Moving On: The Gay Man's Guide for Coping When a Relationship Ends - Softcover

Hazel, Dann

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1575663783 ISBN 13: 9781575663784

Publisher: Kensington Publishing, 2003

Synopsis

From the legal, social, and spiritual issues to the political, personal, and sexual components of gay separation, a compassionate guide offers a wealth of advice, encouragement, courage, and support to gay men dealing with a painful breakup. Original.

About this title

From the Author

Why I Wrote Moving On
Every New Year's Day, Robert and I celebrated our anniversary. Although we might have separate obligations on other holidays--like visiting relatives we hadn't seen in a long time--we selfishly reserved New Year's Day for ourselves. That's the day we met, back in 1982. Within a month, we had moved in together. In less than six months, we knew our relationship would last forever.

However, during the last two years of our partnership, we both realized something had gone terribly wrong. When Robert's parents became gravely ill, I resented their dying at a time of exciting change in our lives. I never admitted my resentment to Robert, but I'm sure he knew. Just as he knew that, despite my callousness, I loved my "in-laws" very, very much. Still, Robert could not depend on me to support and comfort him-not when I had so many irons in the fire.

After their deaths, Robert fell into a serious depression. His life became a routine of sleep and work, sleep and work. Because of my career decisions, our style and standard of living deteriorated. Many of the financial responsibilities that had been mine suddenly became his. But he understood my decisions, and kept his silence.

His silence, to me, was maddening. I felt peripheral to his life. Because we couldn't resolve what was happening, I grew bitter. I realized that I wanted something "better" in my life. When I began therapy, hoping to salvage our relationship, Robert balked. "I think we're beating a dead horse," he said. "Let's not prolong things. If we do, we'll end up hating each other."

He was right, of course. I just didn't expect things to end as quickly as they did. He met a man in Washington, DC, while accompanying me on a business trip. Within two months, he announced his intention to move on.

For me, it was too soon. I needed more time.

But time was something Robert didn't have. He had no choice but to escape a bad situation. I felt lost,lonely and abandoned. I intensified my therapy sessions, and gratefully accepted my shrink's offer to write a prescription for antidepressants. Soon, I started dating Josh, but wondered what I could possibly offer a partnership.

Always a reader, I searched for books to help. I found a few volumes on how to make gay relationships work. Well, Robert and I had already experienced success as a couple for fifteen years. I needed something to help me break up without losing my sanity.

I began jotting down observations about my own experiences. My musings accelerated the therapeutic process-including my ability to appreciate what Josh and I were gradually building. Before long, I saw the beginnings of a book emerge-though I knew that my experiences alone would hardly resonate with every gay man who suffered a break-up. I searched for others who had survived the end of long-term relationships. I found more than fifty in just a week. After talking with them, I realized that, at least in a small way, together we might help others to regain some equilibrium after thinking they would never again find happiness.

But we do find it, after all--and often in the most unexpected places.

Synopsis

Filled with sensible, heartfelt advice from someone who''s been there and bounced back, here is the first and only guide for the gay man who is undergoing, or has un dergone, the break-up of a loving partnership. '

Edition details

• Publisher: Kensington Publishing
• Publication date: 2003
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1575663783
• ISBN 13: 9781575663784
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 304