Confessions

By Authoress Terry E. Lyle

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Authoress Terry E. Lyle
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4685-6330-6

Contents

1. Don't turn Away...............................................12. You're gone...................................................23. When no One Listens...........................................44. It's Hard Being a Player......................................65. Don't Look Back...............................................86. When Giving up Isn't an Option................................97. I'm Watching..................................................118. The Battle between the Heart and the Ears.....................139. In Appreciation...............................................1510. Fed Up.......................................................1711. My Dear Friend...............................................1912. Open-Up......................................................2113. Some Things Need to Change...................................2314. Back in Those Bible Days.....................................2515. Is There Hope for Mankind?...................................3216. Maturity versus Youth........................................3417. Pussylicious.................................................3618. Staying Focused..............................................3819. Skinny Dipping...............................................4120. The Mind.....................................................4321. Stay on Alert................................................4522. The Ralston..................................................4723. The Story about Sad Mr. Moe..................................4924. Yesterday....................................................5525. I Want to Say This...........................................5726. It's an "F ... ing Shame"....................................5927. I Must be Crazy..............................................6028. I Confess....................................................6329. Forlorn......................................................6530. Stealing your Man............................................6631. A Passion for Fashion........................................6832. Finding Myself...............................................6933. Chocolate Crutch.............................................7034. Heaven.......................................................7135. Just Trying to Make It.......................................73

Chapter One

Don't turn Away


When in trouble don't turn away
My advice to you is kneel down and pray
Just reveal what's in your heart
Then you'll be off to very good start
God is waiting just for you
The gospel is His greatest news
This life is filled with troubled days
So gain your salvation and learn to pray
Acknowledge that Christ is the Son of God
Believe this truly, it isn't that hard
Repent and get baptized right away
So we'll meet in Glory in Heaven one day


You're gone


You're gone again, I'm left alone
This place no longer feels like home

I feel abandoned and I guess it's true
As I look around I don't see you

The nights they seem the very worse
Inside I'm dying and for your love I thirst

I don't care what others may see
I also deserve a special love for me

I'm sure there are some who may want to laugh
While they judge me through their looking glass

I'm hanging on for the littlest token
Even though I know my connection is broken

I'm shattered inside as you snuck away
You had played me it's needless to say

You left and didn't even say "Good-bye"
This awful pain it just needs to die

You pulled the plug and I don't know why
And here in my misery I just sit and cry

So now you're gone and I'm all alone
This house no longer feels like home

I need to adjust living on my own
It's my responsibility now that I am grown

I will recover, get past the unknown
As I make my house feel like a home.


When no One Listens


Often I find myself thinking why do I bother?
Why do I waste my precious time trying to
communicate when it falls on deaf ears? Placing
upon myself the baggage of my friends woe's that
is heaped upon me as If I was an ice-cream cone
waiting to be licked. Dripping with pleads of
anguish on what I should do next.

Immediately I jump into action and I'm suited and
booted. Plans have been made and the gauntlet
has been dropped; so marching straight ahead
to deal with the issues at hand, I turn around to
find myself alone fighting their battles. Hadn't we
discussed all the plans, how come I thought they
were listening?

Was it the chatter of them bumping their gums
that made me assume we were brainstorming?
What happened? Did we not agree on what
should be done next? I guess no one was listening.
Or what about those occasions when you feel like
you're being stalked, you nicely shun off all of the
advances while getting nowhere, still being pursued
lets you know that no one is listening.

When the phone ring and again I refuse to meet
the person on the other end, how come they
don't realize that I'm not listening? Often all of us
experience what's known as wasted conversation.
When good advice is given yet the receiver just
allows it to go over their heads.

You rationalize why this is or are they just plain
stupid? It boils down to no one is listening. When
a deaf ear is turned away from good advice no
matter the circumstances or how difficult a
problem may be ...

"It'll never get resolved if no one is listening."


It's Hard Being a Player


It's hard being a player and you know the game

breaking hearts and not taking names.

Females will be tripping while up in your grill

waiting for a show of emotion that they hope will
spill.

But all you want to do is stick them and move on

because you have to disappear before the
morning's dawn.

It's hard being a player and not taking names,

you can't risk getting close because it's not part of
the game.

You don't respect the people that you are with

when they find out about you then you're really
pissed.

You just want them for their sexual delights

as you creep in the darkness within the still of the
night.

False promises you often would make

never taking responsibility for the hearts that you
break.

It used to be easy treating other people like fools
until

you had an attack of morals which wasn't part of
the rules.


Don't Look Back


It's over, the headache and the tears, no longer is
your life filled
with fears.
Don't look back
How many lies were told each day?
Had you feeling stupid in the worst way yet you
fell for each word they had to said
Don't look back
Never financially contributing their part, they just
get angry and threaten to walk
Don't look back
Ideas that they have cheated on you, is now a
reality that you know is true
Don't look back
Their features have changed and weight has been
gained
Don't look back
Trust is now fleeting and your heart has stopped
beating
because you fell for the lies and the cheating
but ...
Don't look back


When Giving up Isn't an Option


Too often I find myself wondering why I go on.
My family is ungrateful. My friends are users and
new acquaintances can't be trusted. But when I
look into the face of a stranger who appreciates my
small gesture of kindness, lets me know that I must
go on ...

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.

When I think I should just give up on humanity
and pondering how I can escape my reality, I
realize I haven't the resources to just abandon ship
and start over anew elsewhere ...

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.

The news is flashing warnings to be on the
lookout for another child killer from someone
close to the family. The community is in outrage
as you watch little innocent children needing
appropriate guidance and happy for any show of
affection will make you smile on the inside ...

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.

Daily taking in the word of God while you believe
no one is listening, afraid to openly confess your
short-coming and expose your fears before the
congregation of fellow church members. Trying to
do what is right before the eyes of God ...

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.

Another miserable day rolled into another,
and your situation looks bleak. Medical issues
have ravaged your body and there's no relief
from the pills, your limitations and feeling the
defeat of depression. An endless cycle on the
merry-go-round of life hoping to grasp the brass
ring ...

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.

Having dreams and goals to fulfill and people who
depend on you still. Even though your hair has
turned grey you're full of wisdom and you need
to stay, to share that knowledge to those in need
while you're still inclined to perform these deeds

That is one reason why giving up isn't an option.


I'm Watching


I'm watching the news and it's pretty bleak
so I've decided that I will not speak.
Turmoil is rampant everywhere that I seem to turn
so many
doomed to Hell, where they will eternally burn.
I'm watching the news and I'm filled with dread a
child was
snatched right out of her bed.
Things are so bad that I want to cry
but sadly inside my soul it just dies.

I'm watching the news with concern on my brain
about the outcome of the economy that's going
down the drain.
This government is really strained to the max,
while the people are denied all of the facts.
I'm watching and I don't like what I see
an increase in sorrow and misery.
Every class of people has been under attack
how can we restore peace and harmony
without breaking our backs?


The Battle between
the Heart and the Ears


The reason why nice words aren't good enough
is because it will have you stuck on stupid.
Sometimes I feel stupid because I won't wait for
that special person to come along. Instead I'm
hoping that this current person I'm attracted to is
my dream come true, based on the sweet adjectives'
he has used to describe me.

My heart and ears hear differently so I've decided
to let my brain referee the situation. My heart
hears the words "Baby" and my ears hear that
I'm considered "young in thoughts and not taken
seriously." My heart hears the words "Sweetie" and
jumps up and down with a warm feeling, yet my
ears hear this as flattery because "you haven't done
anything sweet for me."

My heart hear the words "You're the one" and
I'm floating on cloud nine, yet my ears hear how
can that be possible I don't hear your voice on the
phone nor do I actually know where you live ...
so how can this be true? My heart hears the words
"I'll protect you" and I feel so Secure all over, yet
my ears hear that you want to control the situation
or maybe you have an unchecked jealous streak.

I haven't heard from you lately and I may receive
an occasional text or email-message. My heart is
beating erratically because I'm feeling so many
different emotions, resulting from confusions
generated by all those beautiful adjectives' you have
used to address me.

Time has passed and all I feel is highs and lows
while waiting for you to jumpstart my heart. My
ears hear that you're playing with me and my heart
slows down in beats waiting patiently for every
little compliment you may throw in my direction.

As the referee is pounding the mate counting to
ten a decision has just been made.

"You're out" ... the bell has sounded on this
relationship as the brain also this bout's referee
announces the winner ... raising the arm of the
champ claiming ... "Victory goes to the ear" for
taking the time to listen to his coach (the eyes) and
making the right assessments

The heart has cardiac arrest and the diagnosis is ...
This relationship is over

In Appreciation

To Minister Samuel A. Alexander

It was many years ago when Brother Samuel Alexander decided to venture here. He came with his family that all of South Girard Church of Christ in Phenix City, Alabama ... now openly holds very dear. And as the years has passed our membership continued to grow, as he threw-down the word of God so all of us may know. We have grown in knowledge in the gospel because of the hard work he didn't ignore; he lovingly even shook the hands with everyone who exits at the door. Now all of us would have to admit his dialect wasn't our own, but after awhile of listening to it ... well on us has really grown. We've learned a lot about Brother Alexander and people are really the same, but the fundamental thing that's still alike is we all praise God's Holy name. Also did you know that he is really good with names? I wonder if it comes with the territory or maybe I'm just insane. He has the responsibility as our leader who must guide us safely home so we may dwell in heaven beneath God's Celestial dome. Often your heart may be convicted and your soul may even weep as he diligently and faithfully continues to lovingly preach and teach. I pray for many more years to come under the guidance that he will bring, and even when he leads the song ministry teaching us songs that we just can't sing. It's been uplifting and a lot of fun sharing in the lives that he has touched and always the peacemaker when sometimes we go nuts. South Girard Church of Christ is blessed to have the Alexander's here, as they continue on their path ... guided by faith, into the future upcoming years.

Fed Up

Stop looking at me like I have the problem because we both know that it's you, it's no reason why you should be fed up when you created this mess.

You have jerked off the finances and we still have bills to pay and you wonder why I'm fed up. Constantly you act childish and want to scream and yell, hoping this gives you an advantage point ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

Having sex with you have become a gift the way it is "Awarded", but you always have something else to do or somewhere else to be ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

You wake me up for the silliest things that you could easily do without my assistance and when I ask you "why?" you say "oh forget it" but you act like I'm wrong ... and you wonder why I am fed up.

When we're out in public you never seem to have my back, always making me look bad because of your lack of support or nasty attitude around my friends ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

I call you constantly and you never return my calls, but if you call me I'm expected to move like it's a 9-1-1 emergency ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

You have so much conversation for everyone else and you can't give me the time of day, your face has a frown as if you are continually sucking on a sour lemon ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

Everyone can get a smile out of you and you appear to be a lot of fun, but when we're together your mood is pissy and you're mean and nasty ... and you wonder why I'm fed up.

My Dear Friend

From life to death it will eventually be ... yours and my tombstone that someone will read.

Everyone's been through some ups and downs and all our lives have been turned around, but thank God for salvation that has been found.

Those bad habits that could have stolen our lives away have been restored because of someone who prayed, I'm positively sure you would agree and at least that's what I believe.

Our families were often disgusted by us and our mood swings that would make us cuss. Never realizing how often it did, create confusion within someone's head. When never taking the time to think that our attitude could even stink.

Thinking everyone else was wrong because our emotions had us feeling alone. The years have trickled by our lives were spared and we wonder why inside we are filled with the baggage of emotional cries.

Our kids are grown and yelling in our face they lost their respect when we fell from grace. Thank God for a Social Security check, even though good money was spent making lottery bets.

Who would have thought this would be as fortunate as life would get because of wasted time on our butts we sat ... My body's old now yet I continue on working towards my eternal dawn hoping to rest on that celestial lawn. I miss you friend and that is true it hasn't been the same me without you. Hope I'll see you someday in glory where together we will complete our amazing story.

Open-Up

You can't stay in the dark when someone is showing you the light. You need to fight past your insecurities and challenge yourself to move forward, instead of feeling pampered in your ignorance living within your personal bubble.

Often we express concerns on why things seem out of reach when it's our own demons that keep us bounded in the fears of the unknown. Soon as something is unfamiliar to us, immediately we think it's wrong and we fight against accepting change.

Struggling with accepted behaviors of our past that hasn't produced much profit in personal growth, mental awareness or comfort levels in our personal relationships, yet we fear abandoning what we've become use to, unwilling to accept something totally out of our comfort zone.

Always looking for the arrival of our prince/princess charming, spoken about in Fairytales, but jaded because so far all that's been found were the villains, tricksters, con artists and day-dreamers that haven't stepped into the realm of reality.

Yet hope seems fleeting at best for that soul-mate to arrive. The closest thing to your perfect match has been taken away, either by someone else who has laid claim long before you came into the picture, or by mood swings and changes in the one you thought would be yours forever, or by death.

However, we fail to realize that true love is still waiting out there if we take the chance to venture further than our opinions, stop being caught in the trappings of being familiar with others that you confuse this with love when it's compatibility without the passion.

Needing to be held by that special person who makes your heart beat rapidly while you crave to breathe their air, you picture them in your mind and in other faces that you glance upon. Wanting to share the same space and listening for the sound of their voice immediately brings a smile to your lips.

Ready and willing to open up while having complete confidence in openly sharing your tears and your thoughts without fear of rejection or ridicule seems sometimes like a sweet dream that's found only in your sleep and out of reach and you need to open up.

Some Things Need to Change

Something needs to change because your head is stuck in the sand just like an ostrich you find yourself running around in the same circle making the same mistakes but you don't change your path.

What's the matter? Did you just think you were unlucky in love? Maybe the problem was with you and your uptight views and opinions. If things aren't going your way, then you act out.

Grow up it's time to be accountable for your actions, and you need to stop stressing out everyone around you. For goodness sakes something needs to change!

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Confessionsby Authoress Terry E. Lyle Copyright © 2012 by Authoress Terry E. Lyle. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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