Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real - Softcover

Thomas D'Ansembourg

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1892005212 ISBN 13: 9781892005212

Publisher: PuddleDancer Press, 2007

Synopsis

In this English translation of the French bestseller, readers will learn simple, practical skills to step outside of their emotional masks to live a genuine, authentic life. Teaching everyday communication skills to respectfully express true feelings and the power of requesting wants without demands or force, readers learn how to tackle life’s difficult situations and conversations with ease and even excitement. Topics include ideas and advice on how to identify feelings and needs without blaming others, honest and respectful self-expression, facing conflict with ease, and finding balance by staying connected to basic needs.

About this title

About the Author

Based in Belgium, Thomas d'Ansembourg is a former lawyer and legal advisor, and has worked for over a decade managing support to at-risk youth. It was in his one-on-one work with these youth that d'Ansembourg connected to a fundamental aspect of the Nonviolent Communication process -- that all destructive behavior stems from unmet needs. His book, Cessez d'être gentil soyez vrai, published in French, has sold more than 200,000 copies and received the 2003 festival of authors of psychology of Nimes award. D'Ansembourg continues to teach Nonviolent Communication at conferences and trainings throughout Belgium.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Being Genuine

Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real

By Thomas D'Ansembourg, Dan Shenk, Godfrey Spencer

PuddleDancer Press

Copyright © 2007 PuddleDancer Press
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-892005-21-2

Contents

Acknowledgments, 
Preface Moving From Being Nice to Being Genuine, 
Introduction, 
Chapter 1 Why We Are Alienated From Ourselves, 
Chapter 2 Becoming Aware of What We Are Truly Experiencing, 
Chapter 3 Becoming Aware of What Others Are Truly Experiencing, 
Chapter 4 Creating a Space to Connect, 
Chapter 5 Emotional Security and Meaning: Two Keys to Peace, 
Chapter 6 Sharing Information and Our Values, 
Chapter 7 Method, 
Epilogue, 
Cultivating Peace, 
Footnotes, 
Bibliography, 
Index, 
The Four-Part Nonviolent Communication Process, 
Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have, 
About Nonviolent Communication, 
About PuddleDancer Press, 
About the Center for Nonviolent Communication, 
Trade Books From PuddleDancer Press, 
Trade Booklets From PuddleDancer Press, 
About the Author, 

CHAPTER 1

Why We Are Alienated From Ourselves

Our intellectual world is made up of categories, it is bordered by arbitrary and artificial frontiers.

We need to build bridges, but for that there is a need for knowledge, a greater vision of man and his destiny.

Yehudi Menuhin

U.S. and British violinist and conductor

Preamble

I have no words to describe my loneliness, my sadness, or my anger.

I have no words to speak my need for exchange, understanding, recognition.

So I criticize, I insult, or I strike.

Or I have my fix, abuse alcohol, or get depressed.

Violence, expressed within or without, results from a lack of vocabulary; it is the expression of a frustration that has no words to express it.

And there are good reasons for that; most of us have not acquired a vocabulary for our inner life. We never learned to describe accurately what we were feeling and what needs we had. Since childhood, however, we have learned a host of words. We can talk about history, geography, mathematics, science, or literature; we can describe computer technology or sporting technique and hold forth on the economy or the law. But the words for life within ... when did we learn them? As we grew up, we became alienated from our feelings and needs in an attempt to listen to those of our mother and father, brothers and sisters, schoolteachers, et al.: "Do as Mommy tells you ... Do whatever your cousin who's coming to play with you this afternoon wants ... Do what is expected of you."

And it was thus that we started to listen to the feelings and needs of everyone — boss, customer, neighbor, colleagues — except ourselves! To survive and fit in, we thought we had to be cut off from ourselves.

Then one day the payment comes due for such alienation! Shyness, depression, misgivings, hesitations in reaching decisions, inability to choose, difficulties to commit, a loss of taste for life. Help! We circle 'round and 'round like the water draining from a sink. We are about to go under. We are waiting for someone to drag us out, to be given instructions, and yet, at the same time, recommendations aren't exactly welcome! We're snowed under with "You must do this ... It's high time you did that ... You should ..."

What we need most of all is to get in touch with ourselves, to seek a solid grounding in ourselves, to feel within that it is we who are speaking, we who decide and not our habits, our conditioning, our fears of a

Edition details

• Publisher: PuddleDancer Press
• Publication date: 2007
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1892005212
• ISBN 13: 9781892005212
• Binding: Paperback
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 302