The Empowered Parent: Six Simple Steps to Help Your Struggling Child Succeed - Softcover

Maitland, Beverly

Softcover

ISBN 10: 147597504X ISBN 13: 9781475975048

Publisher: iUniverse, 2013

Synopsis

In every corner of the world, where there is a school, there is a struggling child. From Boston to Bangkok, from New York to the Netherlands, from the East Coast to the West Coast, students struggle in schools. In The Empowered Parent, author, parent, and teacher Beverly Maitland shares six basic but powerful strategies to help your child succeed in school, one hour at a time. Beverly Maitland provides real-family examples, guiding parents into a strategic and unique plan suitable for each family, no matter what circumstances surround their lives. Seeking to help children from birth through high school, she shares simple secrets that can empower parents to understand who they are as parents and what power they naturally have within them to value their responsibilities and to lead their children to a life of success beyond the classroom. Filled with techniques and usable information, The Empowered Parent communicates that every outstanding achievement may come with considerable sacrifi ce and diffi cult struggles, in which the parent and the child must be equal participants. Even so, just one hour of consistency each day can turn your child away from the path of defeat and toward the mark of success.

About this title

About the Author

Beverly Maitland is a mother of three and an educator who has taught in the United States and the Caribbean. She holds a doctorate in Education and is always ready to share her passion for learning and her best parenting strategies with parents.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

The EMPOWERED Parent

Six Simple Steps to Help Your Struggling Child Succeed

By Beverly Maitland

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2013 Beverly Maitland
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4759-7504-8

Contents

INTRODUCTION...............................................................
ix
SECTION 1: EMPOWER YOURSELF................................................
1
Chapter 1: The Realities of Schools........................................
3
Chapter 2: Powerful Parenting..............................................
7
Chapter 3: The Truth about Struggles 14....................................
Chapter 4: The Reasons Students Struggle—I.................................
20
Chapter 5: The Reasons Students Struggle—II................................
27
Chapter 6: The Reasons Students Struggle—III...............................
35
Chapter 7: Discouraged Parents.............................................
40
SECTION 2: EMPOWER YOUR CHILD..............................................
53
Chapter 8: The Breakthrough................................................
55
Chapter 9: Gather Data.....................................................
69
Chapter 10: Develop a Plan.................................................
73
SECTION 3: STRATEGIZE......................................................
81
Chapter 11: Strategies for the Pre-Elementary Student......................
83
Chapter 12: Strategies for the Elementary Student..........................
94
Chapter 13: Strategies to Help the High School Student.....................
108
Chapter 14: Teach Good Habits..............................................
118
Chapter 15: Challenging Children...........................................
130
Chapter 16: Spirituality: The Other Side of Academics......................
149
SECTION 4: WITNESS SUCCESS.................................................
157
Chapter 17: Embrace Success................................................
159
Chapter 18: The Triumphant End.............................................
165
APPENDIX...................................................................
175
Assignment Track Sheet.....................................................
177
Organizational Checklist...................................................
179
Internet Resources.........................................................
181

CHAPTER 1

THE REALITIES OF SCHOOLS

You send your child to the schoolmaster,but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In every corner of the universe, where there is a school, there is astruggling child. From Boston to Bangkok, from New York to theNew Delhi, from Costa Rica to Canada, and from even the bestschools in Singapore to the worst schools in Africa, students struggle.Life, by nature, is a struggle. Schools and the school systems are partof living, and hence, derive their struggles from the political, economicand moral struggles that are in our society. The evidences have neverbeen more vivid that schools, as educational entities are places ofstruggle. Schools, just like the outside world, are places of wherestudents compete for success and competefor survival. As academic facilities,ideally, schools exist for students to getan education. However, the elements thatdesign schools need in-depth analysisand understanding. On the surface, theassumption is that schools are goodplaces.

Through the positive eye, we may see schools in the following ways:

* Places of nurture, discovery and excitement.

* Within schools, students gain lifetime experiences and createlasting friendships.

* The school is a place of transformation, a mighty hand thatshapes and molds the child into a positive and productive citizenin society.

* The path of schooling gives parents hope that children will turnout to be something in life.

* Schools also cultivate character and build leaders.

* Schools also cheer and encourage students throughout life'sinevitable journey.

* Schooling helps to lessen the struggle up the social ladder.

These familiar statements echo the theorized philosophy, missionand vision statements of many schools. This is the norm, the expectationof schools. However, there are deviations from the norm, too many toignore. In actuality, the makeup of schools and school systems could bemore detrimental than beneficial to your child. Consequently, we haveto examine schools though the lens of the negative eye. An in-depthscrutiny of schools would therefore reveal that:

* Schools are not only places to get an education.

* They are the construction houses for poor character building.

* They challenge willpower, and they profile and label the child.

* They can sometimes operate as factories for poor characterbuilding.

* Within schools there are instances of suicides and homicides,gangs are present, bullying is common and depression and lowself-esteem are prevalent.

If one can find it in the street, he can find it in the schools. Theschool is a microcosm of its local society. Therefore, whatever happensin society happens inside the school. In other words, the societytranslates its atmosphere to the school, both in the positive and negativelight. Still the school is a place of promise; concurrently, I am sure youwill agree that the abundance of dichotomies makes it a scary place aswell.

Nevertheless, despite a problematic education system and the issuessurrounding our schools, as parents, we can still mitigate the negativesin order to direct the success of our children. In fact, over the years,there have been many desperate calls for parents to take charge of theirchildren's education. This is another attempt to encourage parents torealize that schools are the testing grounds for moral stamina. In orderto succeed, children need parents with a participatory purpose becausethe future of children rests heavily in thevictories of their schooling experiences.Parents with such a purpose may be theonly factor that can counteract thenegativity that is inherent behind thewalls of schools. Active and involvedparenting makes the only differencebetween the positive and the negativeattitudes that children can assimilate fromschools.

Analytically, the call for parents to take charge has echoed over theyears. Unfortunately, not many schools provide strategies that induceparental involvement. Some schools do not realize that many parentsneed lessons on parenting itself. The society expects parents to knowwhat to do in every situation, and how to handle these challenges.Therefore, to help parents learn more about struggling children thisdiscussion has the following objectives:

1) To explain who are struggling children.

2) To identify the reasons children struggle.

3) To share strategies that parents can use to promote success.

The answers to the countless issues in school systems and familiesare innumerable. The book's intention is to be a quick parental guide.For parents who are struggling with parenting, for parents who want tobecome better at their responsibilities, for parents who have a strugglingchild, and for parents who have no idea who they are, or what else to do,this is the place to start. Simply put, there is something here for everyparent.

CHAPTER 2

POWERFUL PARENTING

Let him that would move the world,first move himself.

Socrates

Children can succumb to the negative or the positive extremes ofschool. Besides yielding to the positive or the negative, childrencan also become neutral. The latter is perhaps worse than beingpositive or negative because passivity does not create leaders. In otherwords, students can yield to the pressure of gangs; they can drop outof school. Students could also yield to the positive side by achievinggood grades and exhibiting leadership skills in school. Then there arethose students, who seem to be in a trance. They walk around the schoollike zombies, having no definite purpose or rationalization for theircircumstances, and no vision or dreams for a path in life. What makesthe difference in these students' attitudes is often the parent.

Therefore, from a parent to a parent, where your child ends up,depends more on the parent, and not so much on the school or the society.This is because; a child can succeed inany environment when nurtured by astrong and positive parent. That is why, Ican say this with all certainty, no matterhow terrible a teacher is, it is not onlythe teacher's fault that your child failsor struggle. Parents have the power tobe the most influential element, whenthey are alert and involved from the verybeginning of their child's education.Moreover, the work of parenting begins from the womb, and includesboth the mother and the father to be.

However, let us be cautious that being the conduit of birth does notsatisfy the requirement for parenting. Any male or female with healthand physical capabilities can impregnate, or become pregnant and beara child. That is motherhood and fatherhood. However,

* Parenting is a higher, nobler and more spiritual task.

* Parenting is the sweetest endowment of ownership. It ishonorable when a parent can say with pride, "that's my son" or"that's my daughter."

* Parenting gives off the comforting incense of immovablecommitment, unconditional but firm love, and genuine praise.

* A parent is the solace during failure, the hope during dismay,and the tower during weakness.

* A parent is friendship when the world becomes the enemy.

* Parents criticize so that their children can grow.

* Parents break down and build up their children as they passthrough the phases of life.

* Parents do not give children the easy way out of problems;they provide guidance to the sensible way out of problems.

* Parents do not always provide answers; they give direction.

* Parenting is not perfection. Parenting is a promise ofpermanence; a vigil lit in the background signifying constancythat I am here no matter what.

Here is the crucial question, have you been a parent to your child?Have you taken this dignified duty to heart? Parents are like servantsin the king's castle. Just as servants serve the king, so parents servetheir children, respectfully. Simultaneously, parents are also the kingsand queens in the castle who take care of citizens, provide guidanceand ensure that residents are happy in the kingdom. Parents switchroles, depending on the situation. Parents are not just teachers. Theyare also police officers. They work the night shift; they are designers,economists, politicians, etc. If you name a role in the respectableprofessional arena, you can match it to parenting.

Now, are you fathoming the extent of power and responsibilityinherent in choosing to become a parent? Why then, do you take it solightly? It is now time to change the path if you have not been travellingthe right road. Parents, if you slipped off, get back on the path now;and for those parents who have steadily travelled the road, through hail,snow, sleet and thunderstorms, good job. The reward is in the future. Forthose who want to step up to the task of parenting, join the race, take thebaton, and never lose the baton. Your reward is also forthcoming.

Questions Parents Should Ask

As parents, let us then analyze what we are doing for our children.Some parents are doing super jobs as parents. Some are trying hard, butfailing; some do not know where to start, and some just do not have thewill power. Therefore, it does not matter that a parent has excellentparenting skills, there is always something to learn to enhance theseskills, and as I said, this is a good starting place. If parents want theirchildren to end up reaping the benefits,instead of yielding to the negative, this isthe time to turn around. Let us look to seeas parents what you are doing for yourchildren. Even after abandoning parenthood,it is never too late to assume yourparental responsibility. The task will bemore difficult, but it will never be toolate; the power is still yours.

Before we begin, parents need to answer some pertinent questions. Goahead and write down the answers to these questions.

1) Which child are you representing? Think about your child orchildren. It does not matter how many children you have; thatis not the point. If you are reading this information so that youcan become a better parent, then who are the children who needyour help? What are the characteristics that define them?

2) Where do you see that child 3 years, or 5 years, or 10 yearsfrom now? Do you see him completing school successfully,having attained certain skills, and satisfying a fulfilling role insociety? Do you see your child out of your house into his ownapartment, working, earning, finishing school, etc? What areyour hopes for your child?

3) What do you see your child overcoming? Think about it becausethis will be indispensable to the rest of this discourse. Rememberthis question is not asking if you envision your child being adoctor or architect. Question 2 is asking what parents wouldwant for children. However, this question is asking, what kind ofpersonal achievements would parents hope to see in their child.Perhaps it is being more self confident, choosing better friends,becoming more organized, overcoming a fear, etc.

4) Have you done everything to help your child meet these goalsin questions 2 and 3? Are you engaged in the events of yourchild's life, steering him towards success?

5) What is preventing you from helping your child to succeed?

Parents, if you have not answeredthese questions, do so and come up withsome answers. These guiding questionswill dictate your actions towards yourchild's success. Some parents may feelthat they cannot answer such questionsbecause life may sometimes be a mixedup combination of haphazard outcomes,but that is hardly the case. Life is also an ordered process of structuredoutcomes, but the life we lead is up to us. How structured your lifeis, depends on you. Yes, we know that unexpected events happenbeyond human control, but in the average situation, life, when ordered,yields fruitful outcomes even amidst tough challenges. The struggle ofOlympians is the perfect parallel to the struggle of academics. ManyOlympians experience harsh struggles and make numerous sacrificesjust to win a medal. Likewise, in order to achieve academic or anypersonal success, struggle and sacrifice is inevitable. Have you read orheard someone say, "From I knew myself I wanted to be a policeman" or"I knew I wanted to be a doctor?" Some people just know where they aregoing in life, and nothing hinders their journey.

Each man, each woman, each child may ask himself the samequestions, but the answers typically vary. Therefore, in parenting, thereis never a single path for your child, a single process and a single result.Living is a race against time that everybody runs, but winning or losingis a personal decision. Please understand that no one can win the raceagainst time itself. The myth society believes is that we are racingagainst each other, hence, our attitudes towards one another. Living isnot a race against humankind because it is impossible for everybody towin the same prize. It is impossible for everyone to be at the same pointin the race. The nature of humanity dictates otherwise. However, living,which is the race against time, is a daily competition with self. Everyday we age and we try to accomplish certain goals before a given age.Hence, we race against time. This competition encourages us to becomebetter than who we were yesterday. This competition motivates us toachieve more than we had yesterday, to progress with age so that upondeath, we would have lived the fullest that we allowed ourselves to live.This is one of the reasons for existence, to live a full and meaningful lifeuntil the inevitable hands of death summon us to the grave. That is whytrue education does not end after high school or college. True educationbegins at birth and ends at death. Once birth occurs, the hands of timestart clicking, and competition with self begins.

Parents who are already in the race are there to train and coachchildren for this competition. When we have families, the race becomesa relay. Parents fall out the race and pass the baton to their children. Ifparents fail in the arena of coaching and training their children, theylose time. With time the competition against self becomes harder to winbecause, training began late. Bad habits already take root. Children donot learn self worth; they do not learn their value in the world. Theydevelop low self-esteem; they get low grades and the list continues.

Each person is in a personal competition, a personal race withtime. The beauty is that we can achieve so much with every minute wehave. The sad part is that we do not use those seconds well. However,those minutes are what parenting is about. Customize your time basedon your child needs, not based on mine, or somebody else's. Amidstour similarities, our differences separate us into individuals withindividual goals. Therefore, we need to ask questions for the purposeof self-evaluation and to guide the future. In this way, we can win therace against time, and beat the competitionagainst ourselves. The problem in this worldis that people think that the competition isagainst somebody else. Yes, there areshortages, unemployment, sickness andpoverty, which are common hurdles in therace. However, the following statementswill become the motivator, bear them inmind and teach them to your children:

* Obstacles are part of life.

* A competition is not a competition without a challenge.

* Overcoming challenges is the heart of our victories.

* The more challenges we overcome, the better we become.

This is a lot to chew. Parents, it may take time to reshape yourthoughts, especially when your natural thought is to teach your childrento become better than someone else. No! Teach your child to becomebetter than his last self, which is why every human has his own path totravel. As an example, let us look at the steps of progression for twochildren.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The EMPOWERED Parent by Beverly Maitland. Copyright © 2013 Beverly Maitland. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Edition details

• Publisher: iUniverse
• Publication date: 2013
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 147597504X
• ISBN 13: 9781475975048
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 198