Nearly all of us, at one time or another, have faced one of the following: A critical parent, an unkind spouse, unappreciative children, a demanding boss, back-stabbing coworkers, or gossipy friends. If these relationships have caused you to feel depressed, anxious, sick, hopeless, abandoned or emotionally depleted, then you may have been in a destructive relationship. Dr. Jill Murray, in her new book DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS: A Guide To Changing The Unhealthy Relationships In Your Life (Jodere, September 2002), says that destructive relationships are so common as to be the rule rather than the exception in many women's lives today. In fact, she claims that many women suffer from a whole host of toxic relationships. For example: Judy has a mother who makes little "suggestions" every time she visits: Judy's house isn't clean enough, her children aren't dressed warmly enough, she doesn't brown her chicken well enough, she isn't a good enough wife, andoh, by the waydid she gain a few pounds recently Judy tries to ignore her mother's comments; she's used to them, having grown up with criticism all her life and besides, her mother is getting oldershe doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Judy also works for a boss who constantly demands more of her than anyone else in the department. She is often asked to work late, her reports aren't quite up-to-snuff, and she doesn't take enough initiative. Judy rationalizes that her boss is a creative genius and like all geniuses, he's a bit eccentric. Judy has kids who treat her like a maid, taxi driver, and ATM but you know kids these daysthey all have an attitude; it's just part of growing up. She also has girlfriends who betray the confidences she shares and a husband who often "kids around" with her by making caustic remarks about her appearance and libido. Does any of this sound familiar So, how can you find new, healthier ways of being According to Dr. Jill the first step is to recognize the signs of a destructive relationship
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