We Reap What We Sow: Modeling Positive Adulthood for Adolescents - Softcover

Nordholm, PhD Anne W.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1475989563 ISBN 13: 9781475989564

Publisher: iUniverse, 2013

Synopsis

As anyone who lives, works, or spends any time with teenagers knows, adolescence can be both the best of times and the worst of times. Teenagers are undergoing miraculous, world-altering shifts. In light of these changes, how can society help adolescents move safely from teen to adult? How can adults and adolescents engage with each other in ways that are positive and mutually beneficial to one another's journeys? In We Reap What We Sow, author Dr. Anne W. Nordholm blends philosophical and educational approaches to demonstrate how you can cocreate an abundant future and help you guide a young person toward an engaging and meaningful adult life. She first describes what it means to know ourselves and the difference that knowledge can make. She then offers strategies that, when modeled by adults, adolescents absorb not from what we say but how we behave. Every person must figure out a life that is individual, is connected to a community, and has a particular historical context. This guide explores how we know and connect to our communities and how historical consciousness assists us in finding and creating meaningful work. It also considers how we can be better guides to the next generation via skilled and disciplined communication and reconsiders the institutions we've established for adolescent learning to better reflect what we understand as effective adult maturation. Through the strategies presented in We Reap What We Sow, adults can help youth navigate adolescence to become healthy, thriving human beings.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

We Reap What We Sow

Modeling Positive Adulthood for Adolescents

By Anne W. Nordholm

iUniverse LLC

Copyright © 2013 Anne W. Nordholm, PhD
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4759-8956-4

Contents

Introduction...............................................................
ix
Chapter 1: Know Yourself...................................................
1
Chapter 2: Understand the Necessity of Community...........................
29
Chapter 3: Adapt to the Changing Dynamics of History, Vitality, and Work...
51
Chapter 4: Communicate across Boundaries...................................
89
Chapter 5: Redesign Learning Environments to Inspire Adolescents...........
113
Epilogue: Now What?........................................................
157
Bibliography...............................................................
167
Index......................................................................
179

CHAPTER 1

Know Yourself

* * *

Make sure that [the device] is set up properly and connected to the network.

Before calling for service, review this list. It may save you time andexpense. This list includes common occurrences that are not theresult of defective workmanship or materials in [this device].

If [the device] is not operating, be sure the plug is pushed firmlyinto the electrical outlet and that the device is turned "on."

These samples are text from real user's guides. It seems that, increasingly,over the forty years that I have accumulated owner's manuals andmanufacturer's instructions for devices, the distributors of such documentshave added longer and more explicit troubleshooting tips to their booklets,which are usually prefaced by, "Before you contact our customer servicedepartment ..."

Now imagine that every time our lives get a little out of whack, weare able to consult an owner's manual for possible solutions to the currentoperational crisis. Believe it or not, human beings come equipped withmanufacturer's instructions and complementary troubleshooting guides.Though these remedies are not found in the convoluted, overly technicaltext of guides for technological gadgets and household appliances, we canengage our physical and nonphysical feedback systems to tell us whensomething is off. We can also use our skills of learning, creating, andadapting to get ourselves back "on" and operating in alignment again.We gain access to our self-contained and externally reinforced owner'smanuals by becoming self-aware and proficient in learning, creating, andadapting. Knowing oneself is the pathway to the owner's manual andsmooth operating.

The shuffled and dramatic version of the "owner's manual" isusually introduced to human beings in adolescence. Based on varyingcircumstances, the manual could be dumped on us all at once. In othercases, the manual comes more incrementally—chapter by chapter, sentenceby sentence. It all depends on the unique, nontransferable journey of eachlife. For example, in normal development, at around the onset of puberty,an adolescent's brains, hormones, physicality, and emotions reorganizein ways that highlight the contrast of being a member of a group as wellas a separate and unique individual. This realization is at once terrifyingand liberating. Anyone who remembers his or her own adolescence, hasparented adolescents, or has spent much time with them can speak to thetrapeze ride between autonomy and belonging that marks the adolescentpassage, a particularly challenging chapter of the owner's manual.

I remember when our son went through a challenging phase inhis early teen years when, according to his values, he had to be seenin acceptable, brand-name clothing—regardless of the cost or who waspaying for it. From his perspective, his identity demanded it. I gave greatspeeches about balancing individuality and peer pressure with a dash offinancial responsibility, but the line between autonomy and belonging wasnarrow and constantly changing. Paradoxically, it was essential to look likeeveryone else while individuating—the proverbial keeping up with theadolescent Joneses. We all know adults who are still working to reconcilethis duality of self and group, apparently having missed or misunderstoodthis chapter of the owner's manual.

Based on the work of José Ortega y Gasset and the other thinkersincluded in this book, being an authentic adult human being includesliving one's life mindful of one's design. By design I do not mean a linearpursuit of perfection. The assumption here is that human design is aflexible, dynamic tension among three components: learning, creation, andadaptation. These three design elements are common to all living systemsand serve life's intention of alignment and expansion with a universeof infinite energy. These dynamic system processes fluctuate betweencontrasting phenomena such as infinite/finite, death/birth, bliss/struggle,freedom/enslavement, ritual/novelty, and capacity/passion. Discoveringone's identity along these continua happens as a person engages with andresponds to his or her circumstances. Each of us attempts to reconcilethese tensions, and by doing so we consciously evolve ourselves to thrivein increasingly complex environments and with increasing understandingof our own alignment with possibility. The more we expand and evolve,the more we understand the owner's manual and the more self-aware webecome.

As early as 1914 in Meditations on Quixote, Ortega began to explorehis philosophical stance that individuals are not separate from theircircumstances. His now-famous philosophical premise—"I am I and mycircumstances"—provides a useful lens for revealing and pursuing thegeneral attributes of an authentic, self-determining adult. For Ortega,human being and becoming was all about what happens as each personnegotiates between the necessities of our physical world and the freedomof our nonphysical world. A human self who is fused with his or hercircumstances is, for Ortega, the most essential owner's manual tip forunderstanding the human "device."

The world is designed to expose contrasts and compel choices. By thesecontrasts, life reveals to us, individually and collectively, the harmoniousfunctioning and the discordant malfunctioning of human life. In turn, theexperiences and insights of life help one to have preferences and to choosepaths aligned with learning, creating, and adapting that satisfy the wantsand needs of the physical and the nonphysical self. In this process of self-awarenessand evolution, each person comes to accept and reject previousassumptions and beliefs that he or she and the community held.

For example, in the early twentieth century, many scientists andphilosophers began to seek clarifications and deeper distinctions in thehuman instruction manual and imagine the possibilities of human life froma quantum perspective rather than a Newtonian perspective. Beginningwith (and going beyond) Einstein's exploration of reality, a notion ofquantum fields has been permeating the thinking about matter, energy,their relationship, and the implications for understanding what it meansto be human.

Quantum theory is based on the idea that reality is iterations ofboundless energy that is interconnected across space and time. Thisquantum field of reality, considered to be all energy coexisting in timeand space, suggests that a self's probabilities and all potential experiencesare limited merely by what we can imagine and allow into consciousness.The natural cycle of learning, creating, and adapting is consistent with andbetter understood using a quantum interpretation.

A quantum perspective significantly influences one's understandingabout cause, effect, and agency. If we are connected to everything inthe quantum field, then we are connected to all knowledge and wisdomin a dimension beyond physical space and time. Proximity of time andspace, which are limiting variables in Newtonian-model physics, no longerdetermine reality because our reality is now considered to be organizedpatterns of energy and information that are unified with everything in thequantum field.

Consistent with Ortega's early understanding of quantum theories, JoeDispenza (2012) in Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose YourMind and Create a New One suggests that each of us is a distinct energypattern. Our specific histories, circumstances, physiologies, personalities,and experiences inform our personal webs of existence. While humanbeings share common attributes, individual energy patterns have uniqueaspects that get pushed and pulled. Each person will necessarily strugglewith distinguishing his or her own unique energy alignments from thoseassumed or inherited from family and community. One example of thisis the way a person "chooses" his or her religion. Many children inheritand pursue the rituals of a particular religion without checking in withthemselves about its appropriateness or alignment with their lives. Someyoung adults reject the religion of their parents using the exact same lack ofprocess. It is through self-awareness and intentional choice that the valueswe embrace and live by are aligned with who we really are or not.

Our personal webs of existence, our energy, are shaped by our choicesand perceptions and, in turn, shape the energy that is seemingly externalto us. We are in a perpetual, existential energy dance of nonphysicalenergy and physical energy. As Dispenza (2012) asserts, "Mind andmatter are completely entangled. Your consciousness (mind) has effectson energy (matter) because your consciousness is energy and energy hasconsciousness. You are powerful enough to influence matter because atthe most elementary level, you are energy with a consciousness. You aremindful matter" (KL 543–545).

Dispenza goes on to explain that the entanglement of our consciousnesswith the physical world requires that we accept the unknown as a necessaryand equal partner in our lives. "This principle asks us to lay down whatwe think we know, surrender to the unknown, then observe the effects inthe form of feedback in our lives. And that is the best way we learn" (KL805–811).

Dispenza concurs that one of the tasks of being human is seekingalignment, at which point our behaviors synchronize with our aspirationsand our actions manifest our desires. "When our minds and our bodiesare working together, when our words and our deeds are aligned ... thereis an immense power behind any individual" (KL 1083–1084). We arereassured that we are operating according to the manufacturer's designwhen we have the sense of ease and fluidity in the world and when we havethe feeling that "this is right."

How do we arrive at this synchronized level of self-awareness wheneach life emerges onto a stage already filled with players, specific dialogue,expectations, and assumptions? There is a rather "dis-integrating" effect ofthe phenomenon that we enter into an already furnished life. The challengefor each of us is to learn to recognize within our circumstances the choicesthat are consistent with ourselves versus those options that are imposedon us and that need to be culled or reconfigured. We have all heard theurban legend of the woman who, for years, lops off the end of the hambefore cooking it. As the story goes, when her daughter comes of age andbecomes responsible for cooking the holiday ham, a debate ensues as to thecause and reality of lopping off ends of hams. As it turns out, the woman'sgrandmother began the "tradition" because her ham did not fit in herinherited roasting pan. Not only had she inherited an insufficient pan, shealso had inherited and passed on for generations a belief that was based inpragmatism, not some ideal of human best practices.

An example from my own life involves men wearing hats inside homesand restaurants. I know, I know—who cares? However, as a child andyoung adult, I heard my parents' and grandparents' discussions that ledme to believe that this behavior is rude and insulting to the hosts of theevent or owners of the restaurant. I am now hardwired to bristle at the sightof someone wearing a hat indoors, especially at a dining table. Our son'sgeneration has a different conversation about hats during dining—no bigdeal! No matter how I may attempt to reign in my judgments intellectually,I am conditioned in how I think about this act, knowing full well that ithas been imposed on me from some other generation's understanding ofsocial class.

Self-awareness toward alignment is not always fun or easy.Distinguishing my beliefs that are my own from those that I have merelyreceived without question is difficult. In fact, many circumstances in lifenudge a person to abdicate his or her freedom to respond authentically (inalignment). For example, mass media today projects others' beliefs andvalues on audiences at record levels. How many commercials are squeezedinto a show? If the average person watches four to six hours of televisionper day, that is a lot of influencing tastes and preferences. In a consumereconomy, mass media sells citizens an understanding of the world thatsuggests that personal consciousness or self-determination is not required.Advertising and commercial programming suggest that there is a commonstandard of an abundant life to which each of us is entitled. In addition, ifone merely buys the product, engages the services, or follows the program,he will find himself blissfully aligned with an abundant universe. Afterall, it is uncomfortable, hard work to stay conscious and deliberate aboutfinding oneself. The accepted standards of human being and doing arebroadcast by cultural media and can become a default identity waiting forthe unconscious. A default identity will simply mirror the readily availabledominant (and heavily marketed) alignment identity of the society. Aperson may feel actualized even though, in reality, he or she is merelywearing the ideological wardrobe of others.

The unfolding and development of any authentic, self-determinedlife is partly influenced by the degree to which the person invests in self-awarenessand the discovery of his or her unique alignment with the energystructures of learning, creating, and adapting. Self-awareness should be anatural and liberating process so that the activities of learning, creating,and adapting are connected and intentional. Branching into unknownterritories can evoke feelings of vulnerability and fear. Unfortunately,human beings have the ability to minimize the experience of fear by goingunconscious, which is a defense mechanism that takes all sorts of shapesand forms and is used to protect us from vulnerability and fear. The mostcommon forms of unconsciousness include numbing oneself with food,alcohol, television, work, days filled with moment-to-moment activities,and so on.

As individuated creatures, we have a mechanism for self-referral. Wehuman beings are equipped with a way to check in with ourselves toknow whether what we are about to choose is sincerely in sync with whowe say we are and who we intend to become as material and nonmaterialbeings. We have five senses that give us feedback about pain and pleasurein the external world, and these senses help us survive peril and thrive inmaterial gratification. We are also equipped with a feedback system for ourinterior world—our emotions. With awareness and practice, we are ableto refer to our physical and nonphysical feedback systems for orientationand guidance.

As socialized creatures, we have a tendency to turn wisdom fromself-referral into reference points for others. We struggle with the idea ofour unique journeys when we assume that something that is true for usmust be true for all. In our well-intentioned desire to serve our intuitivesense to survive as a group, we tend to enshrine standards of alignmentthat seem to evidently apply to all successful lives. While learning is anatural design process, each learner needs to learn, create, and adapt alongpersonal existential lines. So while all humans will wrangle with life'smany dualties (e.g., infinite/finite, bliss/struggle, freedom/enslavement,ritual/novelty, capacity/passion), each person's struggle will be somewhatunique because the circumstances or context of each struggle is personal,nontransferable, and compelling to that individual life. These hazardsand available options for the quest and reconciliation are revealed andconcealed along the unique energy pattern that each life is. Therefore,while witnessing examples, sharing experiences, and exchanging wisdomare useful, each individual life needs sufficient liberty to navigate its uniquealignment.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from We Reap What We Sow by Anne W. Nordholm. Copyright © 2013 Anne W. Nordholm, PhD. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: iUniverse
• Publication date: 2013
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1475989563
• ISBN 13: 9781475989564
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 216