CHASING LATITUDES A crazed cockamamie Caribbean tale: The Caribbean. The name alone conjures up images of sun, surf and fun. Fun being the ideal word for the sometimes mysterious Caribbean. A place where anything can happen and usually does. Years ago Ca
Chasing Latitudes
A cockamamie caribbean taleBy Joshua MacLeodAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 Joshua MacLeod
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4685-9570-3Contents
Introduction...............................................................1Chapter 1: Should I stay or should I go....................................3Chapter 2: A Flying Boat...................................................11Chapter 3: Feet Wet........................................................25Chapter 4: Reality Bites...................................................36Chapter 5: Wet Dreams......................................................69Chapter 6: A Nun's Confession..............................................86Chapter 7: Reality Rules...................................................96Chapter 8: Mother May I....................................................124Chapter 9: Way Past Dead...................................................130Chapter 10: Shambolic Beginnings...........................................132Chapter 11: Black Sandal Affair............................................148Chapter 12: Forgive Me Sister for I Have Sinned............................164Chapter 13: Festive Beginnings.............................................171Chapter 14: A Woman Scorned................................................194Chapter 15: Tropical Antidote..............................................203Chapter 16: Something Scary in the Water...................................210Chapter 17: Just Another Day in Paradise...................................218Chapter 18: Sharpening the Pitchforks......................................227Chapter 19: Ride It Like You Stole It......................................230Chapter 20: Diego's Bailiwick..............................................245Chapter 21: Tropical Latitudes.............................................246Chapter 22: Pirate Latitudes...............................................255Chapter 23: Desperate Measures for a Desperate Formula.....................257Chapter 24: This Way to Paradise...........................................259Chapter 25: Toys for Boys, or Boys for Toys................................268Chapter 26: Them There are Pirates.........................................272Chapter 27: Return to Paradise.............................................284Chapter 28: Big Bad Voodoo Mama............................................300Chapter 29: Morning Irony..................................................305Chapter 30: Won't you be my neighbor.......................................312Chapter 31: Gypsys Leaving The Palace......................................320Chapter 32: Regurgitated and Aggravated....................................327Chapter 33: Let the festivities proceed....................................330Chapter 34: Sexy Friends Forever...........................................336Chapter 35: Island Hopping.................................................345Chapter 36: Mojo Rising....................................................353Chapter 37: A Chicken Rock.................................................358Chapter 38: Pullover here..................................................366Chapter 39: Party's Over...................................................373Chapter 40: Chasing Latitudes..............................................378Chapter 41: The party's just getting started...............................383Chapter 42: Turn the blender on high.......................................395Chapter 43: Lost Sheep Squadron............................................406Chapter 44: Pour me a tall one.............................................420Chapter 45: Torpedoes away.................................................425Chapter 46: The coconut juice has gone sour................................436Chapter 47: Hot Fudge Sundays for everyone.................................438Epilogue...................................................................441Acknowledgments............................................................445
Chapter One
Should I stay or should I go
SUMMER 1990
Domino College had sadly turned into Domino Jailhouse. It was called a 'boys home,' operated by the Catholic Church and partially funded by the city of Miami. The dilapidated building had housed orphans for the last 50 years, but it seemed like 150 to Mike, who didn't even remember much about the three and four foster homes he'd been in before finally landing at Domino College at the age of 11. For him the reality was ironic tragedy. A penguin monastery. Why the the black coats were referred to as "Sister" or "Father" was commonsensical suicide for Mike, when the whole kit and caboodle seemed quite the opposite of the infamous K.K.K.. He had grown tired of the cliched existence. The rumor was, the older you are, the harder it is for adoption. The majority rules. Ninety percent of the time the adoptive families seek young children, much younger. He tried recalling how he had ended up in such a plight. Only vague images of unhappy childhood parents remained. Painfully, Mike accepted the sting; now 16, he was grounded until 18. Even his boyish good looks, brown hair and eyes, tall figure, and growing physique, was not attracting potential families. He had been festering there for the past five years. But with the friendship he developed with Billy, his towheaded and freckled faced partner, and Sister Mary, it had become home. He and Billy had shared the same room, and as much as they had in common, their dreams were mismatched. Mike's desires were for adventure and travel with a spice of larceny along the way. His beating heart whispered at night that there was more to living than this strict life, and his desire to break out mounted on a daily basis. His friend, Billy had given up all hopes of ever being adopted and Mike couldn't blame him. Billy was a career orphan. Bussed around the southeast since his parents gave him up to the system as an infant.
"Mike ..."
"Yeah ..."
"Who invented dominoes?"
"No idea. I'll ask Sister Mary next time I see her."
"Ok."
They continued their game when suddenly they heard a familiar sound. They glanced up at each other. Eyes wide, mouths dropped open as blood rushed through their veins. Mike threw down a double six domino and smiled.
"You think it's him, Mike?" Billy asked.
"Sure sounds like his Jeep."
Their hearts came alive at the thought. The next thing they knew they were glued to the window. If they could have materialized through the glass, it would have happened. Domino College had suddenly turned to Domino Recess.
"It's him! He's headed this way," Mike said.
They watched as the old military Jeep made its way toward the boys' home, making a sharp left turn into the parking lot, and coming to stop in the shade next to the building.
"That's such a cool Jeep," Billy said.
Frustrated, Mike backpedaled to his bed and dropped, contemplating what to do.
Billy's face still glued to the window. "It's so cool he can drive around without a roof."
"Yeah. Has to be cool," Mike replied with discontent. "Glad to see that old Jeep miraculously still running."
"It's been a month since we last saw him," Billy said as he looked over at Mike laying on the bed thinking.
"It has been a while."
"Shit, Mike. You have that look. That, 'I want some excitement' look. Last time you had that look we both ended up getting fifty whacks from by Father Tipsy," Billy said, rubbing his ass. "We had to write one thousand Hail Mary's. You know Father Tipsy hits harder than Sister Mary!"
"Yeah- yeah. I remember. Don't worry. I won't get you in trouble this time. Besides, I miscalculated. If things had gone like I planned we would have been spanked by Sister Mary instead, and you know she only pretends to spank us."
"My ass still hurts, Mike, and it's been months."
"Yeah, mine too."
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm out of here, Billy! Every time he drops by, he and Sister Mary talk about all the wild trips they had aboard his boat through the Caribbean. I have to find a way to sneak aboard."
Mike stood next to Billy and watched the tall, tanned, dark haired, and big boned Captain exit the Jeep and make his way inside the building.
"Are you fucking crazy, Mike?"
"Shhh ..." Mike pantomimed the universal sign for silence. "He's headed for Sister Mary's office. I'm going to go listen. You coming?"
Billy silently nodded his approval, and they quietly headed out of the room. Whispering, Mike said, "It's our lucky day, coast is clear."
Fast walking down the hallway, they silently opened the janitors door next to Sister Mary's office and locked it behind them. Silent as the grave, they removed a few boxes covering a dime-size hole in the wall. A glimmering light showed through. They smiled at each other. Taking turns, they saw and heard the conversation. Careful not to make any noise, Mike motioned for them to place their ears by the hole facing each other, and they listened with gleaming grins.
Captain stood out like a peacock in his bright multicolored Hawaiian shirt compared to his sisters deathly black coat.
"So- Sis. You going to take that black Sunday dress off and head back to the islands with me? I have the Jumper fueled and ready to go," Captain said. He sat in front of Sister Mary's desk, feet propped up, and looked around the tiny cluttered office, jammed with books and filing cabinets. A giant stack of Bibles in the corner.
"How much longer are you going to pay penance for your sins in this place? You weren't that bad, Sis. Say a few Our fathers, a couple Hail Mary's; I'll go to confession with you. Then we're out of here. You. Me. The Caribbean, just like the old days!"
Sister Mary chuckled. "Yellow! I said no. I'm not that girl any more. I'm happy here, and besides, these kids need me. They don't have anyone. I'm enjoying my new life."
"Ok! You're just wasting away trying to be good. I'm all for being good at times, but it's the summer- it's time to be bad."
"Yellow. Stop tempting me, please! Now, where are you headed?" Sister Mary asked curiously.
"You really want to know," Captain said, crossing his arms behind his neck.
Mary chuckled. "Oh- Bahamas? St. Barths? Snake Island? Anguilla?"
"How about all of the above," Captain mockingly added with a sideways smile.
"Sounds good, but I've lived my share of the fun life, and I'll be thinking about you."
"I know you will, but if you change your mind, you know where I'll be, Sis." Captain reached into his pocket and handed her a small white envelope. "Here. I thought you could use it, seeing how little you must get paid working here, if any."
"Why do you always do this? I wish you wouldn't. I'm happy here. Take it back."
"No! Go shopping or something, just have some fun. No offense, Sis. I feel like you're suffering here."
"None taken. The only ones suffering are these kids." With a hopeful glance, she added, "When are you going to listen to me and take one of the kids with you? You would be doing them a favor and they need someone in their lives."
"Absolutely not! Have a kid ruin my summer. The last thing I need is to babysit. Besides, you really want me responsible for corrupting some kid?" Captain grumbled. "Look at the time! It's getting late, and I still have to drive to Steve's Marina."
"I get it. You're a mean ogre. Did you get your rum and chocolate?"
Captain gave a very sideways smile with squinting eyes.
"The ogre didn't forget the rum and chocolate."
Sister Mary added laughing. "I'll never forget the time you took off for the Bahamas and ten minutes into your flight, you realized you had no chocolate, and turned around."
"Very funny! You know I'm addicted to the stuff, like a smoker and cigarettes. I get fidgety after a few days without it."
"Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it. Please take care of yourself out there. Remember, there are still pirates in those strange tides." Sister Mary walked over and gave him a goodbye hug.
"Thanks, Sis, I'll be safe, you take care. I'll phone you when I get back, like the end of July."
"I'll be waiting to hear all about about it. Tell the ex-patriots I said hi, that I miss them all."
"I will Sis," Captain said. "Hey, can I use the men's room before I head out?"
"Sure, you know where it is. I'll meet you by the front door."
"Ok."
* * *
Whispering to Billy, Mike was almost too excited for words. "Billy! You hear that? He's going back this summer!"
"Yeah! I wonder what kind of boat it is, must be a big one, to be able to travel around like that."
"Let's get back," Mike whispered, again making the universal quiet sign. Billy nodded his approval, and they quietly left the utility room, scrambling back to their room. Once inside, Billy stood stunned. He watched Mike frantically tossing through his dresser drawers, grabbing clothes and shoving them in his back pack. Billy couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"What the hell are you doing, Mike? I hope it's not what I'm thinking you're thinking?"
"Yes, it is Billy. I'm out of here! I don't want to spend another summer in this place."
"And how do you think you're going to pull this off. It's not like you're going to climb in that Jeep and he's going to say- 'Ok! let's go kid'," Billy replied, watching Mike pack his things.
"Here!" Mike said pointing to the window. "Help me get this window open. There's a heavy cover over his things. I'll hide in the back under it, and I'll jump out when he gets to where he's going before he sees me. I'll hide and watch what boat he loads his things into. Then I'll sneak aboard and I'm off!"
"What if you get caught Mike? He may turn you over to the cops, or worse, he may do like the pirates used to do, tie a cannon ball to your feet and make you walk the plank. You heard Sister Mary, she says there's still pirates out there," Billy added anxiously as he and Mike pried open the window together.
Mike gave Billy a confused look then smiled.
"Are you kidding me, Billy? It's 1990. You don't believe that pirate stuff? Give me a break."
"What if he finds you?"
"That's the whole plan, but not until we're far away from here, when it's too late to turn back or do anything about it," Mike replied as he lowered himself out the window.
"Throw me my backpack when I get down, okay?"
"Sure thing."
"Oh- and, Billy- thanks. I'll be back, and I'll tell you all about it," Mike replied. He reached back in the window and shook Billy's hand.
"You better. I'll cover for you while you're gone. See ya, Mike."
"Thanks, Billy the Kid, I know you will."
Mike let go of the window ledge and dropped down, glanced around and then looked up and motioned for Billy to drop his backpack. He caught it, glanced around again, hoping no one was watching. When he saw it was all clear he stood at attention and saluted Billy who returned the salute and smiled.
* * *
Outside Sister Mary sat on the steps admiring the beautiful Florida summer day, perfect blue skies and picturesque white clouds. Another minute went by when she started to wonder what was taking Captain so long. "He must be taking a dump again ..." she thought when suddenly, she heard a noise around the corner of the building. She spotted the Jeep's bumper parked in the shade next to the building. She heard another sound. Wondering what that could be, she got up and walked to the corner, slowly peeking around just in time to see legs and a pair of sneakers disappearing under the tarp. She thought she recognized those size as, Mike's. Just then she glanced up and saw Billy closing the blinds of the window. Sister Mary was about to blow a screw when she thought about it and what she had said earlier to Captain. Her mind started racing like a monkey on the conga drums. She glanced back at the front door. "Shit Captain! I hope you're still on the toilet, I need one more minute. Dammit!" she thought.
* * *
Inside the bathroom stall Captain sat on the toilet rambling away as he read a magazine about the Catholic Church and their programs around the world.
"Boring! Boring! Lame, lamo! Get a life sister.... Wow! You're too hot for that outfit sister, let me show you a thing or two."
* * *
Outside Mary pulled away the cover, only to find Mike scared shitless that he had been discovered.
"OH, SHIT!"
"Shhh!" Mary hissed. "Watch your mouth. Now listen to me."
His ears perked up. He couldn't believe his luck. Sister Mary was helping him escape the compound.
"When you get on board, hide under his cot. It's the only place big enough for you to hide. Wait for at least an hour before letting him know you're there. Don't worry about things on this end, I'll take care of everything."
"Thanks, Sister Mary," Mike whispered, astounded.
She gave Mike a caring look. "You need this more than you know- I'll be praying for you two. Bye!" With that she covered him up again and made sure the tarp was secure for the trip Mike had to endure to the boat yard. Suddenly she heard Captain calling out for her.
"Sis? Thought you said you'd be outside."
Mary took a deep breath and walked back around the corner toward him.
"I was just blessing your Jeep for a safe trip," she replied trying to be calm.
"Really? You did the whole sprinkling of the water thing?" Suspiciously Captain glanced at her. "That most have been one hell of a blessing! You look like you just exorcised my Jeep, Sis. It's just a Jeep. Well ... I take that back, there could be some ghosts still lingering around after the war."
"Oh, be quiet silly! You better get going. I'll miss you, Yellow." She gave him a hug.
"Remember, you're in my prayers."
"Thanks, I need all I can get."
"Can I ask for a small favor?"
Again, he gave her an examining glance.
"Sure Sis. What will it be?"
"Give me a call when you get where you're going."
"As you wish. Gotta go. Don't party too hard," Captain replied sarcastically. He jumped in his Jeep, started it up and fumbled around inside.
"Yellow, remember. God works in mysterious ways."
He looked up, caught her glance, and replied, "Here. Have some chocolate. You're acting weird, and you look like you need to get laid. Bye!"
They gave each other the traditional Hawaiian hand signal as he drove off into the sea of cars. Mary stood watching with scared disbelief, then glancing up at Mike and Billy's window, and said, "What have I done?"
She had to find a way to cover for Mike, and she was going to need Billy's help.
Upstairs Billy freaked when Mary burst in unannounced. Instinctively, Billy squeezed his butt cheeks, stood like a statue, and said, "I have no idea what's going on!"
"Listen, Billy, I know all about Mike. If we're going to cover for him this summer, I'm going to need your help."
"Yes ma'm!" Billy replied smiling.
* * *
Riding along in the back of the Jeep, Mike pressed his back against the tailgate as supplies kept jostling him every time the tires hit a bump in the road. Despite the discomfort of the ride, he felt a sense of awe and excitement as he lay in wait. His imagination displayed faraway places and what pirates might look like. Surprisingly he wasn't scared, only concerned how he was going to approach and convince the Captain to let him stay. Until then, all he could do was try and get as comfortable as possible, and hope the bumpy ride wasn't going to be too long.
Captain enjoyed the warm sun on his face and the wind blowing past as he drove along through traffic toward the Keys. He glanced up at the clear blue skies and white clouds, reached over on the passenger seat, and pressed play on the portable CD player. It sang "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitude" by Jimmy Buffett.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Chasing Latitudesby Joshua MacLeod Copyright © 2012 by Joshua MacLeod. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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