Abuse for Use: Not Easy to Recognize and Not Easy to Forget - Softcover

AZAAN, JANNAH; CHIRAG, ROSHAN

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1546209751 ISBN 13: 9781546209751

Publisher: AuthorHouse, 2017

Synopsis

Abuse for Use is a story of a teenage girl given in marriage and sent to America fulfilling her parents’, and not hers, American dream for a desired comfort level in home life. She almost lands up in a shelter home because of abuse instead of use. 

This is a story of conflicting interpersonal interests, contrasts in practiced values, varied interplay of coping resources and prevailing sources of help, feelings and emotional exchanges between diverse mind-sets, ambiguity of facts, imbalance between her reality, and interpretations by her parents seven seas apart. 

This is a story of dependence on helpless factors, opposing expectancy levels, personality deviations, varying tolerance thresholds among people, overstretching of strengths, fighting of weaknesses, and dissimilarity in perceptions of virtues by classes of the same community. 

Abuse for Use is a record of recollections, a record of sequential events originating from severe mental cruelty to gradual adaptability of circumstances, of experiences leading to growth and development, finally climaxing into a gospel of teachings for all other women to feel empowered and to be able to fight for their civil rights.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Abuse for Use

Not Easy to Recognize and Not Easy to Forget

By Jannah Azaan, Roshan Chirag

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2017 Jannah Azaan; Roshan Chirag
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5462-0975-1

CHAPTER 1

I am a writer, yes I am, No I am not. But yes I am definitely a thinker. Thinkers can write, they can write well. They have the art to modulate thoughts into words. Yes, I am a writer. No, not really. No, writers are different people they have inborn instincts to become celebrities. They are successful people, but am I. No I am not, successful people think high. They dream big. They can manipulate the themes, characters, stories, and dramas. They can convert true facts, and can dramatize them into fictions. They can write non-fictions, history, biographies etc., I cannot. I am not a writer. I think I am only a survivor. I don't know. I am not sure whether I have become unsure, or America has made me unsure. Dream America makes people unsure about themselves.

I am one of them. I am only an interpreter, narrator of events, and events are products of circumstances. There are several, but one quality I acquired out of nurturing is to form goals for achievements, and then work hard to get them. That is why I think positively, and do not easily get discouraged by hurdles or obstacles. And even if I do, it remains for transient times. I prefer doing things on a need to need basis, and usually complete the tasks assigned on me, and I do not believe in planning scrupulously, tiring me extraneously, and later to find that I had unnecessarily overworked without getting the required results.

Coming to the serious side of me, I am receptive, sensitive, tolerant, and accepting of people. I have low expectations from others, and get along fine with almost all so far. I dislike unwanted behaviors both in myself and in others, behaviors they are manifestations of irrationality. But I let people be, and I wish to be me. I forgive and forget, forgive, by making sure I don't encourage others to repeat. But of course there are certain people which cannot be helped.

I always used to consider work as worship, and never used to hesitate to accept challenges in life, of course not too expensive to bear with, which should lead to defeat in the end, leave alone disappointment. Dissatisfaction in life is not a cause but an effect of circumstances, and I think circumstances are a product of one's thought process in the end. Righteous thoughts lead to our formed opinions about satisfaction, and I can remain happy with frustrations out of tests, and joys out of achievements.

I know that personal tragedies are common place in this world, but problems of such dimensions may become difficult to manage if they fall on to youngsters like me, more so as I did not expect such adverse circumstances to happen in the first place, and to continue to pile up to such limits. Secondly I was alone, having been carried from Home town to new surroundings in US, facing the stress of immigration, and I found myself gradually becoming a victim of big disappointments, which never seemed to end. Was it dreamed America getting shattered, or test and trails of climatic, cultural, and economics shops, and the abbreviations of social norms being tormented thoroughly and completely? I still do not know.

I actually belonged to an upper middle class Muslim family of south Home town, with a bachelor's degree in commerce as my qualification. My father being a doctor by profession, teaching medical college students, and my mother being a plain simple housewife, were satisfied with our lives. I was reared up in a happy home atmosphere, with my younger brother and sister.

We were living comfortably and were grateful to God for the provisions.

This pathetic story began when I was a student of final year, and alliances were searched for me, because of my father's growing concerns about his health constraints over and above his physical handicap, due to post-polio residual paralysis. In the middle of year 2003, an NRI family approached us, proposing their son and US citizen for my match. They presented their best behaviors, and claimed to belong to a respectable religious family from my Home town.

The boy's father, claimed to be an Aerospace Engineer affiliated to NASA, and well placed in US for the last 3 decades. That their children were brought up in controlled religious environment with decent social values, and the boy being a product of liberal American society, also believes in equality of rights for women, and would respect his wife. I knew Americans don't lie, they reward the efforts, and they don't act mean without any reason. This is what I had been hearing about Americans' since long.

They said everything is best suited, except that the boy is not well versed with our mother tongue, a language spoken here. Just on this issue my father arranged some meetings of the boy with my mother, who did not know English and used 'Interpreters' to bring acquaintance. We children being the products of English medium schools, had no problem in communicating with the boy.

At that time my mother was feeling a little uneasy about the presentations, and the pretentious attitude of the boy's ignorance about knowing our mother tongue, only to realize later that he knew his mother tongue very well, and used to speak mother tongue at home in US too. Now going back into past I am amazed at his acting talent, which fooled us completely, and we believed in the reality that he did not know his mother tongue.

Seeing some reluctance from our side, his father claimed that his 2 older twin daughters married to sub-continental boys respectively, and were subjected to maltreatments by their husbands, to the extent that their younger daughter is unwilling to marry in Home town. He naturally meant that they understand the feelings of girl's parents, and would keep me happy, and would not let the history gets repeated in my case. He also assured my parents that the boy is earning well, owns a 'condo' of his own and has handsome savings to provide a comfortable living, and post-graduate education for me.

They also mentioned that he is almost completing his Bachelor's degree in corporate law, and has good prospects in future. He then added that they will take the guardianship of my younger sister, and help my brother to get a good footing in US, allowing re-union of the family over there. All was very impressive and we were influenced. It was a strategy well planned for the then prevailing sense of local mind sets. In those days, all upper middle class families were giving their children in marriages to US, UK and Canada. Some were even venturing into Australia and New Zealand.

They expressed their wish to fix engagement and to publicize the occasion, to help them to seek fiancée visa for me, and that they would share the expenses of the ceremony. I noticed some strange things in their behaviors, but could not pin point them, and was wondering whether I am being over cautious. I could not draw lines as to whether these are deviations from norms, or little different cultural characteristics between east and west, but I was feeling little uneasy myself.

They seemed to calculate and judge their wants very well. The established pattern was exaggerated importance to formalities and traditional values. There was a big show of obedience and concern, from the twin sons towards their mother. My parents believed in their words and acts, and agreed for the engagement. But I still wondered, whether the publicity they aimed at, was to expedite the visa processing, or to bind us to stay put in fulfillment of their goals. Abandoning the engagement would portray me as an incompetent girl in our tradition, and it would also reflect a bad image on the girl's side in our culture.

The Engagement ceremony took place in June 2003, at an expensive club in Hometown. Their sides of invitees were a contrast of classes. They were ranging from below poverty line people to high end decorated society signals. They took time in introducing their family, and wanted to cut short our side of introductions. A tendency to touchiness was evident during the rituals. They were critical about the quality of food prepared by the caterers, delay in serving dinner, and other arrangements.

I noticed that the conversation between them was minimum, and I also noticed that the guests of their side were indifferent towards each other. We ignored all these incompletely understood signals. The very next day they left in a hurry, without paying their share of expenses. My father thought that in urgency they probably forgot to pay back, and may do so thereafter. It appeared like a fast-forwarded version of a function, with no understanding of its purpose or goal.

They started calling regularly from US, and followed a rigid frequency, like my father-in-law calling us every weekend, and my fiancé calling me twice a day. Later they announced that they have filed for my fiancée visa, and that the other twin brother is also seriously considering marrying his maternal uncle's daughter in Home town. I was also told that his father is displeased by this development. With passage of time certain other aspects of that family became unclearly evident, and continued to worry me.

They impressed their affluence by asking my father to search for a house as their 'vacation home', but later forgot about it. They hinted that some of their acquaintance is returning from Home town, and we could send any number gifts we want, without worrying about the weight of the package. The compliance of it is self-explanatory.

I felt that their exhibition of warmth is very superficial and short-lived, and I pointed out some discrepancies to my father, like the discreet and aloof role of my fiancé's mother, boasting and indulgent attitude of his father, and extremism in the nature of my fiancé himself. My mother inquired about the lack of communication from my fiancé's mother, and we were told that she is either away shopping, or sleeping late, or entertaining guests' etc. We took their explanations for granted. My father being a modest person expected and valued them as the same, and continued reassuring me, but I was getting a little bothered anyway.

My fiancé's maternal grandfather in our Home town got admitted into the hospital, and was on death bed and when my parents went to see him, they found him on the mercy of hospital staff, and felt bad about it. Strangely we were asked not to attend on the sick man any further, and my father-in-law told us that the sick man was a rogue in the past, he had even harassed his wife, who happened to be his step-daughter, to the extent that she was burned by cigarette buds on her private parts, etc. Such stories were very strange for me.

Then he started asking my father for certain small favors, and petty requirements instead of his own relatives. My father asked his friends in Illinois to inquire about them, and this family threw some parties for my father's friends, and the interactions were formal and superficial. The feedback on these inquiries was not enough to derive any conclusions. It is true that one has to live with a person to know him fully well. Unfortunately, live-in styles, prevailing in the west, as prerequisites for a prenuptial relationship was not the in-thing in our culture.

My fiancé always insisted on finding me available when he calls. Even if I am asleep he wanted me to attend to his telephonic calls, and showed restlessness on missing me by even a couple of hours. He would want every move of mine to be announced to him before hand, so that it does not bring any inconvenience to him, especially when he calls, and does not find me at home. My father purchased a mobile phone for me just to avoid his inconvenience. There should be a limit on compromises too. They sent photographs of their house, where they were residing in suburbs of Illinois and photographs of their cars, in and out from different angles.

My mother and I somehow felt disturbed on this uncalled for exhibition of assets, but my father consoled me that they probably mean to familiarize me with the surroundings, which I would be getting into in near future. But there was something strange in their background, which my mind was not accepting, but I could not analyze or know it then, and my father as usual took these things in a positive way and also encouraged me to do the same.

They notified us that our entire family should go to collect our visas, after I am called for interview with the regional consulate in Home town, and we did accordingly. My fiancé's father not want to disclose these matters to others, as he said there are always some prejudiced people who may want this alliance to break. Hence we did not discuss these issues with anybody. Plus we were not very aware of the US consulate methods, formalities, and grants of visas.

Only I was granted fiancée visa, in June 2004, I can recall vividly that I informed the consulate's officer who interviewed me, and stated congrats upon the grant of my fiancée visa, that my family is waiting outside his consulate for their grant of visit visas, but he politely denied my request, and my family was asked to seek the routine procedure of web-site appointment.

My father was unhappy about this misguidance, and expressed his worry on how can he send me all alone for marriage in US. Then my in-laws disclosed that they are planning to visit our Home town to conduct the marriages of their twin sons both at one time, because it suits them, and we were wondering why there is no consistency in their words, plans and objectives.

We were finding difficulty in adjusting to these changes, and felt that their priorities were selfishly motivated and that too in a very unreal way. They rest assured us that the informal religious ceremonies will be conducted in our Home town, and the formal marriage will be registered in US thereafter, for which they will send us sponsorship papers to help us to collect the visas for the entire family. My father could not disagree, because we were ignorant about the official proceedings.

My father was wishful to conduct the ceremony in US, so that commitments were met with. But this was dependent on them and they were dictating their terms, even against our wishes. Again we believed in them, and thought it was possibly the correct way of doing things. They made us to look for furnished accommodation for their stay during their visit, but preferred remaining as guests to the other twin son's-in-law's, who had made arrangements of a furnished house for them.

They appeared to work scrupulously to plan their visit and the ceremonies, and we got busy complying with their requests. They initially asked us to book my ticket to match with their return dates, and flight schedules. Then my father-in-law told us that his son had to purchase a car for me immediately after my arrival into US, and hence asked us to share my ticket expense as well, and we did.

But we could not help worrying about the reversal of the pre-arranged programs, total negligence towards their side of commitments, emphasis on traditional rituals, and photo sessions with attention to detail, and elaborate interest in local cultural activities to recreate them. Their manners exhibited self-praise, and watchful self-protection; as they were also accepting monitory assistance from us, in a very guarded way, and justified it in the light of local traditions and culture.

The entire family visited our Home town in the month of July 2004, and we got busy in taking care of them. The so called informal religious ceremony took place on 23rd July at a Majestic function hall, and I moved out into a rented premises. Nevertheless, certain presentations bothered me thereafter. Few among those were, they confided subdued frictions among themselves, my father-in-law extended complaining attitude against his in-laws, and he degraded his own distant family members, and at times was even rude with them.

I was taught the virtues of family values, but I couldn't digest these relationships, and their superficially woven discrete bonds, which were so boastfully spoken at the time of engagement. He also narrated incidents about his brother-in-law's attempt to physically assault him during one of the ceremonies, and found fault with another brother-in-law regarding some misappropriation in financial dealings. He blamed his wife to be non-cooperative, and inconsiderate towards him. He also complained about one of his doctor son-in-law for being arrogant, and another son-in-law for being lazy.

My husband told me that his 'arrogant' brother-in-law is a womanizer, and commits adultery, and that he is a miser, and doesn't spend money on his wife. That he doesn't pray in spite of being a Muslim, and is very selfish in his own interests. My husband mentioned about the other 'lazy' brother-in-law also, that he is a careless and irresponsible person. Also that he doesn't work, and instead lives like a parasite on his wife's earnings, and tries to squeeze their funds for his recreations. I was getting confused on their need to confide their grievances about their own relatives, my religion taught me to regard and respect relationships.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Abuse for Use by Jannah Azaan, Roshan Chirag. Copyright © 2017 Jannah Azaan; Roshan Chirag. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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Edition details

• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Publication date: 2017
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1546209751
• ISBN 13: 9781546209751
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 344