The Best Sex of my Life
Confessions of A Sexual Purity RevolutionBy Lindsay Marsh WarrenTrafford Publishing
Copyright © 2012 Lindsay Marsh Warren
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4669-6025-1Contents
Dedication......................................................................viiAcknowledgements................................................................ixIntroduction....................................................................xi1. My Confession................................................................12. Preface To The Confessions of A Sexual Purity Revolution.....................313. Gareth's Confession..........................................................344. Confessions of a Sexual Purity Revolution, Part I............................405. Confessions of a Sexual Purity Revolution, Part II...........................826. The Best Sex of My Life......................................................917. Restoration..................................................................99Confession For a Relationship...................................................103Sexual Purity Confession Covenant...............................................105About The Author................................................................109Worth The Wait Revolution Contact Information...................................111
Chapter One
My Confession
Virgin? At first they really didn't believe me. Could I really be a 30+ year old virgin? Many people were curious. How could you be attractive and still be a virgin? How could you be successful and still be a virgin? How could you be 'normal' and still be a virgin? The "Worth The Wait" lady, was my nickname for a while. Travelling throughout the country with a message of sexual purity, a book entitled, The Best Sex of My Life: a guide to purity, and a desire to see this generation make better sexual choices; people's lives began to change and become impacted by the REVOLUTION. Worth The Wait Revolution began hosting annual Runway Events in 2006 and Annual Galas in 2008, with the theme of "sexual purity with contemporary style and urban class". The face of abstinence, celibacy and purity was in the process of being completely revamped. I began to openly and transparently share my journey toward sexual purity; the good, the bad and the not-so-good. Although I was a virgin, I had participated in various acts that were unacceptable or displeasing to the Lord, such as masturbation, humping, "bumpin & grindin", and the like. I had been exposed to pornography as a child. I had my experience of 'touching' and playing 'house' as a child. I made my life an open book. Yes, I was a virgin, and yes, I had made poor choices. However, through and by a real desire to please God, application of practical principals from the Word of God, and good spiritual leadership, I obtained victory. The Bible clearly states that "... we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony" (Revelation 12:11). I was inspired in 2006 to write my first book, so that through my testimony, others could be inspired to walk in sexual purity, regardless of their past encounters.
Now, I'm inspired to write this book because there are many stories of victory and great triumph to be told. The Worth The Wait Revolution has impacted the lives of thousands and very soon, millions, through our books, DVDs, audio books, Runway Events, Galas, Sexual Purity Real Conversations and more. I'm very humbled and thankful to God for being chosen to represent this REVOLUTION for such a time as this.
Unfortunately, in 2011 statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) revealed that 70% of African-American children are born to unwed parents and moreover, the CDC reports that in 2012, one-half of the 19 million new STD cases will occur among those from ages 15-24. African-Americans are the highest at risk. In spite of those statistics, God is raising us up as a new standard. Isaiah 59:19 states, "When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him." You and I are the standard! We have been called to be the standard in this generation. During a time when sexploitation, adultery, child pornography, homosexuality, same-sex marriage and perversion are flooding our culture, God has declared you and me to be the standard. He desires to 'lift up' those who choose to be a part of this sexual purity REVOLUTION. I believe you are reading this book, at this very moment because you sense the inward calling and assignment to be the 'salt and the light'. Jesus announced our identity, saying:
"You are the salt of the earth: but if the salt has lost its flavor, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick. And, it gives light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven". Matthew 5:13-16 (NKJV)
The Message Bible truly brings this scripture to life. It reads:
"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven". Matthew 5: 13-16 (MSG)
Wow! Enough said!
MY DISTRACTIONS
Before I met my husband I was, at various times, preoccupied with other guys who I thought, were my husband. You know how we do, ladies! We RUN with it! If we think someone is our husband (ladies) or our wife (fellas), we RUN with it!! We jump in! Head first!! Have you ever heard of the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"? Well, one particular guy was just not that into me. What a newsflash. Can you believe it? Me? Yes, me! As singles, I know we walk by faith but sometimes we get beyond the faith process and enter into foolishness and presumption. I regret wasting so much time, consumed by the 'idea' of relationships that proved to be fruitless. I was never physically involved with these guys, but I wish I could get back the time I spent on the phone calls, emails, text messages, planning and day-dreaming. Sometimes, we need to learn how to stop stalking people. (I've been there. Don't get mad at me. I love you and because I love you, I must tell you the truth. Real relationships do not require stalking on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.)
Honestly, I'm so thankful that the Lord did not allow me to go down those paths, because sometimes the person that we envision to be 'the one' is quite frankly, 'the wrong one' on so many levels. They are totally wrong for our mission, wrong for our mandate and wrong for our spiritual maturity in Christ. Furthermore, if someone does not recognize your worth and value, they are not worthy of your time and affection. Sometimes, we are so blinded by our relationship ambitions that we fail to recognize when someone may not be a great match. We make excuses for their shortcomings, inconsistencies and lack of spiritual discipline. We rationalize their behaviors and ignore their 'issues'. This is an unhealthy, unacceptable way to navigate the relationship waters as a Christian that truly desires to please the Lord. The longer we waste time with the imposters and decoys, the longer we delay our true love.
OUR STORY
Well, of course I had 'the list' ... every girl dreams of her husband. "He should be 6'3, handsome, charming, ambitious, caramel, athletic, brilliant, and wealthy, with a beautiful smile". Then, when I turned 18, my Pastors taught me that this list also needed to include spiritual things. That's when I revised 'my list' to include a born-again, spirit-filled, mature, purpose-driven man with a pure heart. I'd compromised on 'my list' in times past, only to discover impostors and distractions. God always had His best waiting for me, in Gareth.
I saw him on Super Bowl Sunday in February 2009 and I married him as a 34-year-old virgin on October 30, 2010. His name is Gareth P. Warren and he is my HUSBAND!! The Lord blessed me with an amazing, handsome, intelligent, ambitious, anointed man of God. A sexy man! I believed Psalms 37:4 during the season of my singleness. "Delight yourself also in the LORD: and He shall give you the desires of your heart." As destiny would have it, my husband read my first book, The Best Sex of My Life: a Guide to Purity, prior to us even becoming aware of one another's existence. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. He was given the book as a gift during the summer of 2008, from a mutual friend, Ms. Joy Stevenson, who is a wonderful woman we both adore. Of course, during this time of my life, I was conducting the ministry business of Worth The Wait Revolution, overseeing the college outreach "WordUp!" for my Pastor, and practicing anesthesiology by day. Life was busy, but I knew that my husband would cross my path in due season. So, Gareth walked into Spirit of Faith Christian Center on a Sunday evening, and sat in front of my mom. He was so handsome, and quite frankly, I loved his swag. Immediately, he caught my eye. Tall, broad shoulders, nice lips ... I thought he was very attractive. "Who is he?" my mom asked out of curiosity. Just as curious, I replied, "I have no idea, but he is NICE."
I later learned that he was there to be a part of the baby dedication ceremony with the Joiner family. My family was there to be a part of the baby dedication ceremony for my niece. We didn't meet one another that evening at church, but we certainly took notice of one another. Ms. Joy Stevenson proceeded to play cupid and hook us up. She actually called me the next day and told me that Gareth was a great guy, originally from Texas. She spoke very highly of him, stating his accolades, and how she thought we might make a perfect fit for one another. She told me that he worked in corporate finance for a prestigious Fortune 500 company, he had recently purchased a home in Baltimore, and that he was single. Furthermore, she went on to tell me that she had given him my book as a gift, the book changed his life, and he was now walking in sexual purity. Wow! So, that meant he already knew how I felt on many levels regarding love, intimacy and relationships. How awesome! Gareth signed the 'sexual purity confession covenant' located in the back of The Best Sex of My Life: a Guide to Purity, before we even knew one another. It's amazing to think about, but the Lord used my very own book to minister sexual purity to my future husband. Wow! This is why it is so critical to obey God, in all things. If He tells you to write a book, write it. If He tells you to go back to school, do it. If He tells you to volunteer your services for a certain cause, obey him. He has our best interest in mind, and desires to properly position us for our destiny. You will meet your future spouse on the pathway of purpose, which is directly connected to the pathway of obedience.
Eventually, Ms. Joy convinced me that I needed to check him out. She also convinced him that he needed to reach out to me. Within a few days Gareth emailed me through the Worth The Wait Revolution website, joined the Worth The Wait Revolution and sent me the most sincere message on 2/7/2009. It read:
"God is forgiving and His grace has always kept me. I have to say that you truly inspired me. Honestly, I have come from a mighty long way to reach my current place. I have to pray hard constantly to steer clear of the temptation that is all around me. I have fallen short but NEVER AGAIN!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY! Thanks for the inspiration Dr. Lindsay! -A true fan ... Gareth P. Warren".
My email response to him was as follows:
"Thanks for the kind words, Gareth. Ms Joy speaks highly of you I sent you a Facebook friend request ... I am new to Facebook. Just joined on Tuesday ... so, I am super pressed for new friends. LOL. Anyway ... God bless you. It's always awesome to see God do His thing in a young man of God. I may give you a shout a little later. (You should come to my Gala). Ok ... ttyl."
Our story began with this exchange of emails and a book called, The Best Sex of My Life: a Guide to Purity. Wow! We became friends, and when meeting face-to-face, for the first time, I admired his sincerity, authenticity and transparency. We developed a mental, spiritual, and emotional intimacy that quickly allowed me to see him as my husband. 'The list' had come to pass. I knew Gareth would be worth the wait....
Ten months and ninety-one date nights later, we were engaged and within another ten months we were married. During the twenty months of courtship and engagement, we set ourselves to please God. There were moments of challenge, moments of temptation, moments when we felt like giving in, but we held fast to our desire to please God and not get tired of doing what was right, because we were destined to reap (Galatians 6:9). Seriously, I liked him and he liked me, so we had to establish boundaries to protect one another until we got to the altar to say "I DO". At this point, I'd like to take a moment to discuss the importance of accountability, transparency and maturity throughout our journey.
ACCOUNTABILITY
I love and thank God for accountability. Proverbs 11:4 states, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." My sister Whitney called to check on me one night, when Gareth and I were on a date. It was one of our first dates. We were watching the movie, "Fireproof" at his house and it was well beyond our so-called curfew. Whit, realizing the lateness of the hour, kindly suggested that I go home. Reluctantly, I went home, but admittedly, I needed to. I was horny and he was too. Gareth and I already liked each other and had started to develop feelings for one another. Boy likes girl and girl likes boy, it was natural. But, just because I lead the Worth The Wait Revolution and have a book about sexual purity does not make me exempt from temptation. Actually, in some ways it made us more of a target for the enemy, because if we messed up and fell, those who were watching our lives would no longer have an example to follow. I thank God for Whit's counsel and accountability, because it helped keep me on track. I remember Minister Danielle (a big sister, friend and mentor) would ask me openly, "... are you two having sex or are you two kissing?" I appreciated her reaching out to me and helping me to remain accountable to her as well. Proverbs 24:6 says, "For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and in the multitude of counselors there is safety."
The dating/courtship/engagement phase can feel like a war between your flesh, your feelings and your spirit. The strong desire to kiss, touch, hug and express intimacy is very real. I wanted to have sex ... FOR REAL! It didn't matter that I was a virgin or a minister. I can honestly tell you that the desire to satisfy your flesh, even though you desire to honor God, is very real. At times, we hugged too tight and for too long, but we surrounded ourselves with wise people that would help us maintain a walk of purity. Sexual temptations of the past were revisited, but we overcame. We were determined to have our first kiss on our wedding day, October 30, 2010. Furthermore, we greatly anticipated our wedding night, the night I gave the gift of my virginity to my husband. Woohoo! (I will talk more on that topic a little later in the book). To accomplish the goal of sexual purity, you must remain teachable, regardless of your age or stage in life. Remember this: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment." (Proverbs 18:1) Don't isolate yourself from your parents, Pastors, accountability partners and those who can protect you from your own emotions, desires and hormones.
Marriage Made EZ, the marriage outreach ministry of our Pastors, Drs. Mike and DeeDee Freeman, also played an instrumental role in our development and transition toward marriage. On a monthly basis, these sessions provided insight and instruction regarding the common issues challenging most marriages; money, sex, and communication. Proverbs 19:20 says, "Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days." Gareth and I wanted to prepare for the years ahead and surround ourselves with other couples endeavoring to do the same. We submitted to our Pastors, but we also submitted to our premarital counselors, Pastor Rick and Minister Karen Wooten. They poured thirty-seven years of experience into our premarital preparation. They corrected, challenged and encouraged us. We shared our apprehensions, reservations, challenges and weaknesses with them, and in exchange the Lord honored us. It wasn't always easy to let people in on our frustrations, failures and temptations, but Proverbs 9:8b-9 states, "... rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning." In my opinion, it is very dangerous to begin dating, courting and preparing for marriage without proper godly accountability, wise counsel and a heart to please God. Everyone, I repeat, EVERYONE needs the training required to be able to submit, listen and receive correction from another respected person. According to Proverbs, this process facilitates growth and learning.
TRANSPARENCY
Transparency is vital but not necessarily easy. It can be difficult to reveal and tell all. Even though my future husband read my own book that discussed many of my bad choices, there were still things for us to discuss. It was challenging talking about overcoming masturbation and childhood curiosities of "spin the bottle", "truth or dare" and "playing house", but it was essential. Being a virgin didn't make me perfect. I was coming to our relationship with a past that was covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, just like he was. Gareth had to talk to me about his past; the women, the sex, the manipulation, and the aftermath. Yet, our honesty built trust and our transparency built respect and compassion. When you are in careful consideration of a covenant companion, it is critical to be transparent about your weaknesses and your strengths. You can build a foundation, not based upon perfection or your own ability to maintain your purity, but upon the grace of God and the power of the blood of Jesus. "Except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it ..." (Psalms 127:1 NKJV) We were determined to let the Lord build our relationship.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Best Sex of my Lifeby Lindsay Marsh Warren Copyright © 2012 by Lindsay Marsh Warren. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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