Out of Love: Finding Your Way Back to Self-Compassion - Softcover

Marianne Ingheim

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1631526952 ISBN 13: 9781631526954

Publisher: She Writes Press, 2020

Synopsis

We all tell ourselves stories about who we are. Many of these stories are self-critical and disempowering. Through the practice of self-compassion, we can rewrite these stories and become more authentic and powerful versions of ourselves—transforming not only our own lives but also the lives of those around us.

In short and personal pieces, Marianne Ingheim tells the story of how the practice of self-compassion has changed her life in ways big and small, helping her unlearn harsh self-criticism, survive multiple tragedies, and live more authentically. In the wake of a breast cancer diagnosis and her husband’s suicide, she discovers the power of self-compassionate storytelling and finds belonging within herself—and in doing so, she learns how to manage anxiety and stress, how to be authentic in relationships, and how to let go of comparison and be truly creative.

Through stories and journaling prompts, Out of Love: Finding Your Way Back to Self-Compassion aims to inspire readers to unlearn the self-critical patterns holding them hostage—and begin to live a happier, more courageous life.

About this title

About the Author

Marianne Ingheim is a Danish-Norwegian American writer, teacher, and PhD student at California Institute of Integral Studies. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. For more information, please visit www.marianneingheim.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1: Beginner Blues Yesterday I did something I’ve been wanting to do for ten years. All these years I didn’t do it because I knew I wouldn’t be good at it at first, and I like to be good at things―perfect, preferably. The problem is we’re usually not perfect at something we’ve never tried before. We usually make mistakes. I don’t like making mistakes. I don’t like being a beginner. But I do like learning new things, so I forced myself to set up an appointment to do this thing I’ve been wanting to do for ten years. When I walked through the door of the dance studio for my first lesson, I was terrified. I felt awkward and uncomfortable in my body, as I usually do, but even more so in this situation. Why was I doing this again? Oh, right. To feel more at ease in my body and gain just the slightest bit of confidence when it comes to dancing. My dance instructor was so proud of every little step I learned, and at the end of the lesson, he gave me a big hug and said, “You did the hardest part: walking through that door.” Now, why couldn’t I have that kind of compassion for myself? Turns out, self-compassionate people are more likely to be motivated by a desire to grow than to avoid criticism. This is what psychology professor Carol Dweck calls a “growth mindset” versus a “fixed mindset.” People with the fixed mindset believe that human qualities are set and unchangeable, while people with the growth mindset believe these qualities can be cultivated through effort. People with the fixed mindset tend to be concerned with doing things well from the start and avoiding criticism and failure, while people with a growth mindset are more concerned with learning and less discouraged by criticism and failure. [[insert text box: I’m not here to be perfect; I’m here to grow.]] The good news is that even if we tend toward a fixed mindset, this isn’t fixed! We can learn to be more growth oriented―through mindfulness and self-compassion. Did I dance perfectly in that class? No, far from it. But I had fun learning, and that, after all, is why I think we’re here: to learn. We’re not here to be perfect; we’re here to grow. Compassionately reminding ourselves of this can help ease those beginner blues. → What do you want to do but have been afraid of doing because you think you might not be “good” at it in the beginning?

Edition details

• Publisher: She Writes Press
• Publication date: 2020
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1631526952
• ISBN 13: 9781631526954
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 216