CHAPTER 1
In The Beginning
In the beginning of my journey, I really could not move forward without knowing a few things, or, should I say, a lot of things! I attempted to get my information from family, friends, and even priest, but, there would always come a time when they would look down at their watches, and that meant, that they had other obligations to get to. I was so distraught over that, because whatever had entered into me was seriously craving the truth of it all, yet, I just couldn't seem to satisfy its massive cravings. I then asked God to explain before I allowed him to lead me where he wanted. I'm kind of ashamed to say this, but, I was clueless. I knew nothing about him or about creation itself. I didn't know who I was, why I existed, or, what the meaning of life was all about. I couldn't understand how our world could be so cruel if we have such a loving God. If he truly was Creator of the universe and everything in it, I wanted him to explain to me what no one else had ever been able to. So, I raised my little eyes to the sky and persistently began to request,
"Oh God, if you want me to know this stuff, then you're going to have to teach me yourself. No one else seems to have enough time to explain it all. My Lord, I do wish to know, I do! Please God, tell me what it all means. Who are you? What are you? And what are you meant to be for me? Oh God, why do so many of us not know you? I hear your call to follow, but, how can I follow that which I cannot see and do not know?"
He intrigued me when his Holy Spirit took possession of my barely beating heart. Actually, it freaked me out at first! Then it intrigued me. I needed to know more, much more, in order to be able to understand and accept it all. Yes, it seemed that the call came; for me to reject this world and embrace the cross. So, what did I do? I finally decided to answer; I stopped and dropped everything to let him teach me all about it. I gave up the world and its things and I sat at the feet of Jesus. If he was willing to give up everything to teach me, then I was willing to give up everything to learn. I let the world fade into the background and it was just me and Jesus from that point on.
So, what I was taught in the very beginning is what I will speak about in Part One of this book. Part One encompasses the first few chapters, and, it is actually the beginning of my spiritual journey into my new life in Christ. It is a summary of what I learned while sitting at my Lord's feet. The truth that I learned while there is what allowed me to withstand the difficult journey that followed; the journey into my past mistakes. You see, in actuality, there are two separate journeys I will speak of; one into my new life and one into my old life. Part One will begin to bring you into the call to a new life of holiness, and, Part Three will take you into my finally embracing such. Part Two, however, will have you entering with me, into the difficulties that arose within my old life of sin. I realize that may sound strange, but that is exactly how it all played out; God called me to new life, I answered, he taught, I learned, and then I fully embraced the new life he called me to. That's how it happened, my friend; strange or not.
You will find that the story will have some tense changes back and forth, from the past to the present. That is because, as I stated earlier, we live in the worldly and spiritual realms simultaneously. The memories that Jesus took me to visit were those of disturbing times in my life. The story's words will attempt to describe those times to you, while also allowing you to know of the conversations had between me and my Lord, while viewing the memories through my spiritual eye. Remember, he was walking me into the past, as if we were literally walking along a path that led there. Try to imagine, if you will, yourself being a companion on that path with us, walking into the past while still remaining in the present. I hope the words are able to paint the pictures needed, that will allow you to see and hear, all that we saw and heard.
You may be thinking, how long did all that take to play out? Well, from the time of my encounter with God, to the time of this book being finished, approximately nineteen months had passed by. At the moment of that encounter, Jesus swept me up into the spiritual realm and kept me there for nineteen straight months. Many people, if not most, would say that that is nowhere near enough time to learn about God's mysteries. Even my friends and family would tell me that it takes a lifetime to acquire such knowledge. I understood what they were saying, but they didn't understand what I was experiencing. I felt like I was living a month in a day. That's how long each day seemed to me. Whatever I did, said, and learned in one day, literally felt like I did, said and learned it about a month prior. And every single day within those nineteen months felt the same way. Yes, it was confusing and very overwhelming, but, it was also an experience that I will treasure for eternity. It certainly is true that God's timing is not our timing.
What I mean by saying a month in a day is that in one day within the spiritual realm, I was taught what would normally take thirty days to learn in the worldly realm. If you did the math, you would find that in those nineteen months, I spiritually lived thirty days in one day, which totals out to be seventeen thousand one hundred days. Divide that by the number of days in a year and your answer would be forty six years. Add those forty six years of living in the spiritual realm to my previously lived forty two years in the worldly realm, and you will have a total of eighty eight years. So, if you break it down that way and look at it with your spiritual eye, you would conclude that I have lived long enough, to acquire the amount of knowledge that takes a lifetime to acquire.
It is important to know that Jesus teaches in and through experience, not just words. He literally will take you to the spiritual realm if you let him. That is the only place that we can receive the truth, without the worldly distractions, that seem to blind us to such. You see, first we are to hear about Jesus. Then, we are to learn about Jesus. Once we become open to hearing and learning about who Jesus was and what he did, then and only then, can we make the choice to become open to being taught by him. That simple knowledge of truth was realized when he graced me with my very own gift of crucifixion. We all know that the only way to truly believe and never forget something is to experience it first hand, right? Well, lets just say that Jesus made absolutely sure that I would never forget a thing. We simply cannot deny that which we live. Such experiences are implanted into every fiber of our being and cannot be removed.
My soul rejoices always in his spiritual gift to me and I am humbled to be able to share it with you. The following is a summary of what I believe he taught me through his Holy Spirit. His Spirit testifies to the truth of all things and I believe the following to be his truth, and, our truth as well. I hope it enlightens you to who I believe God is, to who Jesus is, and, to who the Holy Spirit is. I was unfortunate to not have this knowledge for most of my life, but now that I do have it, he has asked me to share it with you. I hope it is able to shed light on your darkness and equip you with the power to believe; to believe in God, to believe in Jesus, and to believe in yourself.
CHAPTER 2
Knowledge: The Power Of Belief
I would like to start off by giving you an insight to the spiritual world that we cannot see with our human eyes. It is the world that existed before we humans came to be, and, it is the same world that is without end. God created us, yes, but he also created the angels and everything else too. God and his angels were the only living beings in existence before he chose to create the earth and its creatures. They live in that spiritual world in the heavens, apart from the material world on earth. They are a family, with God not only being the Creator of it, but also the Father of it. And, just as we know some children to do, some of the angels were led to be disrespectful and disobedient to their Father. They were led into that bad behavior by one defiant angel in particular. His name in heaven was Lucifer, but we now know him as Satan; the evil one, the devil.
Lucifer was God's most powerful angel in heaven until he decided to defy God's will. His evil defiance is what caused him to be cast out of heaven and separated from God. He is still powerful, but now uses his power in the world, since he is no longer welcome in heaven. I say he is still powerful, but, his power can only come from us giving it to him. Jesus already conquered evil. He did so when he gave his life on the cross for us, therefore, the devil has no power over us unless we give it to him. How do we give it? Through our choices and through our ignorance, that's how. Only in our choosing, to seek the knowledge of Jesus' finished work on the cross, can we regain the power back that God always wanted us to have.
You see, Satan had a problem with submitting to God's authority. He refused to obey his Creator and Father. He wanted to be his own god in a sense. Therefore, God honored his choice to defy and leave heaven. He was then separated from God, as well as, from any and all joys. He also convinced other angels to follow him as well and they became separated too. He deceived them with lies so they would give him their praise instead of giving it to God. His lies were in him telling them that they could find happiness in doing whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and however they wanted. But, once they followed those lies, they found that without the discipline of order, there can only be chaos and confusion. Sound familiar? It should. That's exactly what we humans fall for when we stray from God's commandments every day. We should all give thanks to God for the mercy he showed us when forming our human free will. He gives us the choice between him and Satan. Unfortunately though, in our anger and frustration, many of us unknowingly choose the latter.
When God created man to be part of his family and capable of having constant communion with him, Satan and his followers became angry because they had lost their privilege to be members of that loving family. Satan told God that mankind would fall short of remaining holy; that we would defy him too. God knew that could happen since it happened with his own angels, so he made sure we had the chances needed to turn back if we strayed. God gave us humans a free will that could be used more than once in case we did fall short. Our free will is meant to choose good over bad. It was given as a gift of respect and guidance. God believes that we should not be forced to love another and that it must be of our own free will to do so. And, since he chose to love us, he assumed that we would choose to love him back.
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. A choice that must be made without coercion. True love does not fade when emotions get rattled. It's strong and faithful like God himself. God is love. He is the only true love among us. The only love that will not abandon us. One cannot know true love unless one surrenders all to Jesus. There is no other love as true. And, we can only truly love another person if we are in unity with God, because as I said, he himself is love. When we experience a deep and profound love for someone, God is loving through us. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you possess the power to love without Jesus. If you are in a relationship that produces love and are not in union with Christ, then your love is not as true as you think. Bring Jesus into your relationship and watch the depth of your love soar to a new height! Be joined together in Christ as he always meant you to be. That's how two become one. The concept is in front of us every day. Man and woman are two and they become one in their child. God's Holy Spirit and Mary are two and they became one in Jesus. What God created upon this earth is the way for us to become one through joining our flesh and his Spirit, which are two. It is through that kind of union that we become the unique one that God can be pleased with.
God thought we would choose to love him back. He really did. Why wouldn't we? He created us. Well, we would have reciprocated equally if Satan would not have turned jealous of our relationship with God and began to tempt us into defiance. You see, Satan is separated from God. That means that he doesn't know love anymore. He no longer knows it because he chose to leave it. He doesn't have it so he doesn't want us to have it either. His temptations cause us all to fall. His deceitful lies caused our very first parents to fall into sin. Since God gave his human creation a free will though, he also gave us the chance to choose. He wanted to prove Satan wrong. He wanted to show that his new creation could be faithful and share in his love.
Adam and Eve were living in the garden of Eden where God placed many fruitful trees for food. He was giving his new creation a choice between life and death with two trees in particular though. Those two trees were placed in the center of the garden and they would serve to define the future of mankind. God commanded they not eat from one. Only one tree was forbidden to be eaten from. If they ate from that particular tree, they would also be separated from God, just as Satan and his followers were. That separation was their consequence for defying God's will. Adam and Eve were also facing the very same test of obedience to their God. The same test of which Satan had failed.
One would think that such a test would not be difficult, but, Satan is the father of lies and he went to work on Adam and Eve, just as he does on us today. They were told not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They were commanded. God said if they ate from it, they would die. They had no reason to doubt their Creator; no reason until Satan began to plant greed and doubt in their minds. He knew their flesh was weak. He knew what they didn't yet know.
Adam, the first man, was given the duty of guarding the garden and everything in it. This included being guardian of Eve. He was meant to protect both she and the garden itself. When Adam became complacent, the evil serpent entered the garden and so did the evil temptations. The serpent began to speak with Eve. He was befriending her with his cunningness. He began to tell her things like such,
"Certainly you will not die if you eat from that tree. That cannot be true. That tree offers knowledge. You could be like God and possess all knowledge if you partake in that fruit. Go ahead, try it."
The serpent's cunning words peaked Eve's interest as well as Adam's. They became selfish and wanted all they could get. They too, as Satan did, wanted to be like God and possess all knowledge. Eve then agreed with the serpent, took the forbidden fruit, and shared it with Adam. God said they would die if they ate that fruit, but they were still alive after eating. However, by choosing the tree of death over the tree of life, they did suffer a spiritual death. And, they had then become destined to mortality, which meant that they would suffer much sorrow. Their bodies were then mortal bodies. Ones that would need to die and perish because of the evil allowed upon them. Those tainted bodies of flesh would not be able to enter heaven. The tree of life offered immortality though. It would have given them an eternal and joyous life as God intended from the beginning. That life would have saved them from sorrow and misery and allowed them to remain in union with God, as well as, receive all of his glorious blessings.
What God meant, by saying that they would die if they ate the forbidden fruit, is that they would enter a spiritual death while still on earth. Such a living death carries weariness and misery. Those are things that are found outside of God. That kind of death occurs when one defies God's Word. It is the consequence of defiance. Such disobedience to God's will is called sin. It is unclean and unacceptable by the Holy One.
