Raising Competent Children: A new way of developing relationships with children - Softcover

Juul, Jesper

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1921878762 ISBN 13: 9781921878763

Publisher: Rockpool Publishing, 2012

Synopsis

In this international best-selling book Jesper Juul talks about embracing a new set of values based on the assumption that families must be built not on authoritarian force or democratic tyranny but on dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. Children are competent to express their feelings from birth and they are eager to co-operate as well as assume responsibility for their personal and social behaviour. A new way of developing relationships with children.

About this title

About the Authors

Jesper Juul (1948) is a family therapist, husband, father and a grandfather. He is the author of numerous books and a renowned international public speaker. He is the founder of FamilyLab International, an organization committed to inspire parents to find new and healthier ways to become a successful family, and professionals to create more profound relationships with children and youth in their care. Jesper Juul now lives in Denmark and Croatia, and works in three continents as curriculum manager as well as trainer, educator and public speaker. After being the CEO of The Kempler Institute of Scandinavia -- offering postgraduate education in family therapy and counselling -- for almost 30 years, Jesper Juul is now devoting his time to support and educate social entrepreneurs in many countries, and to ensure that a new generation will develop his work and philosophy in new and inventive ways.

Jesper Juul (1948) is a family therapist, husband, father and a grandfather. He is the author of numerous books and a renowned international public speaker. He is the founder of FamilyLab International, an organization committed to inspire parents to find new and healthier ways to become a successful family, and professionals to create more profound relationships with children and youth in their care. Jesper Juul now lives in Denmark and Croatia, and works in three continents as curriculum manager as well as trainer, educator and public speaker. After being the CEO of The Kempler Institute of Scandinavia -- offering postgraduate education in family therapy and counselling -- for almost 30 years, Jesper Juul is now devoting his time to support and educate social entrepreneurs in many countries, and to ensure that a new generation will develop his work and philosophy in new and inventive ways.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Raising Competent Children

A New Way of Developing Relationships with Children

By Jesper Juul

Rockpool Publishing Pty Ltd

Copyright © 2012 Jesper Juul
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-921878-76-3

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS, 
PREFACE TO THE 5TH ENGLISH EDITION, 
INTRODUCTION, 
CHAPTER 1: FAMILY VALUES, 
CHAPTER 2: CHILDREN COOPERATE!, 
CHAPTER 3: SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-CONFIDENCE, 
CHAPTER 4: RESPONSIBILITY, BEING RESPONSIBLE AND POWER, 
CHAPTER 5: CHILDREN'S SOCIAL, 
CHAPTER 6: LIMITS, 
CHAPTER 7: FAMILIES WITH TEENAGERS, 
CHAPTER 8: FAMILY, 

CHAPTER 1

FAMILY VALUES

We are at a unique historical crossroads. Across many different societies, the basic values that secured the foundation of family life for more than two centuries are undergoing a period of disintegration and transformation. In Scandinavia, women have been in the vanguard of these changes, abetted by advanced social legislation and the comforts of the welfare state. In other countries, civil war or economic hardship has sparked this development.

The pace at which change is occurring varies, but the cause is the same: the hierarchical, authoritarian family, headed by either a matriarch or a patriarch, is becoming extinct. The map of the world is teeming with many different types of families. Some make a desperate attempt to maintain the standards of "the good old days," while others experiment with new and more fruitful ways of living together.

From a mental health vantage point, there is every reason to welcome this change. The traditional family structure and many of its values were destructive for both children and adults, as these scenarios will illustrate.

A Café in Spain

A father, mother, and two sons, ages three and five, have just finished eating their ice cream and cake. The mother takes a napkin, spits on it, grasps the younger son's chin firmly, and begins to wipe his mouth. The boy protests and turns his face away. She grabs hold of a handful of his hair and tells him in an angry whisper how naughty he is.

His big brother looks on, grimacing — but only for a moment. Then his face settles into a neutral mask. The father also has a pained look, but then he turns with irritation toward his wife — Why can't she make the boy behave himself! Why does he always cause such a fuss?

By the time they leave the café, the boy has recovered. Window-shopping, he notices a new toy in a store window and points to it enthusiastically. He wants his mother to look. But she is ahead of him, and when she walks back to him, she grabs his arm and whisks him away without even glancing at the toy in the window. He begins to cry, begging her to look at it, but she is unrelenting in her determination to win. "Pontela cara bien!" ("Make your face beautiful!") she repeats, over and over again.

A Café in Australia

Two young married couples, one with a son about five, sit down outdoors to have a cup of coffee after shopping. When the waitress appears, the boy's mother says to her son, "We're having coffee, what do you want?"

The boy hesitates a little and says, "I don't know."

Irritated, the mother says to the waitress, "Give him some apple juice."

The coffee and juice arrive, and after a while the boy says, politely and cautiously, "Mummy, I would rather have Coke with lemon, if that's possible."

"Why didn't you say that to start with!" the mother replies.

"Drink your juice!" But in the same breath, she says to the waitress, "The boy's changed his mind. Give him a Coke

Edition details

• Publisher: Rockpool Publishing
• Publication date: 2012
• ISBN 10: 1921878762
• ISBN 13: 9781921878763
• Binding: Paperback
• Language: English
• Number of pages: 272