CHAPTER 1
Living a Meaningful Life
Are you totally confused about life in general? Are you struggling with your thoughts? Are you angry? Is there a lot of drama in your life? Are you under a lot of peer pressure? Are you or your parents divorced? Do you feel overweight? Do you feel insecure about yourself? Are you going through a breakup? Do you feel like your world is falling apart?
Or just maybe ... you have it all together and life is going great but you could use a little more reassurance and guidance on subjects you are uncertain about. American businessman Mr. John D. Rockefeller once said, "Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great."
I completely understand what you may be going through right now and what your perspective on life may be. My goal is to shed some light on subjects that might have never crossed your mind. You have to understand that there is more to life than meets the eye. You are loved and surrounded by many supporters. I am one of them. Very few of us make it through life without some kind of assistance. You are a wonderful, competent person with great potential, but sometimes our own thoughts deceive us. I am telling you that you are very capable of living a more fulfilling life.
I bet you are totally exhausted from trying to be someone you were never meant to be. Guess what ... you are not alone. I have been there and done that. At one time, I was obsessed with my appearance and what other people thought about me. I wanted to be absolutely perfect and beautiful so that everyone would like me. I was constantly seeking approval from others instead of believing in myself. I truly felt like I was not good enough. Why? I cannot tell you why or when I became that way, but I can assure you that I was not happy. I was so tired of trying to be someone other than who I was created to be. I was living life as an imposter and that is definitely not the way to exist. I was living life according to someone else's expectations and wanting to be someone other than myself. I never thought about me and what made me happy. No wonder I was miserable a lot of the time. I was resisting my own true self and was going against the flow of life. I did not realize that I was already beautiful inside and out and made exactly the way I was supposed to be. The good news is I have come to love and appreciate who I am. Why in the world would I want to be someone else? I am letting go of self-doubt, all limitations, and all the old stuff. I am returning to the original state I was born into. I am revealing this imposter and making it official. Would the real Deborah Marie Parise please stand up? Here I am. It is the real me. I am so happy to meet me and finally be me. I strongly encourage you to do the same and be the real you. You will feel much relief when the mask finally comes off, and you can be your natural, beautiful self.
First and foremost, I want everyone in this world to be happy. Can you imagine that? It affects me every time I see someone who is sad and struggling with life. I have to remind you that life is really good and is not what you may think it is. This is what I know for sure through my actual life experiences. Life is our greatest teacher. From these experiences, I have a more meaningful life and a greater understanding about us in the most undeniable way. Here is an amazing quote written by a musician named Mr. Arthur Rubinstein: "I have found that if you love life, life will love you back."
So here is the deal: to improve your life, you have to be willing to accept and apply the wisdom and knowledge offered to you right here in Break Free From Your Reins. I have tested the waters, and I highly encourage you to see for yourself. I know it will impact your life in a positive way. You already have what it takes to achieve inner peace and contentment, but you have to find out for yourself. When you are comfortable with differences and keep an open mind and become enthusiastic about change, you will live a purpose-driven life. You also have to be willing to give it your all. It is your choice. I love, honor, and respect you, whatever you choose to do.
Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. You are going to be surprised when you discover how simple and wonderful life can be. You are on the right track to living a better life. I appreciate your willingness to be open to new ideas and beliefs. I am extremely excited that you are ready to accept this challenge. When your intentions are aligned with the source of all creation, I know for sure that you can create the life you desire. You are well-equipped to take charge of your life. You and only you are responsible for it. Life is precious. Take care of it, nurture it, improve it, and love it!
Parents/Legal Guardians
Are you constantly being hassled by your parents, grandparents, legal guardians, or whoever is raising you? I am going to refer to them as parents, but you may identify her/him/them to your situation or liking. Getting back to my question. Are your parents nagging you all the time about homework, cleaning your room, your appearance, who you are hanging out with, and so on? Do they try to control every single thing you attempt to do, even if you are an adult and old enough to make your own decisions?
Well ... I am here to reassure you that your parents love you and are concerned about your well-being. They may not always tell you or show you, but they do. Some parents have difficulty expressing their love and affection toward their children for various reasons. It could be that their parents never showed them love. Why? Because many parents are still trying to figure out what life is all about. If this is the case, how can we expect them to know all the right answers when they do not know themselves? We depend on our parents to guide and protect us and teach us everything they know. We should still love and respect them anyway.
Understand that we are products of our upbringings. In most life situations, parents pass on to their children what they learned from their parents, and so on. It is difficult to break free from the mind-conditioned patterns, traditions, and old habits they acquired from their parents.
However, there are exceptions where they may have gone in another direction and developed from being in different conditions or circumstances.
Society and egos can easily influence a person's behavior. Some people think that self-worth or value comes from what we do to succeed in life as opposed to who we are. Many parents get caught up in their careers and trying to keep up with the lifestyles of others. Coping with the demands and pressures of everyday life can be stressful. Parents can quickly become unaware of their behavior in the home. Their words, emotions, and expectations can get out of control. They do not realize their children are observing them closely as they perform daily routine responsibilities as an adult and parent. This is why we have emotionally dysfunctional families. I have to tell you that you may have picked up some of your parents' habits, which they, too, unconsciously acquired from their parents. Some may be good, some may be bad. A habit is an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.
Bad habits can be smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, smoking marijuana, abusing drugs, etc. Bad habits can also include inappropriate behavior such as arguing, shouting, swearing, lying, etc. Worrying, complaining, and doubting are bad habits you may have learned from them. There are plenty out there, but it is okay because you can actively choose to change and break those habits.
On the other hand, you may be experiencing a happy and peaceful lifestyle already. Your parents probably came from a loving and harmonious family and, therefore, have provided the same type of environment for you. They certainly should be praised for being good role models. Your parents were probably very aware of their behavior and made wise choices. They taught from their hearts and from what they know to be true and understood the importance of life. You have witnessed their good behavioral habits and are already on the right track with your life. You can now be the "conscious" parent and set a good example for your children. You will provide a good foundation and beginning for your children.
Now in some cases, the roles are reversed in a home, and an older child is actually caring for the parent(s) and maybe siblings too. If the parent(s) are alcoholics, drug addicts, disabled, etc., someone is automatically thrown into this role by being responsible for those living there and the daily household operations. When you are in charge at home, you must be the role model for the others. Although it may be a tough road to follow, remain strong and remember that God never gives you more than you can handle. Keep the positive energy flowing by consistently doing what is right. You will be the one they admire and look up to. You will make a difference in their lives and this world. I highly commend those of you who are currently in this situation.
At one time, your parents were attracted to each other, and you were conceived. If your parents are divorced or separated, it does not mean your life is over. You cannot use that as an excuse, because you have choices too. You can choose to accept the situation as it is and make the most of it (this is what I recommend you do), or you can choose to be angry about it and be unhappy. Your life can be as happy as you choose to make it, so the next time you are with one or both parents, be considerate and enjoy the time you spend with them. Do not play the blame game. It is a waste of energy and will not resolve anything. They may be still struggling with life and are doing their best from what they know. We must accept them for whom they are and love them right back!
If things are not working for you these days, and you know you are on the wrong path, what can you do? You have the choice to change, no matter what the circumstances may be. It is all up to you. You can grow beyond whatever you are currently experiencing. Now is the perfect time to break free from your reins and take full responsibility for your life, on your own terms and conditions. You were designed to develop your own personal ideas and beliefs. You have to be willing to let go of certain beliefs and customs you have learned during your childhood that represent your parents' views. It is time for you to live your life according to what you believe and trust your intuition. It will take practice to break the old habits and patterns. Be mindful of the choices you make, because they will impact your life one way or another. You will learn and evolve from both right and wrong choices. It is not what we know that makes us who we are; it is the decisions we make. Believe what your heart tells you, and write your own story.
Children
Some of you may be fathers, mothers, step-parents, or legal guardians to a child. Be grateful, because a child is a blessing from God. A child is a precious being of this world and requires a lot of love and nurturing from the very beginning. There is much responsibility that comes with raising a child. A child is totally dependent upon his or her parents for everything during the early stages of life. Be a loving and devoted parent. The most valuable gift you can give your child (or anyone, for that matter) is your time. Soon your child will be grown, and one of the hardest things for a parent to do is to let go of the child. We as parents have to let go of the role of "I know what is best for you." By giving your child roots and wings, you will be proud to let your child become his or her own person. Here are some words of wisdom from the book The Prophet by Mr. Kahlil Gibran: "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
It is beneficial for children to have both a loving male and female presence in their lives. Each parent possesses many fine qualities to contribute to raising a child. One may affect his or her child in such a way that makes the child be better, while the other parent may not have this to offer. For the parents who are living separately, the child should still be included in both their lives. Having the love, help, and guidance from two parents can provide a more stable beginning for a child to grow into adulthood.
The first five years of a child's life are the most important. Children watch every move their parents make. They learn from observing, listening, and following everything their parents say, do, and believe. As parents, we cannot act foolishly and then expect our children to grow up being perfectly normal. Parents must be on their best behavior at all times, especially during those first five years. Children are like sponges. They absorb everything they see and hear, good and bad. The best technique to use when teaching a child good behavior is for you to be the role model for your child. Lead by example. Be the best you can be to set a good example for your child. Your child will grow up being the best he or she can be. Please do not be the parent who says, "Do as I say and not as I do."
Children can certainly test our patience. When a child throws a tantrum, we should settle them down, hold them, hug them, and tell them you love them. They are growing and learning and get easily frustrated especially when they cannot do something. They should not be punished for that. When you raise your hand to a child, you are teaching them that violence and hostility is acceptable. Discipline them in a different way or divert their attention to something else. When we use a calming method to help them deal with their frustrations, they quickly resume normal behavior. Most importantly, when we do not react to their poor behavior, they know you are the one in control.
From another standpoint, children can actually be our spiritual teachers. Some essential life lessons we can learn from them are: (1) how to be happy, because if you will notice, a child is usually happy for no reason; (2) how to always succeed in getting what one wants; (3) how to stay busy like a bee; and (4) how to love, trust, and have faith, because they put their total faith and trust in us as parents and love us no matter what. The next time you are in the presence of a child, observe him or her closely for a little while and you will see what I mean. Children love unconditionally and live life to the fullest. They are simply amazing!
Yes, I am a parent, and I have been guilty of making poor choices. I could have used some help along my journey, especially with controlling my thoughts and emotions during my younger years. I must admit I could have practiced better parenting skills and more patience when raising my daughters. I am very grateful (thank you Marty) that I was able to stay home from work for eight years and care for my children. I loved being a stay-at-home mom.
However, this is today, and I am truly blessed and grateful that I now know what it takes to be a good role model. I am practicing on my wonderful little grandson, who I adore. When we are together, I am fully in the present moment. I am more patient with him than I ever was with my daughters. I realize that he is exploring life and curious about everything. He asks me so many questions, and I answer them to the best of my ability, even if he asks over and over again, "Why, Grammie?" I told him he is my little guru, but he said, "No. I am Liam." I love that little boy with all my being.
I have learned so much about life and will continue to seek ways to become better. I am purposely passing this wisdom and knowledge on to my daughters, grandson, nieces, and anyone who is destined to read it. I am confident Break Free From Your Reins will change people's lives for the better.
Note: It is everyone's responsibility to report suspected child abuse or neglect to the proper authorities in order to protect the safety of a child (younger than eighteen years). Please refer to the National Organizations section of Child Welfare Information Gateway that offers information about child welfare at: http://www. childwelfare.gov/organizations/index.cfm. It only takes a moment to make a difference in a child's life.
