The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex - Hardcover

Buss, David M.

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0684850818 ISBN 13: 9780684850818

Publisher: Free Press, 2000

Synopsis

Why do men and women cheat on each other? How do men really feel when their partners have sex with other men? What worries women more -- men who turn to other women for love or men who simply want sexual variety in their lives? Can the jealousy husbands and wives experience over real or imagined infidelities be cured? Should it be? In this surprising and engaging exploration of men's and women's darker passions, David Buss, acclaimed author of "The Evolution of Desire," reveals that both men and women are actually designed for jealousy. Drawing on experiments, surveys, and interviews conducted in thirty-seven countries on six continents, as well as insights from recent discoveries in biology, anthropology, and psychology, Buss discovers that the evolutionary origins of our sexual desires still shape our passions today. According to Buss, more men than women want to have sex with multiple partners. Furthermore, women who cheat on their husbands do so when they are most likely to conceive, but have sex with their spouses when they are least likely to conceive. These findings show that evolutionary tendencies to acquire better genes through different partners still lurk beneath modern sexual behavior. To counteract these desires to stray -- and to strengthen the bonds between partners -- jealousy evolved as an early detection system of infidelity in the ancient and mysterious ritual of mating. Buss takes us on a fascinating journey through many cultures, from pre-historic to the present, to show the profound evolutionary effect jealousy has had on all of us. Only with a healthy balance of jealousy and trust can we be certain of a mate's commitment, devotion, and true love.

About this title

Review

As anyone who has ever watched their drunken partner dance the lambada with 15 strangers well knows, the insidious and sinister flipside to the raptures of sexual love is jealousy. So overpowering is "the green-eyed goddess" it can lead to divorce, battery, even murder.

So what is the scientific reason for this debilitating emotion? American sociobiologist David Buss has undertaken a Darwinian study. He concludes that the motive force for male jealousy is summed up in the pithy African phrase: "Mama's baby, Papa's maybe". Men are susceptible to jealousy because they can never be entirely sure of the paternity of their offspring.

But what about women? They are just as prey to the "dangerous passion"--only in different ways, and for different reasons. Buss analyses these gender differences, and finds that two-thirds of women are more provoked by "emotional infidelity" than physical unfaithfulness. In contrast men are more likely to agonise about their cheating partners doing exotic sex acts. Homosexual men seem to be less jealous than straights.

Buss provides plenty of case studies. One man was driven to jealous fury when his partner bought a new overcoat. Another sought a divorce when his wife started reading a "new star sign". A third reckoned his wife was doing it with the neighbour when the flicker of the Christmas tree lights started synchronising with the flicker of the neighbour's Xmas tree. In each of these cases the husband's suspicions, however bonkers, turned out to be well founded. Evolution seems to have provided us with acute intuitive faculties that enable us to sense infidelity from the tiniest signal.

This arresting and very accessible book concludes that all is not lost. "Emotional wisdom" is Buss's term for the way we might turn jealousy to our advantage, use it as fuel for our sex lives, employ its power to strengthen marriage. He may be right, he may be wrong, but after reading this book you may well want to check out that Christmas tree. --Sean Thomas

Review

Helen Fisher author of "The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World" Jealousy, infidelity, sexual desire: psychologist David Buss offers a compelling evolutionary perspective on these powerful and universal human emotions. It's a fascinating read. And along the way we are treated to an array of intriguing scientific data about other creatures, other cultures, Americans of all ages, and the differences between the sexes. This book goes a long way toward explaining the primordial underpinnings of the human heart.

About this edition

• Publisher: Free Press
• Publication date: 2000
• ISBN 10: 0684850818
• ISBN 13: 9780684850818
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 258