Retail Therapy: Life Lessons Learned While Shopping - Softcover

Ford, Amanda

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1573248517 ISBN 13: 9781573248518

Publisher: Conari Press, 2003

Synopsis

Amanda Ford, the bestselling author of Be True to Yourself, now presents Retail Therapy, the ultimate guide to life through shopping Retail Therapy is a playful yet wise look at the pleasures of shopping. Amanda Ford loves to shop, and she exuberantly shares the stories of her most memorable finds the perfect pink sweater, a set of precious porcelain dishes, a dusty yet valuable antique. But she also shows how shopping allows us to examine deeper truths about our lives and what is really going on when money is spent. Chapters include "The Best Trends to Follow Are the Ones You Set Yourself," "We Never Know How Things Will Turn Out," "Be Thankful for What You Have," and "Some Places We Have to Go to Alone." Blending tales about her own experiences with life lessons, quotes, and advice, her message is ultimately about discovering your passions, taking care of yourself, and being conscious about decisions.

About this title

About the Author

Amanda Ford is a young, vibrant writer with a talent for uncovering extraordinary meaning in everyday events. In Retail Therapy, Amanda takes an insightful and fun look at the lessons we can glean while participating in a common activity: shopping. Amanda's work has been featured in publications such as Real Simple, Glamour, The Chicago Tribune, and The Seattle Times, and she is a regular contributor to the popular travel website Girl's Guide to City Life. You can contact Amanda through her website.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Retail Therapy

Life Lessons Learned While Shopping

By Amanda Ford

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

Copyright © 2002 Amanda Ford
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-851-8

Contents

How Shopping Saved My Life: A Word of Introduction
1 The Best Path to Follow Is Your Own
2 You Never Know How Things Will Work Out
3 Gratitude Is the Best Antidote for Discontent
4 Every Woman Needs a Creative Side
5 Men Are Different
6 Heartache Abounds
7 People Help You Through
8 There Are Places a Girl Must Go Alone
9 Try Always to Be Present and Aware
Acknowledgments
About The Author

CHAPTER 1

The Best Path to Follow Is Your Own

I've Got Just the Perfect Thing, You Look Great, and Other Lies

Saying no can be the ultimate self-care.

—Claudia Black

When I was sixteen years old I got a job at the Gap. It had long been my dreamto work among the colors and textures of my favorite clothing store. On the job,I learned which styles of jeans looked good on which body types and how to tellthe size of a shirt without looking at the tag. I loved talking with happyshoppers and working in a place where upbeat music played on the stereo all daylong. With my 50 percent employee discount, I could afford lots of clothes eventhough I earned only minimum wage. I felt satisfied at the end of each monthwith a full closet, even though my bank account was empty.

Yet there were a few things about the job I hated. The fluorescent lighting, forone. Walking around in oh-so-stylish yet oh-so-uncomfortable shoes for eighthours, for another. The boredom of days when nobody came shopping and I wouldfold the same pile of shirts seventeen times for lack of anything else to do,for a third. Worst of all, however, was the manager, whose name and face I haveforgotten but whose high-pitched voice and singsong tone will forever ring in myears. "Sell, sell, sell," she would trill. "Don't forget to accessorize thecustomers!" Translated from manager language, "accessorize the customers" meantpressure people to buy a handful of small items that they would not otherwisedream of purchasing. I could fold a mean shirt, could clear the dressing roomsin record speed, and knew a guy's waist and length measurements at a glance, butaccessorizing was not a skill I was able to master. I felt like a jerk saying,"I've got a great belt that would go fabulous with those pants!" My lack ofenthusiasm for alerting customers to the lime green socks that had (notsurprisingly) just gone on sale for $1.99 was often criticized. My managerscolded, "Amanda, your customers aren't buying enough. Push the new lip balm."

"Sell, sell, sell," she would trill. "Don't forget to accessorize thecustomers!"

Stores are full of people trying to get you to buy things. If nobody caredwhether or not you left the store with a purchase, there would be no need forsalespeople pacing the floor, making sure you found the right size, escortingyou to a dressing room, and introducing themselves with their names and "Let meknow if you need anything else." Although your ego may get a boost when thestylish saleswoman compliments your "great pants" or "beautiful necklace,"chances are her motives are skewed. Her aim is to create an environment whereyou feel happy, confident, and welcomed. What better way to do that than withsome good old-fashioned flattery? You feel like a minor celebrity when thesaleswoman at the store exclaims, "I absolutely love your hair!" You, of course,absolutely love the compliment. You stand a little taller, smile a littlebigger. All the people in the store are admiring you, the woman with thefabulous hair. Suddenly everything you try on fits perfectly, and you end upwith your arms full of clothes to buy. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm not saying that your hair isn't fabulous or your outfit doesn't looksmashing on you; I'm sure those things are true. What I am saying is, Becautious. How many people do you think the saleswoman compliments in a singleday's work? More than one, you can be sure. She is generous with her flattery,and the more lavish she is with kind words, the more lavish you will be withyour wallet. A shop is probably not the best place to make friends or ask forhonest opinions. Of course the clerks are going to be smiling at you and sayingyou look great—you're paying their salaries.

Ignore sale signs that tempt you to buy skirts that pull a little too tightaround the rear.

Often someone will try to get you to do things that will benefit them but maynot benefit and may even harm you. This is why you must figure out what you wantand then follow your own way. Saying "No" is essential, because when you blazeyour own trail, you must stay true to yourself and may need to sidestep someonewho can hinder or interfere with your plan.

Begin by saying "No" when you're shopping. First say "No" to any salesperson whooffers you anything you don't want. Ignore sale signs that tempt you to buyskirts that pull a little too tight around the rear or trendy pink tennis shoesthat (although they are adorable) will never see the outside of your closet.Tell those T-shirts that call out to you "Buy three, get one free" that you onlyneed one, not four. Tell the clerk at the checkout, "No, I do not want to applyfor another credit card" and "No, I do not need socks to match my shirt" and "NoI would not like to see the new jewelry you just got in." You'll actually leavefeeling energized and more confident than if you had said "Yes" to all thetempters. Instead of having a closet full of ordinary things that you resent fortaking up money and space, you'll have room for what you really love. You canput the money toward that beautiful long coat or buy the leather journal you'vealways desired. Saying "No" brings empowerment—you, and only you, are in chargeof your shopping trip.

Not only do we need to say "No" to pushy salespeople and seductive sale signs,but we also need to deal with other people who try to take advantage of us orwant us to spend our precious life minutes in unfulfilling ways. Get comfortablewith saying "No" while shopping, and then incorporate this little word intoother areas of your life. Soon you'll be able to tell the waitress, "No, it isnot okay that my food is cold." You'll tell the car dealership, "No, I do notneed an extended warranty." The phone solicitors will hear, "No, I am notinterested in a free carpet cleaning." But do not stop there. Say "No" tofriends and family who ask for more than you can give. Tell your roommate, "No,please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink." Say to your guy, "Sorry, sweetie,but I won't iron your clothes." Make it clear to your mother-in-law that "Ican't come to dinner every Sunday night. How about once a month?"

Saying "No" frees you. By saying "No" at the store, you open up closet space andleave room on your credit card for the purchases that truly reflect your style.By saying "No" at home, you free up time in your busy calendar to spend doingthose things that truly make you happy.

Keeping Up with Martha

I've always believed that one woman's success can only help another woman'ssuccess.

—Gloria Vanderbilt

I am a huge Martha Stewart fan. I absolutely adore her and love everything shedoes, especially the "Good Things" segment of her show and magazine. Thanks toher inspiration, I have made my own glycerin soap; I know how to dry water dropson the inside of a tall, skinny bottle; I know about rubbing wax on the bottomof my dresser drawers so that they slide more easily; and I keep my dish soap ina beautiful glass bottle next to the sink instead of the ugly plastic bottlethat it originally comes in.

Some people I know, however, do not praise Martha as highly as I do. Theycriticize her for being an uptight perfectionist. They call her "The Craft Nazi"and tell stories from gossip columns about how Martha is difficult and how herstaff hates to work with her. A friend of mine calls Martha's ideas useless. Sheonce said, "I saw a show where Martha taught how to break a terra cotta pot andthen put it back together. What's the point of that?" Obviously the point was togive the pot a new, more interesting look with cracks. "It's aesthetics," I toldmy friend, but she didn't get it.

What this friend and all Martha Stewart naysayers don't understand is thatMartha is about so much more than crafts. Martha can cook a gourmet meal,cultivate a dream garden, remove any stain, and advise the proper etiquette forany situation that one might find oneself in. She can paint, decoupage, build,sew, speak a little French, cross-country ski, and run a multimillion-dollarbusiness. Among the women I love the most and me, the ultimate compliment hasbecome, "Martha would definitely approve!"

I must admit however that there have been two times when Ms. Stewart has beenbad for my psyche. Once Martha had my favorite handbag designer, Kate Spade, onher show. I love the boxy shapes and unique materials of Kate Spade's purses,but I have only been able to admire them on store shelves because their pricetag is way out of my reach. Apparently Martha does not feel the same financialrestraints that I do because she said that one reason she loves Kate Spade'spurses is because they are so reasonably priced. I felt shocked and inadequatebecause to me even a Kate Spade purse on sale is not reasonably priced.

Another time that Martha was not good for me was when she featured on her show asegment about garbage cans. Martha showed different types of containers thatcould be used to contain trash, from a small copper canister to a large antiqueceramic pot. She had one on wheels, one with a handle, and one basket-likecontainer that was, of course, hand-woven. Not a single one looked like the blueplastic can that sat underneath my kitchen sink. I quickly began to detest mywaste bin; it looked so sterile, so average, with no class, no character. I madeit my mission to find myself a garbage can that would make Martha proud.

Searching garage sales, antique shops, kitchen shops, and hardware stores, Ilearned that the Marthaworthy cans out there all cost more than $35. Mygirlfriend Rachael scowled when I picked out a $55, large, white tin containerwith the paint chipped off in certain areas to give it that special shabby-chiclook. She was aghast: "You're buying that for your kitchen trash?" Haughtily Iproclaimed, "I hate plastic garbage cans." Rachael shook her head and responded,"Amanda, it sits under your sink and holds banana peels and moldy bread. I amnot letting you spend that much money on a trash can." Sighing and huffing, Iput it back. Even though I refused to admit it at the time, I didn't feel rightabout spending more than ten bucks for a trash can. I had almost given in toconsumer pressure, and I was thankful that Rachael stopped me. Buying thatexpensive can would not have broken my bank, but spending $55 on a garbage cansimply did not make sense. For someone in my income bracket, the thought alonewas impractical, irrational, and ridiculous. Any financially astute woman wouldagree that if I planned to have both a home and a bank account of which Marthawould approve, then I should be more protective of my money. Adorable Kate Spadepurses and antique ceramic garbage cans may be everyday purchases for MarthaStewart, but these things are over the top for me.

"Amanda, it sits under your sink and holds banana peels and moldy bread. I amnot letting you spend that much money on a trash can."

Adorable Kate Spade purses may be everyday purchases for Martha Stewart, butthese things are over the top for me.

I've stopped feeling inadequate when I cannot keep up with Martha because Irealize that she has built her empire on perfection, and having everythingexactly right is what has made her career. My dream is not to be a princess ofperfection. Although I enjoy the beauty that Martha creates, I have learned howto use the things I love about Martha in a way that works in my life. For methat means trying a delicious recipe from one of her cookbooks, growing herbs inmy kitchen, and organizing my closet with large wicker baskets and beautifullypainted wooden boxes. Buying a specially made Vera Wang couture wedding gown,collecting antique figurines, or hand-making cards for every holiday, however,are not things that interest me or fit my lifestyle.

I find that it can be difficult to keep from being competitive with peoplearound me and to stop feeling jealous of things they have and I lack. It can behard to stay true to the vision I have for my life, and I often second-guessmyself when I see people around me who appear to be living lives that arebigger, better, and more than mine. There is a little exercise I have created tokeep myself on track when these moments arise. Whenever I catch myself feelingenvious or creating a rivalry with another person, I stop and ask myself, "Iswhat they have something that I really want for myself?" Sometimes I'm feelingjealous simply because I'm giving in to the idea that the grass is alwaysgreener in someone else's yard, and what I'm feeling jealous about is not evensomething that I want. Other times, however, my jealousy is valid. There aretimes when I see that another person has something in her life that I want inmine. Then I try to use my envy as a catalyst to get me moving toward the thingsI really want. Maybe I'm jealous of somebody else's wardrobe because she has awonderful sense of style, or maybe I'm jealous of someone's artistic abilitiesbecause I dream of being a painter, or maybe I'm jealous of the strongfriendships that another person has because I don't have such friends formyself. Once I discover what I'm feeling envious about, I try to cultivate thesequalities or elements in my own life. Competitiveness and jealousy are notalways bad; if used correctly, they can trigger personal growth.

Tune Into Your Intuition

To follow the voice that tells us what we need to do, even when it doesn't seemto make sense, is a worthy pursuit.

—Sue Bender

I have come to learn that one of the best tools we have is our intuition. It isour instincts, our deep-down gut feelings, and our little hunches that, givenproper attention, keep us from making major mistakes and help us remain true toourselves. Intuition is subtle; it doesn't work in obvious ways. It's yourintuition that's speaking up when you are drawn to a pink handbag. Somethingdeep inside you yearns for pink, and although you cannot explain why, you areenamored by that purse. There have been times when I wanted a brightly coloredpurse, but I ignored these inner longings because the logical part of me saidthat black or beige would be more practical. Every time this has happened, Ilistened to my practical voice, and though it is true that my neutral-coloredpurses are very versatile, in the end, I feel like something is missing. Alittle part of me has not been satisfied.

Not only can your intuition help you decide what to buy, but it can help youdecide what not to buy as well. I have learned this the hard way and have mademany purchases even while that little voice inside me was screaming, "Stop!Don't buy that!"

The most recent of these unhappy incidents occurred a few months ago when Ibought a new jacket. I wanted a nice, semi-dressy coat to wear in the rainbecause my big Cortex coat with its hood and many pockets looked ridiculous whenpaired with a skirt or sassy pair of pants for a night out on the town. I hadn'tbeen looking hard, just casually keeping my eyes open in case something poppedup, when I found a perfect black coat in a sleek, A-line shape. Unfortunately,as I slipped the coat on in front of a mirror in the center of the store, I sawthat it wasn't as flattering on me as I had anticipated. It didn't look awful,but it didn't look fabulous either. The hemline fell just below my knees, whichmade my 5-foot-1-inch body look even shorter, and the belt tied in an awkwardway around my waist. Although these things did not scream "Mistake!" somethingabout the coat just didn't feel right.

As I was about to take off the coat and return it to its rack, a saleswoman cameover and said, "Oh, that coat looks so cute on you!" I asked her if she was sureand told her that I thought it made me appear short and dumpy. After examiningme from all angles, the saleswoman objected to my critique of the coat. "You'recrazy," she said. "It looks adorable on you. Just adorable!" I figured that Iwas being too judgmental of myself and bought the coat, even though I feltunsure about it.

Something deep inside you yearns for pink ... you cannot explain why.

A couple of weeks later my husband, Zach, saw me in the coat for the first timeand wrinkled his nose, saying, "It looks kind of weird." At that moment I knew Ishould have trusted my instincts, but it was too late to do anything about itbecause I had thrown away the tags and the receipt. In the end, I paid aseamstress more than the coat was worth to hem it and remove its funny littlebelt.

Your intuition will speak up about many things; it can be your most helpfulguide when you are trying to follow your own path. You'll benefit by listeningto it.

Have Your Shoes and Wear Them Too

The energy of imagination, deliberation, and invention, which fall into anatural rhythm totally one's own, maintained by innate discipline and a keensense of pleasure—these are the ingredients of style. And all who have it shareone thing: originality.

—Diana Vreeland

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Retail Therapy by Amanda Ford. Copyright © 2002 Amanda Ford. Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: Conari Press
• Publication date: 2003
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1573248517
• ISBN 13: 9781573248518
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 224