The A.B.C.s of T.B.I. (Traumatic Brain Injury) is a collection of poems chronicling the life, challenges, and random thoughts of author Alex Schreer, a person living with a traumatic brain injury. Presented in alphabetical order, this compilation offers two poems for each letter of the alphabet. The poems are arranged with a disciplined approach to rhythm and rhyme that has helped Schreer peer through the fog of his injury and come up with a clearer understanding of what it takes to deal with a life-altering accident. Schreer was encouraged by these words by Wendell Barry, "I have been wakeful at night, and words have come to me out of their deep caves needing to be remembered." He fervently hopes that his words will illuminate the pathway to recovery for T.B.I. victims and their families through poetry. This very personal collection seeks to provide a better understanding of living life with a traumatic brain injury.
The ABCs of TBI
By Alex M. SchreeriUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Alex M. Schreer
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4620-3436-9Contents
Accident........................................2Always Going to Miss............................3Banging on Heaven's Gate........................4Been a Long Time Comin'.........................5Can't Tell You How Happy........................6Come On People, Time is Now.....................7Day of Judgment.................................8Dreams Were Shattered...........................9Enough of the Lies..............................10Eyes Are Watching...............................11Finding the Way.................................12Forgiveness.....................................13Get It Together.................................14Growling Like a Tiger...........................15Hear My Voice...................................16Here to Achieve.................................17In Times Past...................................18Into the Storm..................................19Jet-Setter......................................20Just Wanted to Write............................21Kelly and Me....................................22Kurt Cobain.....................................23Life is for Living..............................24Lonely Days.....................................25Master Our Existence............................26Me and My TBI...................................27Nathan Gasperich................................28Now on the list.................................29Oh Yes They Are.................................30Only Get One....................................31Prepared to Die.................................32Puzzling........................................33Quite Some Nerve................................34Quite Some Time Ago.............................35Remember This...................................36Remembering Times Past..........................37Sign On a Church Bulletin.......................38Survival........................................39Tears of Pain...................................40The Time Has Come...............................41Unaware.........................................42Unconscious.....................................43Voices From the Grave...........................44Vulnerabilities.................................45Why Suicide.....................................46With Angels Nearby..............................47X-Factors.......................................48Xerox Copy......................................49You Can Fool Some...............................50You Wanna Hear a Sad Story?.....................51Zag.............................................52Zero Hour.......................................53
Chapter One
Accident
We were on the party train
Just Liza, Nathan, and me
Yes, of course, our blood did stain
McCartney sang, "Let it be."
How I miss the two of them
That's what drunken drivers do
Leaving those left quite solemn
Sitting in a church's pew.
I was the lone survivor
Amid wreckage, Matt did lay
While Carlos, the drunk driver
Ran from those he killed that day.
I received a TBI
Many challenges to face
If alive, don't wonder why
One is asked to set the pace.
Saner heads hauled Carlos back
To face his judge and jury
No laughs or smiles did he crack
When judgment said, "you're guilty."
Thirty years without parole
Nathan got eternity
Liza with no more control
O'er a life not meant to be.
Always Going to Miss
Were out in search of some good times
There was Liza, Nathan, and Matt
But now, so alone with my rhymes
Never expected such combat.
Now is the time to imagine
Get ready, I'll paint the picture
In this event, no one did win
Too often, things like this occur.
Our vehicle was broadsided
Causing great injury and death
In bed by ten, like Mommy said,
And live to take another breath.
It's something I will gladly do
Not the same for my two dear friends
Not able to see morning dew
What do you do when a life ends?
Banging on Heaven's Gate
Now people, wanted you to know
Life is only the beginning
After here, so much more to grow
So true, think twice about dying.
Please love to be alive
And know, it's not too late
Love He, who'll always thrive
Banging on heaven's gate.
Bang and pound on that gate
Remember this—He lives
Never was any soul mate
Like Christ, always forgives.
I am one who should not be here
But thanks to God, a second chance
Hoping I can help others here
So we may all have that last dance.
This I pray we all accomplish
`Ere crashing the gate to heaven
Let's make it all a final wish
With our God, together again.
Been a Long Time Comin'
Well, through it all I'm so proud
Oh yes, been a long process
Just myself, to sing aloud
It surely was a big mess.
Gone are—best friend and girl's sis
So barely, I did remain
Ne'er forgive Carlos for this
Imagine their families' pain.
Gasperichs and Luttmans
I cannot know how you feel
The fault is only that man's
Wish I had power to make a deal.
Ended him, before that ride
Then, could still see Natch's smile
Used to be, Liza at my side
Now, memories all the while.
I do wish that could do more
One more time to see those two
When I get there, we three'll soar
Please know, always I love you.
Always here, but now I cry
Truly miss—Nathan, Liza
`Member, but only may sigh
Now, a brand new dilemma.
Can't Tell You How Happy
First, should give an explanation
Before what—should wonder and ask
Living life with just temptation
Ne'er incapable of the task.
A lot easier, not better
Took a terrible accident
Oh yes, was quite the go-getter
All that I had, just came and went.
Things did change, very tragically
On that star-studded autumn morn
Matter of fact, traumatically
In those glorious fields of corn.
Now, I'm very appreciative
Of what you say, the whole nine yards
Loving life—my only motive
With, through, and beyond—play your cards.
Happy it was me and not you
Hard enough time, to cope and deal
Everything spoken, being true
Thrilled with the chance, keeping it real.
Come On People, Time is Now
Yes, the hour is here to advance
Not tomorrow, instead, right now
No matter—the wrong circumstance
Take charge, initiate, allow.
What now is there, we have to lose
How `bout a big fat nothing
Sing the blues, have some fun, so choose
Forever, this will be happening.
But time here, does have a limit
Always remember, the end's near
As in baseball, should take that hit
Keep all of this, perfectly clear.
Day of Judgment
`Twas early in the morning
Both groups were out getting "loaded"
For sure, this was life-changing
Why must all good, get eroded?
Carlos was in a Blazer
The three of us, a LeBaron
Autos cut like a razor
Life's cruel, but too soon is gone.
Ran his red and T-boned us
Was doing twice the speed limit
Cops got him, the only plus
Hope no one takes that kind of hit.
I was the sole survivor
Both Liza and Nathan did die
While that man, the contriver
Surely hoped for another try.
His try'll begin in prison
For that is what the stern judge said
Powerfully, weighing upon
All the time he faces ahead.
Time to think, to wonder why
And realize what he has done
For in the end, all did die
Just as surely, as with a gun.
Dreams Were Shattered
It was a cool, autumn morn
Girl's sister, best friend, and me
There was no time for our horn
Thankful my eyes, do still see.
Were broadsided by a truck
Traveling at nearly sixty
Folks, just imagine the luck
McCartney wrote, "Let it be."
Both Liza and Nathan died
I did survive, but barely
All family members, they cried
Alive—but quite somberly.
The perpetrator, he ran
Two truck drivers did catch him
Thirty in the hole, that man
To get redeemed—mighty slim.
As I've said, dreams were shattered
Their shards lay on the cold streets
Gone—everything that mattered
All advances, all retreats.
Enough of the Lies
How many times do I have to speak?
So sick and tired, of playing this game
Has been long enough, week after week
The sights are set, now, it's time to aim.
Certainly, don't want to sound this crass
Cannot you see, what I'm forced to do?
Your powerful actions, or the sass
Well, finding a new path without you.
Been a difficult situation
Having to tip-toe `round your feelings
Will make the final violation
I'm saying goodbye, as Jesus sings.
Surely hope, that someone you will find
The two of you, might then see a light
Hopefully for you, he'll be so kind
And now, it is time to say good night.
Eyes Are Watching
Always in back of one's mind
Continue on, persevere
Be, love, sense, want, hope, and find
Just keep this crystal clear.
No, never afford failure
Try, make that impossible
Birds sing, while people endure
So live, as long as able.
Why something like suicide?
Can't possibly be worth it
Most prisoners do decide
A bit, does fit, do submit.
Know His high eyes are watching
Perhaps, change your decision
Whether coming or going
Please see the golden vision.
Finding the Way
My God, it's always a struggle
Living, hoping, wanting—then death
Work and kids, a complete juggle
Why do we need, breath after breath?
With each question, find the answer
It's not so difficult to do
Now, whatever, take some power
Well, go ahead—start something new.
The different styles of poetry
And yet, these all serve one purpose
We try to speak so candidly
There's only one, who truly knows.
Yes, what I'm trying to say
Should spend days, cherishing one's life
Do enjoy, be that as it may
Try to live, without all the strife.
No one truly knows—God, or not
But will you really, take that chance?
Please know, it's a witch's black pot
Don't think we want, this circumstance.
Forgiveness
Said, does not occur enough
Egos are the reasons why
Can handle no more? Be tough
Just let out a joyful sigh.
If not alive, well then, what
Certainly, must be present
By that, ne'er in a casket
Gorgeous doll and handsome gent.
Mistakes happen, learn to cope
Please don't think, "not for me"
Not part of word bank, there's hope
Some things even blind can see.
With my disability
Doctors gave me little chance
All now, only one can see
And in His arms, I will dance.
A truly awesome aspect
On this beautiful journey
Inspect, neglect, or reject
Be nice and accompany me.
Get It Together
Folks—this stands for everything
Just, forever and ever
We are all alone, but flying
These moments, always treasure.
Know, it's not so difficult
Get over, beyond, and through
Either achieve or consult
So far past, that damn voodoo.
Let's go to our happy place
Somewhere, should desire to be
Surely hope, you win the race
Like us—wish all could be free.
But, oh yes, I'm a dreamer
Are some things, ne'er to happen
Come on folks, take the power
Wish not to say it again.
Growling Like a Tiger
Funny, how all things fit together
As a child, learned about and in school
Also, how to be a go-getter
There were times, we had to play the fool.
Easy for most, however, not me
Let us talk about something different
So few get the opportunity
Instead, so painfully pay our rent.
The time is now—break out of the mold
My title, "Growling Like a Tiger"
Everyone, search for that pot of gold
The hour's upon us—take some power.
Truly accomplish, what must get done?
Some responsibilities, and more
Do not forget about having fun
Keep all in its place, and close the door.
Hear My Voice
Now, that will be the last demand
You've my apologies for such
Should drift on by, like grains of sand
Things to talk about, I have much.
To begin, people, do not hate
And with that, try our best to love
Enough of the feeling irate
Through it all, hope to stay above.
Your best to make it come out right
Please be ecstatic you are here
We have chances to see that light
Fly the skies, or sail from the pier.
Even the deaf can hear my voice
That is because it penetrates
The blind do hear and rejoice
Deep down in, where nothing grates.
Here to Achieve
Still I'm here, for what it's worth
Very few get such a chance
Technically, a second birth
Receive, believe, and advance.
First birth possibilities
Taken away in a flash
Accident, habit, disease
It all comes down to a crash.
Broken pieces spread about
Waiting for reconstruction
Believing, without a doubt
A new life has just begun.
What's left now is to advance
From here to there and beyond
Much more than taking that chance
To achieve—I'm kinda fond.
In Times Past
Was all about the party
Nothing stopped me, no, never
Everything was destiny
Sure helped being so clever.
And now, let's talk tragedy
Yet again, out partying
Was Liza, Nathan, and me
Such sweet sorrow, is parting.
Now, I do say this, because
Nathan `n Liza, both did die
Look what a drunk driver does
Leaving families to cry.
With tears—just a small portion
Of our suffering and grief
Yes, quite a violation
One thing that remains, belief.
Into the Storm
Not a place most would like to be
However, some, their job requires
There's a few—only way to see
Just get along, through all the fires.
Chances, which desire an outcome
For that's another way to go
Now please choose, but make it random
So we accomplish to know.
The way life is supposed to be
Just ride the storm, until our end
Achieve, hope, belong, you and me
It's all good, my wonderful friend.
More than one way into the storm
Folks, either see the bad or good
Trust we know, but fill out the form
If the fire needs it, add some wood.
A lesson for all parts of life
Stay and believe, run and cower
If it needs one, then use a knife
Every second, minute, and hour.
Jet-Setter
"Well then, here we go again"
Do not ever think like this
Men, women, and/or children
How about, "What did I miss?"
Allows for another try
It also adds one more thing
Opportunities ask, why?
Let us keep accomplishing.
Making your, my—life better
Only our change in life style
Go on, be a jet-setter
Just don't forget all the while.
To live, love, laugh, and cry
Remain quite calm, peaceful
Give, trade, barter, or buy
Pleasurable, comical.
Just Wanted to Write
Life is a long, tempting road
Unexpected happenings
Try not to worry, what's owed
Concentrate on certain things.
Education, for a start
Next, pure and honest living
The perfect mate for our heart
And finally, believing.
Churches say it's Jesus Christ
I speak of, to each their own
Where to go, which is the best
Owners get their dog a bone.
Heart and mind, need to be there
Squier said—"Just do the stroke."
So, try to always be fair
Stay and achieve, all you folk.
Kelly and Me
Can't even remember those days
Doesn't mean, we did not have fun
She used to put me in a craze
Man oh man, I loved her a ton.
Passion was her name, mine was hip
Kelly, to be that beautiful
In her arms, I'd always slip
For her, would break every rule.
With me, thought we'd live forever
Kelly, it's all different now
The ways you brought me such pleasure
Us two, everything, we'd allow.
On a brighter note, we're alive
I'll always remember the days
Kel, after you, I'd always dive
Let's attempt to finish the maze.
Hope your life is pleasurable
Think back, all the roses I gave you
No, not about Cain and Abel
You and me forever, so true.
I'll always love Kelly
Our love shouldn't have ended
Anything, she could be
Like a book we all read.
For all, the future does beckon
Hotter than a "Barker's Beauty"
Higher than mountains in Aspen
I'll love throughout eternity.
Kel, I hope all's magnificent
Or, at least, you are managing
Don't forget all of the times spent
Possible that you'd hear me sing?
Kurt Cobain
Wish he and I could have met
Certainly, great times, no less
Could have saved Kurt, Matt does bet
Problems, all have, just confess.
Would be nice, saving a life
But, am happy living mine
Kiss not goodbye: pill, gun, knife
Even if, prison and fine.
Suicide, is for cowards
There's way too much to live for
Even breakups or divorce
People, please, still so much more.
Life is for Living
So go ahead, and take that chance
Everybody-only get one
Right now is our time to advance
Should keep it honest, real, and fun.
Surely, all will have some setbacks
Just do not let such, define us
Most certainly, paying the tax
Simply good thoughts forever thus.
Alive's a given, a constant
Living is mobile and fluid
Life may be gone in an instant
Take charge, no matter how rapid.
Navigate all ruts in the road
Coping with problems which we face
All the way through to each reload
Up to our final resting place.
Lonely Days
Put down that pencil or pen
The time's arrived to advance
Know, it won't be said again
Come on, people, take a chance.
Just a little bit higher
A good time, throughout our lives
Go ahead, take the power
Use before darkness arrives.
Banish all those lonely days
Send them packing on a bus
Watch them ride into the haze
Following dreams ever thus.
Not to say they won't return
By plane, train, or fancy car
Hold the power, make them learn
Better off to be afar.
If they come and will not go
Pull up a chair, bid them sit
Speak some truth and make it show
Never again take that hit.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The ABCs of TBIby Alex M. Schreer Copyright © 2011 by Alex M. Schreer. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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