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Synopsis
Instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of university. Know how to gen in, where to get in, how to stay in, what to say, where to say it, what not to say, where to be seen, what to eat, and even what to wear. Never again confuse a Desmon with a Douglas, a MA (Oxon) or (Cantab) with a genuinely hard-earned Master s degree, a PhD with a DPhil, or a clearing rota with a clean student flat (otherwise known as an oxymoron). Bask in the admiration of your fellow undergraduates as you pronounce confidently on the merits of an Erasmus MUNDUS exchange at the Pyongyang University of Science and Technology (PUST), and hold your own against the most pretentious of university know-alls. DO SAY Tuition fees were trebled to £3,000 to 2006 and trebled again to £9,000 in 2012. It is important to remember that this is all Nick Clegg s fault. DON T SAY Clearing is like making the last train home: you re in, but the best places have gone and you might end up by the toilet.
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About the Author
Rob Ainsley enrolled in the University of Life at the start of the 1960 academic year. He is currently heading for a third. He read maths at Oxford and his tutors had to admit they were surprised when he passed his finals in 1982. Most of them thought he d been studying something else. With his gift for storytelling and invention, Ainsley became a journalist, and later he read music at Goldsmith s College, London. Emma Smith began her writing career at the early age of 15 and ¾ when she appointed herself co-editor of the acclaimed Latimer & Smith. The publication was tragically short-lived. While recovering from this early setback, she managed to graduate from the University of Cambridge in 2012 clutching a wholly unexpected degree in English.
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