Bluff Your Way in Teaching
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Nick Yapp first went to a little school run by Miss Wills and Miss Fuller, who were nice and kind and didn't hit anybody. Then he went to a bigger school run by Mr Springman, who was cruel and sadistic and hit everybody.
Then he went to a much bigger school, for big boys, where everybody hit everybody. By failing exams he took so long to get a degree in Law he avoided National Service. After that he taught in a variety of schools before moving to Special Education. From 1971 to 1979, with a year off to get an MA in Child Development, he taught in a school for maladjusted children. In 1980 he became Head of another maladjusted school, but resigned ten months later because he couldn't stand the Deputy Head, the DFEE inspector, and the fact that the Schoolkeeper's dog was called 'Nigger'.
He returned to his previous school in 1981, and since then has gradually moved out of teaching into writing, slipping joyfully backwards down the promotional ladder with delightful ease.
His interests are music, cooking and cricket, and his ambitions are to visit dozens of countries and to make Catford the Cultural Centre of Western Europe. Both may take a little time.
He receives tremendous help and encouragement from his wife and children, all of whom he loves in a somewhat soppy fashion.
It is one of life's richer ironies that, although you are employed as a teacher, you are judged as a police officer. If the children fail to make any academic progress, that may be passed off as their fault. If they shout, spit, throw things, fight, and run in and out of the classroom, that's your fault.
Bluffer's Guides is a series of snappy little books containing facts, jargon, and all you need to know for instant expertise.
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