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Synopsis
How to overcome the three forces that work against us daily: toxic influences, toxic emotions, and toxic behaviors.
Why do so many well-meaning Christians take one spiritual step forward, then slide back two? Why do we long for more of God in our lives and yet feel further and further away from him? What's holding us back from growing in this relationship that we claim is our main priority?
Every day we are surrounded by secondhand spiritual toxins—influences, emotions, and behaviors—that threaten to draw us away from Jesus Christ. But when we recognize the toxins that assault us and discover ways to live in this world without absorbing them into our souls, we can experience genuine spiritual growth.
With a fresh look at the Word of God, vulnerable honesty, and his trademark humor, bestselling author of Winning the War in Your Mind Craig Groeschel unpacks ways to strengthen your spiritual health and your positive influence on others. He will help you to:
- Tell yourself the truth
- Overcome false beliefs
- Neutralize your anger
- Stop comparing yourself to others
- Unlock the chokehold of fear
- Toss out legalism
More than an insightful look at the negative aspects of our day-to-day culture, this grace-filled guide will challenge you out of complacency and into a life of clean, pure, and focused living based on the freeing standard of God's holiness.
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About the Author
New York Times bestselling author Craig Groeschel is the founding and senior pastor of Life.Church, an innovative, multisite church that created the free YouVersion family of Bible apps. He has written twenty books, including The Benefit of Doubt: How Confronting Your Deepest Questions Can Lead to a Richer Faith (2025). Known as a pastor with a heart for spiritual leadership, he hosts the top-ranking Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast and speaks frequently at leadership events and conferences worldwide. Craig and his wife, Amy, live in Oklahoma and have six married children and seven grandchildren. Connect with Craig at www.craiggroeschel.com.
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Soul Detox
pure living in a polluted world
By Craig GroeschelZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2012 Craig Groeschel
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-33382-1All rights reserved.
Contents
| Introduction: Coming Clean................................................. | 9 |
| Part 1 TOXIC BEHAVIORS..................................................... | |
| 1. Deception infection: Telling Ourselves the Truth........................ | 23 |
| 2. Septic Thoughts: Overcoming Our False Beliefs........................... | 37 |
| 3. Lethal Language: Experiencing the Power of Life-Giving Words............ | 53 |
| 4. Hazardous Waste: Uncovering Our Hidden Sins............................. | 71 |
| Part 2 TOXIC EMOTIONS...................................................... | |
| 5. Bitter roots: Digging Up the Destructive Source of Resentment........... | 91 |
| 6. Green with Envy: Scratching the Poison Ivy of Comparison................ | 109 |
| 7. Rage Rash: Neutralizing the Acid of Anger............................... | 125 |
| 8. Scare Pollution: Unlocking the Chokehold of Fear........................ | 141 |
| Part 3 TOXIC INFLUENCES.................................................... | |
| 9. Mood Poisoning: Purging the False Promises of Materialism............... | 161 |
| 10. Germ Warfare: Cleansing Our Lives of Cultural Toxins................... | 177 |
| 11. Radioactive Relationships: Loving Unhealthy People without Getting Sick....................................................................... | 195 |
| 12. Religion Gone Bad: Tossing Out Moldy Legalism, Spoiled Churches, and Sour Christians............................................................ | 211 |
| Conclusion: Clean and Sober................................................ | 227 |
| Acknowledgments............................................................ | 237 |
CHAPTER 1
Deception Infection
Telling Ourselves the Truth
The ingenuity of self-deception is inexhaustible.—Hannah Moore
As a pastor, I rarely confess to watching American Idol, since it soundskind of ... idolatrous. Nevertheless, I've been known to catch a fewweeks each season (or maybe all of them, but who's counting?). Myfavorites are the first few shows as the panel travels around the countryfor auditions. If you don't believe people are easily self-deceived,you only have to watch these tryouts to change your mind. It's difficultto comprehend how many horrifically bad singers truly believethey deserve to be the next vocal superstar!
While we often laugh (or cringe, if you're more compassionatethan I am) and wonder how a person can be so out of touch withreality, so unaware of their utter lack of talent, I'm afraid I actuallyunderstand their problem. You see, I have another confession to sharewith you, one that I'm even more embarrassed to disclose. Growingup, I not only loved to sing, but I thought I was a great singer. I'd wailout "You Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog" or "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"at the top of my lungs, convinced that it was only a matter oftime before I was discovered. Holding my invisible microphone, I'dshake my hips like Elvis, pout my lips like Mick Jagger, and snarl likeBilly Idol. No wonder I sounded like a wounded animal!
Convinced of my future stardom, in the fifth grade I auditionedfor our grade school choir. The choir consisted of fifty singers; fifty-twokids were trying out. Obviously, two unfortunate wannabeswould not make the cut. I figured the odds were clearly stacked in myfavor. This was my big chance to let others in on the secret talent thatwould make me a household name someday.
Yes, you are absolutely correct about what happened at the auditions.I was one of the two that went home crying because I didn'tmake the stupid choir! So each time I see some poor clueless youngman or woman singing off-key on Idol, surprised at Randy Jackson's"That's enough, Dawg," it's easy for me to understand their self-deception.What's more challenging for me to understand is how theirfriends and family support and perpetuate their delusion. Those poormothers making obscene gestures at the judges for not recognizingtheir baby's amazing vocal talent!
As we see ourselves through the lens of our experiences, beliefs,and perspectives, we all have our blind spots. As the Bible describesthe problem, "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9). Nomatter how objective we hope to be, our viewpoint is always distortedto some—sometimes large—degree. Here's the challenge. The longerwe view ourselves through a distorted lens, the more likely we are tobelieve a distorted truth. The longer we lie to ourselves, deceive ourselves,or remain in denial about the truth, the more likely we are tobase our decisions and actions on this false belief system.
Flattery Will Get You Somewhere
If you're like most people, when you read about self-deception, it'seasy to think of a few people who fall into that category, but chancesare that in your mind, you are not one of them. The reason is clear. Wedon't know what we don't know about ourselves. And often we don'twant to know. I believe God put this book into your hands becausehe loves you so much, he wants to help show you anything in your lifethat is polluting his plan for you, including your shortcomings andthe defenses you may be placing around them.
Since we see ourselves from only one perspective, it's incrediblydifficult to get an accurate picture of ourselves. In order to see intoour blind spots, we must use different mirrors held at different angles.I'd like to provide you with some of these mirrors in order to exposethe toxic behaviors that tend to sneak up on all of us. They're oftenpresent on a daily basis, and even though we can't see them, they canaccumulate inside us and poison the well of our souls.
Why can't we see our self-generated toxins? David answers thisquestion in Psalm 36:2–3 when he describes a deceived sinner: "Intheir own eyes they flatter themselves too much to detect or hatetheir sin. The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful; theyfail to act wisely or do good" (emphasis mine). Notice how Davidputs it, that some people "flatter themselves too much." They lie tothemselves and don't even know it. And they've become so skilledat self-deception that they cannot detect or confess their sins. Basically,we manufacture our own poison and administer regular dosesto ourselves.
Chances are good you know someone like this. Perhaps you havea friend who gossips all the time. He says boastfully, "I don't gossip;I'm just telling you so you can pray for them." You and everyoneelse know he's a gossip. Or maybe you have a family member whois off-the-charts rude. Yet she would tell you, "I'm not trying to beoffensive; I just tell it like it is." Odds are you know someone who hasa drinking problem. Yet this person denies having any problem andadamantly believes he can quit at any time. You might have a friendwho thinks he's God's gift to women, but you and everyone else knowhe's an arrogant, womanizing, self-centered jerk. You possibly workfor a woman who thinks she's a great leader at the office, but everyoneelse knows that she is a micromanaging, overbearing, control freak.Why don't these people see it in themselves?
Recently at church I asked our congregation, "How many of youbattle with self-deception?" A few people in the crowd raised theirhands. Then I asked, "How many of you know someone who is veryself-deceived?" You guessed it. Almost everyone knew someone elsewho's guilty of self-deception.
Chances are you do too. You probably know someone who thinksmore highly of themselves than they should. Or you might have arelative who thinks he's funny, but everyone else thinks he's annoying.You likely know someone who has a problem but will deny it untilthe cows come home. It's hard to be objective about ourselves.
I laughed as I explained to our church that we have a statisticalproblem. Almost no one in our church believes that they are self-deceived,and yet almost everyone knows someone who is. Why?Because we have an unlimited capacity to deceive ourselves. As welie to ourselves ("I'm a great singer"), we start to believe our lies. Themore we tell the lies, the more we believe they are truth.
Before long, we wholeheartedly embrace a distorted reality skillfullycreated by a willed ignorance. We deny, suppress, or minimizewhat is true. By default, we assert, adorn, and elevate what is false.When we finally see the truth, we think the truth is a lie.
We could say it this way: those who don't know, don't knowthat they don't know. If you are deceived, chances are pretty goodyou don't know that you believe something untrue—otherwise youwouldn't be deceived. If we never identify the lies and replace themwith truth, we'll forever crave a healthy life on a diet of poison andalways wonder why we are sick.
Ticked Off
So how do we begin identifying our self-told lies and replacing themwith truth? Through the process of ruthless self-examination. Aftermy kids spend a long day playing in the woods, I always have themcheck themselves for ticks. They loathe this somewhat embarrassingself-examination since it requires them to go over every square inchof their bodies slowly and carefully. But they know that catching a tickearly can keep them from getting seriously ill.
Similarly, I'd encourage you to do a thorough internal self-examination.Just as those pesky bloodsuckers jump on you when you entertheir environment, spiritual toxins infuse your thinking as you wadethrough our culture. Take an honest look at the way you live, howyou think, and who or what influences you the most. Work hard tobe brutally honest.
Examine your life for toxic behaviors—anything you do thatcripples your spiritual effectiveness or distracts you from your eternalmission. Look within for toxic emotions—any deep feelings thatlead you away from God's truth. Take an honest look at any unhealthyconsumptions—the media you consume, the sites you surf, thepeople you spend the most time around. The first step to defeatingan enemy is to recognize your opponent. Though your enemy mightbe invisible, God can give you eyes to see.
Let me warn you, though. The closer you get to uncovering a toxickiller in your life, the harder your enemy will fight to keep his grip.If you are like me, you might even unknowingly betray yourself andfight against the change. Denial is often our first line of defense. We'reskilled at taking responsibility for little and justifying much.
Be careful when you hear yourself think or utter these phrases orsomething similar:
• I don't have a problem with this.
• It's really no big deal. This is one way I cope with everything.
• I'm not as bad as most people.
• I can quit anytime I want to.
• This is just the way I am.
Those who are most defensive are often the most unknowinglyguilty. It's been said that the more convinced you are that you're right,the more likely you are wrong. If you fight back against those tryingto help you, chances are you are fighting to keep your own lies intact.If someone who loves you tries to show you a dangerous pattern inyour life, you might be 100 percent convinced they are wrong whenthe truth is they are 100 percent correct.
Peter, in the New Testament, is a perfect example. When Jesusexplained that some of the disciples would fall away and deny him,Peter was convinced that he never would. With unshakable confidence,Peter replied, "Even if all fall away on account of you, I neverwill" (Matt. 26:33, emphasis mine). Can you hear his self-deceivedconfidence?
As he flattered himself, Peter was unaware of his toxic self-deception.In the very next verse, we find Jesus explaining that before therooster crows, Peter will deny Jesus three times. But Peter stood hisground and declared, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disownyou" (Matt. 26:35, emphasis mine). Sure enough, before the dayended, not one, not two, but—count 'em—three different times Peterdenied even knowing who Jesus was.
If someone has been trying to show you something about yourselfand you continue to fight it, maybe it's time to acknowledge that youmight be deceived. Your spouse might be convinced you have a problemwith painkillers or alcohol or another drug, but you stand yourground and say that you don't. Someone might have told you thatyou're addicted to video games or social media, but you don't believeit. Maybe several loved ones have told you that you are a workaholic,but you don't stop working to listen. If you find yourself resisting orfighting back, be careful. Those who are most convinced are oftenthe most deceived. Be careful not to flatter yourself so much that youcannot detect or hate your own sin.
No Laughing Matter
Since it is hauntingly easy to deceive ourselves, we need outside helpto become more objective about our blind spots. And if our shieldsare up and our defenses are operating at full force, we may not behearing what those around us are saying. Sometimes if we really wantto change, we must ask God to show us what's true about how we'rethinking, talking, and living.
In my early years at our church, people complained to me regularlythat I was being unnecessarily crude when I preached. To them,some of my illustrations and humor crossed the line of what's appropriate.I told myself that they were just being prudish and didn'tunderstand my sense of humor and strategy.
Though more people complained, I stood my ground. After all,if they had known me before I was a Christian, they'd be blown awayby how much I'd improved. Besides, my slightly off-color humor wasconnecting with unchurched people, men and women visiting ourchurch for the first time. I couldn't help it if these other "legalistic"people didn't have the freedom that I enjoyed.
Many of our church's most faithful leaders set up meeting aftermeeting to talk to me about my "problem." To be honest, I was growingweary of their incessant complaints. They just weren't as evangelisticas I was and obviously didn't have a good sense of humor. At theend of what seemed like the hundredth meeting about my jokes, anexceptionally wise older gentleman asked me to pray. "Since you'reconvinced you're not doing anything wrong," he continued sincerely,"would you ask God to show you if he would have you change?" Justto get this guy off my back, I reluctantly agreed to pray, although Iknew it wouldn't change my stance.
Not wanting to break my word, a few days later I half-heartedlyprayed something like, "God, I know all these peopleare wrong, but if there is something you need to show me about cleaning up my act,please do."
Be careful what you pray for.
The very next Sunday, my oldest daughter, Catie, who was sevenat the time, came to "big church" and sat with my wife, Amy, while Ipreached. I glanced at my innocent daughter, smiling attentively andholding her Precious Moments Bible proudly in its pink case. Right asI was about to begin with a colorful joke, I hesitated. In one sweepingmoment, God showed me clearly. I had been crude.
When I was about to say something that was truly funny but nottotally clean, I realized that I wouldn't want my seven-year-old daughtersaying the very phrase I was about to say while preaching. In fact,if I heard her say the words that I was about to say, I'd correct her andtell her it wasn't appropriate.
Busted.
If I don't want my daughter telling this joke, why should I?
For so long, I had been blind to my toxic words and risqué humor.All along I thought I was funny and reaching people who normallydidn't go to church. Even when I was convinced my method was solid,everyone else knew I was behaving immaturely at best and sinfullyat worst.
Since we can't change what we can't identify, ask God to showyou any areas of your life that may be harmful to you, offensive to thepeople around you, or displeasing to God himself.
Talk to Me
God speaks to us in many ways. He speaks through his Word. Hespeaks through circumstances. He speaks through his Spirit. And hespeaks through people. As you seek God, listen carefully to what hemight say to you through the people around you. Proverbs 15:31–32says, "He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among thewise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heedscorrection gains understanding" (NIV 1984 ed., emphasis mine).
I love the phrase "life-giving rebuke." Occasionally, God will sendsomeone to communicate a strong and important message througha life-giving rebuke. It's important to note, not all rebukes are life-givingand helpful. Certainly you've been broadsided by some life-takingrebukes. You know, when some jerk criticizes or belittles youin a hurtful way or over something insignificant that allows the jerkto look better than you. Instead of making things better, they makethings worse.
But there are times that a loving person gives a life-giving rebuke.They care about you enough to confront you lovingly. Like the churchmembers who tried to help me see how my crude humor was hurtingthe church, loving people may take some risks to help you see thetruth. When they do, listen.
For several years, loved ones tried to help me with another oneof my blind spots. As a pastor, I prided myself in relating well withother people— showing grace, kindness, and patience. Though I wasconvinced I was good at interacting socially, several close peopletold me that I wasn't as good as I thought.
Amy was among several who expressed that I really needed toimprove my people skills. She explained soberly that I often lookeddistracted, rushed, or bored when talking to people in the lobby afterchurch. I replied truthfully that I often did feel distracted, rushed, orbored, but only because there were so many other peopleto talk to, and I had lots to do—and to top it off, some peoplewere boring! They blab on and on and on and on. To me, if I wasn't good with people,it was someone else's fault.
After years of listening to me defend myself, Amy and a couple ofher friends showed me what I do when talking to people. With a playfulspirit, they acted like they were me talking to someone else. Theyshowed me how my body language communicated disinterest, as I'dlook around the room or act distracted. They demonstrated how I'doften turn slightly away from the person talking to me.
(Continues...)
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