CHAPTER 1

The Personal Journey of Leadership

Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Once you live a deeply authentic life, leadership willfind you rather than you having to wait for it. Otherswill clearly identify the leader in you, and the trailyou blaze will become a beacon to others.

When I thought I was ready to lead a nonprofit agency as achief executive, I interviewed in three different cities and withthree different boards of directors. In the first two interviews,I was so busy presenting my experience and knowledge that Idid not give myself the chance to introduce my authentic, morehuman self for them to get to know. In the third interview,I presented myself very differently. I listened. When asked, Ispoke not so much of my experiences in business and leadershipbut of my experiences in life—the long journey of supporting awife who battled cancer, my dream to own my own company,and the resulting stress of actually building it. I shared thelife changes that had brought me to the doors of failure andthe mistakes that made me drop to my knees in humility andsurrender. I told of the lessons I had learned as a father of twodaughters and of the beauty of the deeply spiritual life I hadcome to know as I grew older.

I also listened to the board members. I heard that they werelooking for someone who was ethical, down-to-earth, anda defender of people with disabilities. They wanted a leaderwho had been through difficult life experiences and couldlead their agency through difficult experiences of its own. Iwas interviewed three times by two panels of board membersand also by management employees of the company. In short,I was offered the presidency of this agency not because I wasthe strongest fiscal manager or the most educated or eventhe most experienced, but because I was the most "human"candidate they had interviewed. Many shared that piece ofinformation with me much later. They offered me the keysto the front door of their agency because I had learned someemotionally human principles and could be the ethical leaderthey sought. Above all, these volunteer community leaderswanted an ethical, caring leader.

Speaking honestly during those interviews allowed me todemonstrate vulnerability and compassion for myself. They sawhumanness and authenticity because I chose to share it. Theyalso saw a man who had come to like himself (pretty much)through trial and error. Having a troubled agency, they neededan ethical builder.

Leadership is less about leading others and more aboutthe journey of how we lead ourselves. The task offered to usclosely mirrors where we are on our own personal journeys.Life somehow gives us the lessons we need most when it is ourbest time to learn them. The job isn't so much "out there" as itis "in here." The journey involves finding our truth, our voice,and our passion and then aligning ourselves to them every day.If we can live from this freshness, others will pick up the trailquite effortlessly.

Over the years, my personal statement of leadership hasevolved. The main goal I practice now is to live an ethical lifeand be an honest leader by practicing spiritual principles withoutnecessarily promoting any religion or brand of spirituality. Iattempt to treat others with respect and kindness because ofwho I see them to be and how I'd like them to see me. Myleadership journey helped me realize that I never needed to"go" anywhere on my journey. Leadership found me when Ifound the leader within myself. I hadn't needed to trek from jobto job, progress through layers of middle management, watchscores of years pass me by, learn countless leadership concepts,or even wait for the executive position I desired.

I became my own leader when I started to clean up thenegative beliefs about myself that others triggered. I learned tomove from a simple overreaction rooted in anger, shame, guilt,or hurt to a healthier pattern. I looked for what triggered me,recognized it, and approached the same situation with clarityand a more positive self. I began by becoming the leader of myown life. It must be an odd statement to read—becoming theleader of your own life—but I believe it really begins there forall of us. As I look back on my journey, I realize that I wentthrough a spiritual evolution as much as a physical or mentalone. I felt a fundamental transformation from the man I was tothe man I have become. Leadership became the journey, notthe destination, and it remains so to this day.

The inner journey I ask you to take is an important stepto becoming an authentic leader for two reasons. First, weneed to earn and keep the trust extended to us. According todictionary.com, authenticity is defined as being "entitled tobelief because of agreement with known facts ... to be reliableand trustworthy." In other words, we are entitled to others'trust that we can lead successfully when we begin to live ourpersonal lives with integrity—no acting, no hiding, no running,no denial, no blaming others. Authenticity begins with self-acceptanceand matures when we accept our vulnerabilities andthe vulnerabilities of those around us.

Secondly, if we are in alignment with our own inner truth,we can acquire a powerful voice to help transform others andour businesses. Our energy becomes focused, clear, and apowerful magnet for good. When we cannot find happinesswithin, our moral compass goes awry, and we begin to hearthe alluring voice of unethical choices.

The following exercise is a way for you to assess yourself.Careful examination of your personal life is similar to analyzingthe different inner components or departments of your company.This exercise is similar to the Wheel of Life that many personaland business coaches use with their clients. Find a quiet timeto do this exercise and assess the different aspects, or rooms,in your life.

A Visit to Your "Inner House"

This leadership journey begins with an assessment of six majorlife areas. An evaluation of our inner attitudes, values, andhabits will help us understand the success or disappointment wefeel in these areas of our lives. Ultimately our evaluation willlead us to where we would ideally like our lives to be.

Begin with imagining your ideal home. In your mind,picture where it is. Maybe it is on a beach or a mountaintop.It may be in a foreign country, at the end of a long tree-linedroad, or on a tropical white sand beach. Look at its design andcolor. Is it made of brick, stone, or wood? How many windowsface the front, and what size and shape are they? Now imaginewalking up to the front door and opening it. As it opens, you aregreeted by the owner of this home—you! Your host gives you awarm embrace as though you have just completed a long journey.He or she is delighted to see you. You stand at the doorway justas you are now, looking at yourself as the successful, belovedleader you will become. Each room of this ideal home is filledwith the accomplishments of your efforts, a culmination of a lifeof commitment and service. The leader you see as yourself hasan accepting, loving, and confident presence.

Within this home, you find a holographic image that shiftsbetween two interchangeable houses. From one angle, you cansee that one of the houses is somewhat less complete than theother. That is the home you currently occupy. From anotherangle, the home is wonderfully complete. It is finished in everydetail, with rooms filled to potential and overflowing withabundance. It holds everything that would make you feel thatyour life has been lived with great fulfillment.

The Inner Rooms

These are the rooms of your life. There are no walls that separatethem, for they flow naturally together. For our purposes, wewill discuss them as separate rooms, although you will see howone affects the other and how easily these rooms can overlap.For our exercise, there are six rooms in all:

1. Money and finances

2. Leisure, creativity, and fun

3. Spirituality and philosophy

4. Career and education

5. Family and relationships

6. Physical and emotional health

Together, we will enter each room and take notice of itscurrent contents and the condition in which it appears to youtoday. You will also have the opportunity to describe how youwould like the room to look in your finished house. As youcompare the current look of the room to the potential of whatit could be, I will ask you to make note of the differences. Youwill then simply grade the room from one to five, with fivebeing the highest level of personal satisfaction.

Within these rooms are habits, practices, and values youuse every day. If you find a room lacking in use or potential,ask yourself why that is. Conversely, you may find a roomalready overflowing with activity and abundance. Take note ofwhy. Later we will examine principles that might change thecapacity, energy, and potential of each room.

Your tour guide is your wise, successful, accepting self—thatauthentic leader you have become. This tour is purely personal.Relax and take your time. Remember, no self-judgment isallowed. We begin with the room of money and finances,but we don't begin here because it is the most important. Therooms used in this model have no hierarchy other than thelevel of importance and satisfaction you place upon them atany given time.

Money and Finances

As you stand at the closed door of this room, how do youfeel about opening it to honestly reveal its condition? Make anote of this feeling and then proceed to open the door. Now,within this room make some mental notes on all you see ordon't see.

• Are you making enough?

• Do you live paycheck to paycheck?

• Do you feel you have too much debt?

• Do you live on a cash-on-hand basis or have a habit ofcharging on credit cards?

• Do you have a savings plan?

• What value and importance do you place on money andfinances?

• Do you experience any secret shame when it comes tomoney?

• Do you have difficulty living within your budget whileothers seem to have all the "extras"?

• Do you even feel that you are entitled to be wealthy?

We live in a society that is extremely focused on money.It is a widely, though not necessarily wisely, used standard todetermine success and a life of completion. Our economic andsocial culture in business today can promote greed and self-indulgencein leadership, although it is certainly not alwaysso. I recently heard that 90 percent of the world's wealth isconcentrated in the hands of 1 percent of the population,and the gulf between rich and poor grows wider each year.Most of the wealth lies in the hands of leaders. Much of theoutrage of the Wall Street and other financial protests inrecent years has been at the greed and imbalance of the wealthat the top.

Take a few moments and record both the condition ofyour financial house and some of the attitudes and values youcurrently hold. Remember not to offer judgment of yourself.You are far from alone.

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Your Ideal Money and Finances Room

Take a moment now and shift your vision to the holographicview of what this area of your life ideally looks like in yourcompleted home.

• What does it look like to have your financial house inorder?

• In this ideal fiscal room of your house, what are yourhighest financial priorities?

• How does it feel to have a date in mind for your debtto be paid off or to actually have it all paid off?

• What kind of a savings plan have you either started orincreased?

• Is there any kind of training or advancement plan youhave begun that will lead to even greater financialsecurity?

• What kind of inner peace do you now have from greatersecurity?

• If you could turn on a faucet of abundance in your life,how much money would take you to the place called"success?" Would you spend freely, invest it, or give itaway as it flowed to you?

Take a moment and briefly describe your results.

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On a scale of one to five, with five being quite satisfied, ratethe condition of this room in your life right now: ____________.

Take a moment and record a few priorities to address inthis room.

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Leisure, Creativity, and Enjoyment

In this room are your hobbies, creative interests, talents, and desireto invent, produce, and create. Here also is where you enjoy yourselfthe most. In this room you can laugh and play like a kid. This iswhere you create, write, paint, play music, travel, and read yourfavorite novels. This room is where you get in touch with youruniqueness, that which excites and inspires you. This is where youtap into your unique tastes, talents, and preferences. As you stand atthe closed door of this room, how do you feel about opening it tohonestly reveal its condition? Make a note of this and then proceedto open the door. As you step into this room, how would youdescribe how much time you spend on enjoyable activities here?

• Do you have regular classes or time devoted to leisureor creative endeavors?

• Are there paintings here, poems you have written,musical instruments you have practiced?

• Are there songs you have written or perhaps a novel youhave started?

• Has life become too busy for this room, or are yousatisfied with the energy and time you spend here?

• Are you a bit of a workaholic and emphasize gettingeverything done over and above pure enjoyment oflife's pleasures?

• Do you have peer relationships in which you pursuemutual hobbies or sports?

• Do you have time to simply enjoy the beauty of nature,music, art, and exercise apart from work?

• Do you have any yearly memberships that enforcegetting out and being active in enjoying the arts,exercise, or worthwhile causes?

When American viewers saw President Bill Clinton playingthe saxophone and laughing on late-night television, they wereamazed. How could such an important leader spend time beingso frivolous? It begs the question, should leaders have fun inthe workplace? Should they allow employees and constituentsto have fun as well? Millennial companies such as Googleand Yahoo are filled with young workers in their twentiesand early thirties and have demonstrated that fun needs tobe an important part of the business day. How much fun andcreativity are you allowed in your workplace, if any? Howmuch fun and creative expression do you allow in your day?

A European friend of mine recently told me that Europeanworkers, on average, take almost twice the number of vacationdays as American workers, all while American workers arebelieved to be working longer hours in 2012 than in any otherdecade of our history, often foregoing vacations completely.Personal job satisfaction ranks at its lowest level in decades.One in four American adults is taking antidepressants, andmore than half of the population of the country is overweight.Are we happier for the excess work hours? Are we living morefulfilling lives than our parents or grandparents?

Take a moment and make some notes about how youfeel about the fun and creativity you are having in your lifeand the amount of time you are giving to leisure or creativeendeavors.

Your Ideal Leisure, Creativity, and Fun Room

Take a moment now to shift your vision to the fulfilledholographic vision of this room. How does this room lookfilled with fun, leisure activities, and creative endeavors youhave long sought to accomplish? Perhaps you have written anovel and are signing books to long lines of readers. Perhapsyou are becoming known for your music, poetry, acting, orsculpting. Or perhaps you are simply able to make homemadegifts for people or teach a class on your hobby.

In this room of your house, picture your staff enjoyinghearing about your latest hobbies and interests and feelingencouraged to have more fun and balance in their own lives.Imagine the pride you feel in being a well-rounded, versatileleader. Feel the bounce in your step and the anticipation youfeel looking forward to certain activities. Make some notes.