.
Oh, how I miss the days when I was
young.
With my friends on our adventures, we would find
places to hide, places to talk, places to be ourselves,
places where we could laugh and smile.
To each other, we were kind.
We had a pact.
We were very close
and, in fact,
best friends; those were the days.
Now we are aging, with children of our own.
Life's confusions, like being in a maze.
Trying to find a way to our dreams.
Life is a journey by whatever way,
by whatever means.
Looking out the window,
sometimes I shed a tear
that you are all so far away —
no longer close, no longer near.
The Rain
The rain comes down
so hard that I hear it on the roof.
It's nice inside.
The wet season is here.
We need no proof.
The sky is black.
I see no stars or moon
as beacons of light.
Just a steady fall of rain
in the darkness of the night.
Hold my hand, hold my heart,
hold my mind as distance
and darkness keep us apart.
I try to keep your eyes
in my memory strong.
As time and rain washes away
my feeling of you, O how I long
for you to always remain
in my heart and in my dreams.
But time has a way of taking away
anything good that has ever been.
My eyes still see
your eyes looking at me.
The rain can't take that away.
What will be will one day be.
Snatched Time
Sometimes
you listen
to a song
that takes you
to a place
in your space
in your memories.
Sometimes
you feel a touch
that means
so much,
or see a smile
that reminds you
once in a while
of the time
we drank
vodka and lime.
You looked
my way,
but the next day
took you
away.
And time
was no longer
our friend.
Waves of Thought
Sitting on the shore,
my toes buried in the sand,
I feel the tiny sharp
corners
of broken shells
nipping my skin.
The waves,
in continual motion,
lap the shore
and bring in treasures,
offerings from the ocean.
The wind is soft
and gentle
as it plays with my hair.
My thoughts
are far away.
I am in a peaceful place.
I am alone
but surrounded by
so much beauty.
Can you
remember me?
Can you
remember my smile?
I look out to sea.
You are so far away
but still so close
in my heart.
Moments Imprinted
To those
who have left
an imprint on my heart,
I hope that when you
look above and
see the clouds part,
you'll think about
times and moments
shared,
smiles and laughs, and
lasting looks from one
who cared.
My life was made
special.
You filled it with
a smile.
There are only a few
who leave their imprints,
and that just once in a while.
One Day
One beautiful day
when the sky is blue,
on a distant shore
I will find you.
And once again,
our eyes will meet,
a feeling so strong that
nothing can compete.
And once again
I will see your smile,
even though
it's been such a long while.
The time and days
that have kept us apart
will enhance our love,
your smile eternally
in my heart.
Time to Say Goodbye
I see the tear
in your eye.
I know it's hard
to say goodbye.
I watch you turn
on your heel,
trying so hard
not to show how you
feel.
And you walk towards
the open door,
both of us knowing in our hearts
that we wanted more.
The time we shared
was memorable,
full of stories and good times.
But now the end has come.
No more words to say.
No more rhymes.
"It's not you; it's me,"
we say.
But this time it is us.
We tried to see eternity.
Our tears will soon turn to dust.
Bringing You Back to Me
I want to write again.
I want to feel my words.
I want my words to dance
in your heart,
for you to feel my footsteps
gently exploring your soul.
In your soul,
I find a memory of our meeting,
a moment
when our eyes spoke
to each other
and an invisible thread of feeling
connected our hearts.
In my life, I have wondered
what such a moment
would feel like.
Because my days have
been hidden behind a maska
mask that covered many moments
of pure dread, fear, and loneliness.
Without that mask,
I could not have prevailed,
for it gave me a place to hide,
to pretend, to survive.
Then you looked over.
And I realised what I had
missed.
And then, just like that,
you left, turned, and blew me a kiss
that has stayed with me
in my heart.
It is all I was allowed —
a moment
in a distant country.
Two distant souls collided.
We spoke with different words,
but our eyes shared
the same language.
My mask has become
my norm now,
but my norm has two rooms.
One is filled with you,
a place I can escape to
and feel the veil of love
surround me for a while,
a secret place where I can
be again
and write poems to you,
bring you back to life,
back to me.
I want to write again.
Goodbye for Now
It's time to go, my love.
It's time to say goodbye.
I've tried to keep my tears at bay,
but it's so hard not to cry.
I think of all the days we've spent
together, just you and I.
It's hard now to imagine
my life will be just "I."
Thank you for the time we shared.
Together we got through.
I will love you for forever —
Until the tides bring me to you.
Sometimes
Sometimes a cloud
can hide a sunbeam.
Sometimes a smile
can hide a tear.
Sometimes a silence
can hide a lost word.
Sometimes a word
can break your heart.
Sometimes a sunbeam
can give you life.
Sometimes a tear
can mean you are happy.
Sometimes silence
is overwhelming.
Sometimes a word
can be very special.
Sometimes we think
we make no difference.
But to the one who cares,
you can mean so much.
Reaching Out to You
Can I reach out
my hand
over tropical palms,
golden beaches, and
desert sand,
over oceans so deep
and lands far away,
over snow-capped mountains
and children at play?
Can I reach out
and touch you
and feel you so near?
In my heart is the
memory
of you I hold dear.
Your Eyes
I still see your eyes,
the nicest eyes I've seen
for a while.
I dived into their
serene pools
and followed the liquid
pathway to your
soul.
And there I found
home.
A Morning in Kokopo, Papua New Guinea
It was wonderful
sitting right up front on the bow
of our banana boat,
my legs dangling over either side.
We skimmed across the water's surface,
which was smooth like a mirror that day.
My toes tingled as the water splashed
up around me.
It was exhilarating.
The wind was playing with my hair
and tying knots in it with gay abandon.
Dolphins kept me company
and playfully splashed around
our boat.
As I tapped on the side, more came
and seemed to enjoy the company.
I know I did.
We headed for the swarm of seabirds
diving into the sea, trying to catch
a meal.
Huge tuna jumped out of the water
and teased us with their presence.
It was beautiful.
I was soaked
with a salty seawater film.
As we continued to bounce over
the surface of the sea,
up went my arms in absolute joy.
Remember this moment, I thought.
Nearby, locals in their canoes
waved and smiled.
Some had huge banana leaves
for protection from the sun.
I smiled; it made sense but looked funny.
The volcano gave the occasional puff
we were used to observing,
hoping that's all it would be.
What a day in paradise.
Can't Complain
I was thinking about things —
you know, the usual stuff —
about life and memories
that sometimes make you tough.
I was lucky to have a great family
and friends. I still have many.
I've travelled to lots of nations
and spent more than just a penny.
I really can't complain that much.
Just sometimes life gets me down.
I find it hard not to smile,
and I hate things that make me frown.
I've shared many a love story
with some wonderful men in tow.
I remember their lovely faces,
and the sadness when it was time to go.
I've also suffered mental abuse
and shed many a tear at night,
lying in my bed and wondering,
How did I start that fight?
My children are my everything,
my light, my shining stars.
I cannot complain about anything,
and I've learnt to hide my scars.
So, as I lie here thinking
And life keeps moving on,
I know I have been lucky
With all who share my song.
Missing You
I miss playing
the piano,
something I
loved
to do,
especially
the music
that came to me
while I was
thinking
of you.
My Journey
And off I go
on a journey
to a place
I've yet to see,
where my heart
will find
what it's missing
instead of what
it remembers
from a memory.
Along the path
I'll wander
and look forward
to what lies ahead,
and hope it all —
the confusion,
the path — is clear
of uncertainties
and leads to
a home for my heart
instead.
And if my journey
does stop here
and all I have
dreamt about is real,
my life will be
more than happy.
Of that I am sure.
I will feel.
The Unicorn, a symbol of beauty and myth
With wind in her mane,
she dances through
the turquoise seas
of the Scottish shores
and blends into the purple
heather hues of
the mystical highlands.
Her majesty
is wild and free.
Her strength
is pure and true.
Her home is a magical
mist
where stories are born
and legends are created.
It is a place to believe in
what you dare to dream —
if you let her magic
take you there.
Winter
The wind bites
right through me.
I feel its grip
get tighter
and tighter
as it surrounds me.
The droplets
of moisture in the air
cut my skin
like broken
shards of ice.
The trees bow
with the weight
of snow
on their branches
as my boots
crunch through
the carpet of ice and snow
that lies before me.
The sky is as blue
as I have ever seen it.
The light of the sun
tells me it's daytime.
Any warmth provided
is overtaken
by the extreme coldness
of winter.
But I feel alive.
My senses are awakened
as they dance
to the tune
of falling temperatures
and exhilarate
in its freshness.
My Soldier
I have a soldier
in my heart.
The distance
between us
keeps us apart.
He fought in battles
unbeknown to me.
I'm sure his courage
set many free.
I don't know
where my soldier
roams,
for we live in
different homes.
I blow a kiss
into the breeze.
I whisper messages
across the seas.
Maybe one dawn
I will find him near.
Until then,
in my heart, I know
he's here.
A New Day
The sun filters through
the curtains
and gently touches
my cheek
like a warm touch
of yesteryear.
The distant buzz
of a plane sounds
as it merges into
the pink and blue smudge
of the afternoon sky.
The birds start
their morning chorus
as the dogs' tails
are wagging
at the thought
of a walk.
It's another day
to open up and
see what's inside.
Little Man
I see your gentle spirit
shining each time
you smile,
a smile that warms
a cold day in winter.
You make the stars
appear at night
and add such sparkle
to our world.
Your eyes are as blue
as the sky above
and as deep as the seas
of our emotions.
Your heart is our island
escape,
when sadness is in
the air.
A gift under the
tree of life.
A gift to all who touch
the light of your
sweet soul.
The Pond
It's a beautiful pond
by which I sit.
Just a few gentle ripples
form wrinkles on its surface.
The hue of the water
is very blue,
trying to match
the summer sky.
The green reeds stand tall with
their feet in the water,
enjoying the view.
The shades of green against the blue
elicit an emotion
I find hard to describe.
Nature's artistic excellence.
There is a warm glow from the sun
adding sparkle
to the surface of the pond.
Such a peaceful place to sit
and collect my thoughts
as I disappear into the depths
that lie before me.
In my mind
I dive into the cerulean
with a sense of the sublime,
another world
full of life busily going about its day.
I feel the peace
in my mind
floating calmly in my spiritual place
of bliss,
observing without cause
to fear.
As I head for the light,
filtering and dispersing the colours
of this foreign land,
slowly I awake
and melt into the soft green grass
of my surrounds.
Morning at the Beach
The beach is beautiful today.
The morning air is losing its crispness
as the sun slowly rises from the horizon.
The sun stretches its rays
out in all directions
and warms me with its glow.
The waves gently kiss the shore.
My toes tingle as the waves
surround me and I sink into the wet sand.
I dive into the clear waters
and feel a freshness and exhilaration
sweep over me.
The sunlight penetrates the watery layers
and lights up small treasures
dotted along the sea floor.
I reach down and pick up a shell.
It's cracked and a bit rough
around the edges
but still amazing in its structure.
We are like the shell,
signs of life's struggles imprinted
on our body and soul.
As I leave the cleansing blue waters
of the sea,
my footprints are swallowed up by
each incoming wave;
my presence is melted away.
More people arrive.
Their smiles ignite my heart.
As I breathe in deep, the salty air
fills my being.
It's invigorating.
I'm ready to start the day.
The Lone Piper
The lone piper stands atop
an ancient wall.
The haunting sounds
of the bagpipe
fill the lochs and burns
that surround him.
The mountains listen
in awe.
The sounds clench my soul
with a fistful of feeling.
My eyes fill with tears.
My heart fills with love.
My blood turns the colour
of the heather,
painting the hills in purple.
And I feel free
yet very connected
to the lovely sounds and the beauty
that has entranced me.
Your Return
Darkness falls.
The remnants of the sunset have dissolved into
the night sky.
The sounds of daily life are
different and quieter.
There is the odd bark from a dog, and laughter
from a nearby gathering.
I look up at the moon.
Her beaming face smiles
down at me.
"It's OK," she whispers. "He will come. He is
following the path of light I laid out for him.
One day you will meet again and your smile
will return."
The sound of a distant siren breaks the
mesmerising gaze I have with the moon.
You are right, I think.
One day I will turn around
and he will be there.
Can You?
Can you walk with me
so I don't lose my way?
Can you talk with me
so I don't lose my voice?
Can I look at you through my eyes
so I don't lose my sight?
Can I give you my love
so I don't lose my heart?
Can I hold your hand
so I can enjoy your touch?
Can you look at me and smile
so I know you see me?
Can you kiss me with a gentle passion
so my senses awaken?
Can I stop asking questions
and know your answers are all that I seek?
Trying to Let Go
Wherever you are,
I hope you are safe.
Whatever you are doing,
I hope it brings you joy.
Whomever you are with,
I hope they surround you with love.
Whatever you remember of me
doesn't matter,
because you have left
a footprint on my heart,
along with others
who have passed by.
You gave me a gift
that was so special to me.
I'm just glad that
where you were then
was where I happened to be,
and that that place
was ours.
Excerpted from From Deep Within by Ailsa Craig. Copyright © 2017 Ailsa Craig. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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