Restore, Refresh, & Rebuild ; A Manuscript for Healthy Relationships - Softcover

Wilkerson, I'jale L.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1504922522 ISBN 13: 9781504922524

Publisher: AuthorHouse, 2015

Synopsis

I believe the experience in my life that brought about change was the birth of my children. In becoming a parent, you learn that it is no longer about yourself anymore but putting aside yourself for others. Along with parenting come responsibility, sleepless days and nights, and sacrifice. I value and cherish my children with my whole heart. There is nothing more precious than carrying someone inside of you and loving that child before you see him or her. No love is greater than a mother's love, which is unconditional and pure! Enjoy the good things in your life while the children are little, for they will be taken away one good day.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Restore, Refresh, & Rebuild

By I'Jale L. Wilkerson

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2015 I'Jale L. Wilkerson
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5049-2252-4

Contents

Preface, ix, 
Chapter 1 Change, 1, 
Chapter 2 Superpower of Love, 5, 
Chapter 3 Woman of Wisdom, 9, 
Chapter 4 Renew Your Spirit, 19, 
Chapter 5 Encourage One Another, 27, 
Chapter 6 My Testimony, 33, 
Chapter 7 Confusion and Division, 49, 
Chapter 8 A Wife's Prayer for Her Husband, 51, 
Chapter 9 Together Forever, 59, 

CHAPTER 1

Change

I struggled with change for most of my childhood. Whether it was moving into a new neighborhood, going to a new school, or making new friends, I was not into it. I was often told to let things flow because that change was good. As I grew older, I understood that change was necessary and that elevation required either separation or isolation.

As we grow, we gain wisdom and understanding. We must be willing to accept change and embrace it. Many things bring about change in our lives daily. I'm the mother to three beautiful children and am now engaged, so my life changes on a daily basis with my kids, school, work, and fiancé. We must set an example for change that can be carried on for generations. Some families do not take advantage of change because they are focused on being big shots. For example, if a woman is disrespectful to her man while dating, she will be disrespectful while engaged and then disrespectful while married. Then when she has kids, she will still disrespect him, and the kids will disrespect their daddy and grow up not respecting men in general. The woman's daughter will grow up to disrespect her boyfriend, fiancé, and husband! Do you see the pattern? At some point we have to break this cycle of rebellion and disrespect. Women scream, "There are no good men!" while bashing them with their words. You cannot build up while tearing down, so choose which one you will do.

At some point in our lives, we have to put away our childish ways and grow into our destinies. We must watch what comes out of our mouths and stop speaking the wrong things. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: they that love it, shall eat the fruits thereof," but many do not believe that we speak life and death to situations and people. Parents have to stop saying, "Oh, my child is bad," or "He will not be anything in life." If they don't, what will they get? Their children will grow up to be drunks or troublemakers.

If we love negativity, we will reap negative fruit; if we love positivity, we will reap positive fruit. The tongue is the most powerful member of the body. Some individuals cannot control their tongues and get into altercations or even killed. We must be slow to speak and quick to listen! We cannot fight fire with fire and expect a rainbow when the flames are put out.

The first of the Ten Commandments says to love and honor God with all our hearts. Tithes and offerings are considered worship. The devil schemes so that we will miss our blessings. Don't feed into or listen to negative things. Scripture says, "Seek and ye shall find." We speak things into existence. We should not stay bound or heavyhearted, but rather pray without ceasing.

The birth of my children changed my life. In becoming a parent, I learned that it was no longer about me anymore, but rather putting myself aside for others. With parenting come responsibility, sleepless days and nights, and sacrifice. I value and cherish my children with my whole heart. There is nothing more precious than carrying someone inside of you and loving that child before you even see him or her. Now that's love! No love is greater than a mother's love, which is unconditional and pure.

Enjoy the good things in your life while they are little, for one day they will be taken away. Matthew 12:34–35 says, "O generation of vipers, how can you speak good things, whereas you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of good treasure bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of an evil treasure bringeth forth evil things." The mouth speaks what the heart feels. We must be careful about our thoughts because whatever is on the inside will come out. God allows us to go through things so that we can speak what our hearts feel.

Kids are our main observers. We must present ourselves in a way that is pleasing to God and remember that our kids are watching our every move.

CHAPTER 2

Superpower of Love

The devil purposely attacks families to confuse, divide, and destroy love and communication. Relationships should be taken seriously, and children should be trained up so that when they are older, they shall not depart from it. Genesis 1:26–30 says that God wants us to be fruitful and multiply. Many may think, "How can I produce children whom I cannot support?" That's where faith enters in. No person is fully equipped to care for a child, but once the child is born, instinct takes over.

When individuals enter your life, they should add positivity to it and protect it. If there is subtraction and lack of growth, you must let go of those people.

God shows us how we should approach others, and we must be careful with whom we connect. We should connect with those similar to us, not with those who are so far off that we must reach them in so many ways. When God connects us with someone, it's for eternity. We do not go through life alone.

However, if people want to walk out of our lives, we must let them go. If they are willing to leave, their presence was not necessarily what God desired for our lives. We have to learn to let go and let God take control. Sometimes we tend to hold on to the things that God is trying to remove. We cannot enter a season of blessing if we are not willing to let go of the bad seeds. We often become uncomfortable and discouraged, but that is a sign that God is moving us into place for a blessing. Some people will never see us as good enough, but that is their shortcoming, not ours. We must be merciful to ourselves and cut them out of our lives. We must love ourselves first.

God established the family. We should turn our family over to God so that he can keep us. We should not be so quick to marry. We should take our time and get counseling to ensure that we are on the same page spiritually so that the seeds we sow will reap a harvest.

A man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife. A man that finds a woman finds a good thing. God created everything for a purpose. Marriages and families are under attack daily. The devil wants to break up the family, which is why there is so much division and confusion. Believe in the Word of God and know him for yourself. Believe that he can keep the family together, and go to him in prayer and war for your family! Love is our superpower, and it conquers all.

We have to wake up and pray for one another and our kids daily because the devil is busy and does not want the next generation to prosper and succeed. Do not give Satan the satisfaction by not praying for your kids. Cover your kids with the blood of Jesus daily, for the devil is wandering restlessly to take control of our loved ones. God says, "If you love me, keep my commandments." Without faith it is impossible to please him.

CHAPTER 3

Woman of Wisdom

In this chapter, women will receive golden nuggets of wisdom. We all desire a life of happiness with husbands sent from God. This will be your reality-check session! Grab your pen, because here you will check yourself before you check your husband. I hope this experience will enhance your relationship and humble your spirit toward your mate. I have learned that you cannot treat your spouse as you treat everyone else. Your relationship with your husband must be special, unique, and full of love and joy. But most of all, it must be built on a firm foundation that no one can break.

Golden Nugget 1: Be careful what you say about your spouse when you are angry. Once you are over it, other people may hold on to any negativity you expressed. Fight the impulse to bad-mouth your spouse.

Golden Nugget 2: "She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her" (Prov. 31:12).

Golden Nugget 3: At this point in your life, you are focusing on marriage and prospering in your relationship. There are some numbers you need to delete from your phone — you know which ones they are. Some relationships are threats to your marriage. Close those doors before you enter a situation you can't get out of.

Golden Nugget 4: You deal with stress as you go about your day, and so does your spouse. Comfort and pamper him daily.

Golden Nugget 5: Patience is a virtue. Let's practice being patient with our husbands.

Golden Nugget 6: Do not let your adornment be merely outward — arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Golden Nugget 7: Be patient when your spouse is being impatient with you. Don't underestimate how this right attitude will adjust your spouse's. Exude love and watch it change others. Do not do unto others as they do unto; do unto others how you expect them to do unto you.

Golden Nugget 8: "Love is patient, love is kind" (Cor. 13:14).

Golden Nugget 9: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. What God puts together no man shall put a sunder" (Gen. 2:24).

Golden Nugget 10: A good relationship is with someone who knows all of your insecurities and imperfections but still loves you for who you are. Value a good relationship, for a perfect relationship does not exist.

Golden Nugget 11: Turn your wounds into wisdom and your stumbling blocks into stepping stones. If you were hurt in previous relationships, leave that baggage where it was. You cannot build a new foundation if you are trying to do so with old stones.

Golden Nugget 12: Always be kinder than you feel. This is my absolute favorite! I must admit, my attitude when I am not in the mood for anything has been to seek solitude and silence. But I must remember that my spouse needs attention and affection from me that he looks forward to, so I am nice.

Golden Nugget 13: Thank him, appreciate him, praise him, and love him!

Golden Nugget 14: Express gratitude for what your spouse does for you. Express the love and gratitude daily; that will make life more richer and purposeful.

Golden Nugget 15: It will be difficult, it will take time, it will take sacrifice, and it will be worth it. No man is perfect!

Golden Nugget 16: Sometimes a rough start can lead to a perfect ending.

Golden Nugget 17: If you are wrong, admit it. It may not make things immediately better, but if you owe your husband an apology, give it up. It takes a big girl to say, "I'm sorry."

Golden Nugget 18: "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Cor. 13:7).

Golden Nugget 19: "And I will give them one heart, and one way, that they may fear me forever, for the good of them and of their children after them" (Jer. 32:39).

Golden Nugget 20: Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Our actions — how we treat our spouses, how we handle adversity — should reflect that. Let's not dim the light within that we boldly say we possess. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose" (Phil. 2:13).

Golden Nugget 21: If you really want your man to be great, don't speak to his weakness. See the greatness in him!

Golden Nugget 22: "Ladies ... An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips" (Prov. 24:26).

Golden Nugget 23: Make sure your decision making regarding your marriage and family lines up with God's will. Do not make moves out of desperation. Remember that his plans will never fail us. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" (Prov. 16:9).

Golden Nugget 24: Never forget to throw away the trash! Not the physical trash, but the trash outside of your relationship that will try to have a negative impact on it. Stay connected to God.

Golden Nugget 25: "A gentle answer turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1).

Golden Nugget 26: Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

Golden Nugget 27: Don't be so quick to compare your relationship to others. Every person is different, and so there are marriages. Agree upon what works for you and your spouse while allowing God to guide you. "Can two walk together unless they are agreed" (Amos 3:3)

Golden Nugget 28: When you find yourself losing patience and being snappy with your husband, ask the Lord to create in you a clean heart, and to renew the right spirit within you. As a follower in Christ, allow his light and love to shine through you.

Golden Nugget 29: How you treat your spouse is an extension of your love for God. Strengthening your relationship with the father will affect how you interact with your partner.

Golden Nugget 30: Do not make the mistake of turning your spouse out in the obsessive need to be heard. Listening shows that you care about how he feels as well.

Golden Nugget 31: "A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones" (Prov. 12:4).

Golden Nugget 32: Realize that you cannot change your husband. He may have little quirks about him that you may not like, just as he will have things about you he doesn't like. Love him anyhow. Shift your focus to what really matters.

Golden Nugget 33: How you respond to issues in your marriage determines your level of faith. Don't be discouraged when you mess up. Continue to exercise your faith to build your strength for those difficult moments. "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small" (Prov. 24:10).

Golden Nugget 34: A woman who supports her man supports her future. You should want to help him where he's going because it will be beneficial to you and your household.

Golden Nugget 35: God heals broken marriages. When is the last time you read the Bible and prayed together? It's never too late to start keeping the faith! We all fall short, but we must lift up one another in love and unity.

Golden Nugget 36: Every conflict that you go through in a relationship has an element of pride mixed into it. Get rid of pride and allow all your "I" moment to become "we."

Golden Nugget 37: Are you listening to the whole story, or are you listening for the hole in the story? Let no one bad mouth your spouse, for you are the backbone!

Golden Nugget 38: A praying couple is a power couple!

Golden Nugget 39: Marriage should suck the selfishness out of you. Be kind and remember that what was once yours is now for the both of you!

Golden Nugget 40: It is not silly or weak when you continue to love your spouse while he is not loving or treating you properly. Always implement the commandment of loving your neighbor as yourself, regardless.

Golden Nugget 41: Look for the good in each other and give sincere compliments daily.

CHAPTER 4

Renew Your Spirit

In this chapter you will answer a series of questions regarding yourself, your spouse, and your children (if applicable). It's time to rebuild the family unit, restore relationships, renew spirits, and strengthen spiritual lives. It is never too late for your spirit to be renewed. The Lord is able to make you over again. With these questions and answers, you will see what needs improvement and what areas of your life have grown. Be honest with yourself; do not try to make yourself look good with deception.

1. When you and your spouse have a disagreement, how do you both work it out? What has been the one thing that brings about frequent arguments? How can you ensure your spouse that you both can move past the issue? ___________________________________________________

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2. How do you handle those who try to bring baggage into your relationship? ___________________________________________________

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3. When you feel your spouse is neglecting you, what steps do you take in explaining to him that you need to be closer to him? ___________________________________________________

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4. It is important to make your husband feel wanted. Let him know how much he is appreciated. How do you make your husband feel wanted? Are you secure that these things satisfy him? ___________________________________________________

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5. Fasting for your marriage can change things around. How often do you fast? Do you think your fasting helps your relationship? ___________________________________________________

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(Continues...)

Excerpted from Restore, Refresh, & Rebuild by I'Jale L. Wilkerson. Copyright © 2015 I'Jale L. Wilkerson. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Publication date: 2015
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1504922522
• ISBN 13: 9781504922524
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 76