(What the Bard of Avon might have written even today had he the opportunity to meet the King of Kovid and the Cyclic Cycler of Redundancy and Recursive Mental Fluidity).

And so it is that this Man for All Reasons now graces the world with his wisdom and his downright homeyness. What a delight to read and learn of the man's own thoughts before they vanish like ice in hot water. For like ice itself, his thoughts are hard and inflexible, which must demonstrate a kind of mental gymnastics as they nonetheless transition from liquidity to cold concrete and then quickly evaporate into the heavens like a carbonated food print.

The Guiding Principles of Joe's Life

The Eight Big Attitudes

(1) Blessed are the chic who mumble for they shall become president. (2) Blessed are our boarders for they shall pay rent. (3) Blessed are the homeless for they shall seem odd and live in California. (4) Blessed are the corrupt for they shall run the Department of Justice. (5) Blessed are the naked for they are for touching and sniffing. (6) Blessed is foreign policy for it is for them and not us. (7) Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for tail for they shall be with Hunter.

The wit and wisdom of The Big Guy, Joe of the Magic Syntax, who once said, "There is no reason to be afraid, for tax for sins like drugs and stuff makes think me things many and more." Read more about Joe's syntax from the perspective of a grammarian inside.

Or, as the great American poet ee cummings might have written had he been around today, "Joey lives in a pretty White House, within go leaving aides and out. Sultry passes, swampy gasses, and goes the luster with the muster. Called attention to are we, all the Greenies, meanies not. I order got no my to thoughts, just my Twitter writ by bots."

"Funny, frivolous, absurdly insightful, and as fine a portrait of the American psyche in the world today. Read it and laugh, and then go weep."

Margaret D. Linney, author of Why Nations Fall.

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