Synopsis
Meet the Old Man. Sixty, cranky, memory-leaky, and deeply unimpressed by boiled eggs, oatmeal, and the absurd parade of pastel-scrubbed attendants who insist he “join the fun.” All he wants is to be left alone to rot in peace. Instead, he’s trapped in a place called Sunrise, a cheerful name for a facility that smells like sadness and Lysol and seems specifically designed to murder the will to live via bingo and canned peaches.
But don’t let the memory loss fool you. Our hero still remembers how to hotwire a UPS truck. And how to fall without breaking a hip (a skill he picked up back in his youthful, rage-suppressed gymnastic days). And how to weaponize misanthropy into a full-blown lifestyle. One impulsive act of grand theft delivery vehicle later, the old man hits the road with a dog, a plan (sort of), and a growing suspicion that either he’s going crazy—or the world is.
Meanwhile, Shaun—artist, weed enthusiast, reluctant martyr to the legal system—is just trying to keep his life from catching fire. Literally. He’s been served court documents, ambushed by his ex, and emotionally blackmailed by family members who believe being related to someone gives them unlimited access to your peace of mind. What Shaun really wants is to drink coffee in the woods and never speak to a soul again. Instead, he’s got lawsuits, sabotage, weaponized motherhood, and spiritual PTSD from a wedding officiated by his brother the cowboy-pastor.
Patrimonious is a bitterly hilarious, devastatingly human novel about aging, memory, generational dysfunction, and the slow-motion dumpster fire that is the American Dream. Equal parts anarchist road trip, courtroom farce, tragic family memoir, and scorched-earth love story, this is a book for readers who:
- Have fantasized about escaping from assisted living in a stolen van.
- Have repressed at least one decade’s worth of familial trauma.
- Would rather set a house on fire than let their narcissist ex win.
- Think a good road novel should include criminal mischief, cheap burritos, and righteous indignation.
Filled with anti-capitalist shade, savage reflections on masculinity, and enough dark humor to get canceled in three states, Patrimonious is what happens when you shove Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski, and a grumpy Zen gardener into a room with a deadline and a bottle of bourbon—and only one of them is legally allowed to drive.
Warning: Contains foul language, rogue elderly people, courtroom absurdities, emotional gut-punches, political rants, exploding family dynamics, and one highly judgmental dog.
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Patrimonious
Seller: St Vincent de Paul of Lane County, Eugene, OR, U.S.A.
Seller rating 5 out of 5 stars
Condition: Good. paperback 100% of proceeds go to charity! Good condition with all pages in tact. Item shows signs of use and may have cosmetic defects. Seller Inventory # J-03-4943