The Anatomy of Dependence - Softcover

Doi, Takeo

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0870114948 ISBN 13: 9780870114946

Publisher: Kodansha America, Inc, 1982

Synopsis

This work offers insights, not only into the character of Japan but into the nuances of dependancy relationships. It is an analysis of amae, the indulging, passive love which supports an individual within a group, and a key concept in Japanese psychology.

About this title

Review

"Sensitive, original, and penetrating." -Robert J. Lifton, M.D., Yale University "A major contribution to the science of human behavior in general and to psychotherapy in particular." -William P. Lebra. University of Hawaii "An extraordinary insight into the Japanese character." -S. I. Hayakawa "Perhaps the first book by a Japanese trained in psychiatry to have an impact on Western psychiatric thinking." -Ezra VogeI, Harvard University --Harvard University

From the Publisher

[The first section, abridged, from Chapter 2; minus original macrons.]

2. THE WORLD OF AMAE

The fact that, as we have already seen in the preceding chapter, the word amae is, as a word, peculiar to the Japanese language yet describes a psychological phenomenon that is basically common to mankind as a whole shows not only how especially familiar the psychology in question is to the Japanese but also that the Japanese social structure is formed in such a way as to permit expression of that psychology. This implies in turn that amae is a key concept for the understanding not only of the psychological makeup of the individual Japanese but of the structure of Japanese society as a whole. The emphasis on vertical relationships that social anthropologist Nakane Chie[21] recently stipulated as characteristic of the Japanese-type social structure could also be seen as an emphasis on amae. One might be justified, even, in seeing the susceptibility to amae as the cause of this emphasis on vertical relationships. In the following pages I hope to show, by examining a number of terms that have a definitive influence on the Japanese outlook, just how deeply Japanese society is permeated by the concept of amae.

The vocabulary of amae

The word amae itself is far from being an isolated expression of the amae psychology in the Japanese language. A large number of other words give expression to the same psychology. The adjective amai, for example, is used not only in the sense of "sweet" to the taste, but also as a description of a man's character: thus if A is said to be amai to B, it means that he allows B to amaeru, i.e. to behave self-indulgently, presuming on some special relationship that exists between the two. It is also said that a person's view of a situation is amai, which means that it is excessively optimistic, without a proper grasp of the realities at stake, the cause of this misapprehension, presumably, being that the person concerned is allowing wishful thinking (a form of self-indulgence) to get the better of his judgment. In the same way the word amanzuru, defined by the dictionaries as to be satisfied with something, to put up with it because there is no better alternative, could surely be interpreted as someone's allowing himself to feel that he is being self-indulgent when in fact the situation does not really call for it. The best thing, in short, is to be able to indulge the desire for amae, but when that is not possible one makes do with amanzuru.

Next, there is a group of words such as suneru, higamu, hinekureru, and uramu that relate to various states of mind brought about by the inability to amaeru. Suneru (to be sulky) occurs when one is not allowed to be straightforwardly self-indulgent, yet the attitude comprises in itself a certain degree of that same self-indulgence. Futekusareru and yakekuso ni naru (indicating, respectively, the attitudes of defiance and irresponsibility in speech or behavior associated with a "fit of the sulks,") are two phenomena that arise as a result of suneru. Higamu (to be suspicious or jaundiced in one's attitude), which involves laboring under the delusion that one is being treated unjustly, has its origins in the failure of one's desire for indulgence to find the expected response. Hinekureru (to behave in a distorted, perverse way) involves feigning indifference to the other instead of showing amae. Under the surface one is, in fact, concerned with the other's reaction; although there appears to be no amae, it is there, basically, all the time. Uramu (to show resentment toward or hatred of) means that rejection of one's amae has aroused feelings of hostility; this hostility has a complexity, not present in simple hatred, that shows how closely it is linked with the amae psychology. I recall how, during the meeting mentioned earlier with M. Balint in 1964, he was fascinated to hear that in Japanese there was not only an everyday word corresponding to his "passive object love" but a word -- uramu -- expressing the special type of hostility arising from its frustration.

Next, we must examine words such as tanomu, toriiru, kodawaru, kigane, wadakamari, and tereru. The word tanomu is discussed by R. P. Dore in his City Life in Japan,[22] in which he singles it out for mention as a word with a sense roughly midway between the English "to ask" and "to rely on," implying that one is entrusting some matter concerning oneself personally to another person in the expectation that he will handle it in a manner favorable to oneself. Dore's interpretation is completely correct. Tanomu, in other words, means nothing other than "I hope you will permit my self-indulgence." Next, toriiru means to curry favor with the other man as a means of achieving one's own ends; it is a method of permitting oneself to amaeru while appearing to allow it to the other man. A man, now, who "kodawaru's," or makes difficulties, is one who in his relationships with others is not easily given to "asking" or "being made up to." Even more than the average man, of course, he would like to be permitted self-indulgence, but the fear of being rejected prevents him from giving it straightforward expression. Kigane and wadakamari represent very similar states of mind. Kigane (restraint) implies a constant feeling of enryo (consideration) towards the other person as a result of apprehension lest he fail to accept one's own amae as unreservedly as one might wish. Wadakamari is used when an ostensible indifference conceals a lurking resentment towards the other man. The man who looks embarrassed or awkward (tereru), too, resembles the man who creates difficulties (kodawaru) in his inability to give his own desire for indulgence straightforward expression, but his trouble is not fear of rejection so much as shame at revealing his self-indulgence before others.

Next, I should like to discuss the concept of sumanai in some detail, since the term is rather special in that it is used to express both gratitude and apology, two seemingly very different situations. In The Chrysanthemum and the Sword, Ruth Benedict devotes a considerable number of pages to discussion of this word, which shows that its precise shade of meaning occupied her greatly. I myself see sumanai as the regular negative form of the verb sumu, meaning to end or be completed as used of some action or task. This differs from the view of the late Yanagida Kunio,[23] who saw it as the negative of the verb sumu meaning to be clear or free from impurities, but I cannot help feeling that my interpretation is more consistent with the way the word is used in practice. In other words, the matter is "not ended" -- something is still left over -- because one has not done everything one should have done. Thus it expresses a strong feeling of apology towards the other person -- and!
it is precisely for this reason that the word sumanai is also used to thank him for his kindness. One uses it, in other words, in the assumption that the kind deed has been a burden to the doer, and not, as Ruth Benedict suggests, from any immediate consciousness of the need to repay the kindness....

Edition details

• Publisher: Kodansha America, Inc
• Publication date: 1982
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0870114948
• ISBN 13: 9780870114946
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 184