Raising Resilient Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Strategies for Helping Them MaximizeTheir Strengths, Coping With Adversity, and Develop a Social Mindset (FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS) - Softcover

Brooks, Dr. Robert

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0071385223 ISBN 13: 9780071385220

Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education, 2012

Synopsis

New hope for parents raising a child with autism spectrum disorders

In Raising Resilient Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, noted psychologists and bestselling authors Dr. Goldstein and Dr. Brooks teach you the strategies and mindset necessary to help your child develop strength, hope, and optimism. This is the first approach for autism spectrum disorders based in the extremely popular field of positive psychology.

Drs. Brooks and Goldstein--world-renowned experts on child psychology and, specifically, resilience--offer you practical tips for long-term solutions rather than just quick fixes. Featuring dozens of stories and an easy-to-follow, prescriptive narrative, Drs. Brooks and Goldstein demonstrate how to apply resilience to every parenting practice when raising a child with autism spectrum disorders, preparing him or her for the challenges of today’s complicated, ever-changing world and helping your child develop essential social skills.

Learn how to:

• Empower your child to problem-solve on his or her own
• Teach your child to learn from mistakes rather than feel defeated by them
• Discipline your child while instilling self-worth
• Build an alliance with your child's school

About this title

About the Author

McGraw-Hill authors represent the leading experts in their fields and are dedicated to improving the lives, careers, and interests of readers worldwide

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

RAISING Resilient CHILDREN with AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS

Strategies for Helping Them Maximize Their Strengths, Cope with Adversity, and Develop a Social Mindset

By ROBERT BROOKS, SAM GOLDSTEIN

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-07-138522-0

Contents

Preface
Acknowledgments
1 A Social Resilient Mindset and the Challenge of Autism Spectrum 
Disorders
2 Eight Guideposts for Raising a Social Resilient Child with Autism 
Spectrum Disorder
3 Teaching and Conveying Empathy
4 Using Empathic Communication and Listening Actively
5 Accepting Our Children for Who They Are: Conveying Unconditional Love 
and Setting Realistic Expectations
6 Nurturing "Islands of Competence"
7 Helping Children Learn from Rather than Feel Defeated by Mistakes
8 Teaching Children to Solve Problems and Make Sound Decisions
9 Disciplining in Ways That Promote Self-Discipline and Self-Worth
10 Developing Responsibility, Compassion, and a Social Conscience
11 Strengthening the Alliance Between Parents and Schools
12 Final Thoughts
Recommended Resources
Index

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

A Social Resilient Mindset and the Challenge of Autism SpectrumDisorders

"Enormous differences exist among individuals with autism in their abilitiesand needs; among families in their strengths and resources; and amongcommunities and nations in their points of view and histories."

—Ami Klin, Donald Cohen, and Fred Volkmar,from Handbook of Autism and PervasiveDevelopmental Disorders, Second Edition

What exactly is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)? Is it a single condition? Is itmany conditions with similar symptoms? We are slowly beginning to understandthat while there may be differences between children with certain types of ASDsuch as autism, Asperger's syndrome, or Pervasive Developmental Disorder, all ofthese conditions represent significant social, communication, and behavioralchallenges for children. In a sense ASD is a single condition with multiple co-occurring problems. For autism, such problems might include anxiety, attentiondisorders, gastrointestinal problems, seizures, sensory differences such asextreme sensitivity to noise, and even certain genetic conditions such asFragile X syndrome or Tuberous Sclerosis.

It is still the case that most diagnoses take place between four and six yearsof age. However, the majority of children with ASD demonstrate developmentalconcerns before three years of age. Nearly one-third of parents report a problembefore their child's first birthday. Eighty percent of children diagnosed withASD have parents reporting problems before the children's second birthday. Theword spectrum is used to define these conditions as this reflects theunique manner in which each child can be affected. Spectrum alsosuggests multiple and varied outcomes based on a combination of differentsymptoms, qualities within the child, and, most important, experiences at homeand in school. The day in and day out interactions parents have with childrenwith ASD, whether their symptoms are mild, moderate, or severe, makes asignificant difference in the lives of these children today and into the future.

More children are now being diagnosed with ASD than ever before. This is mostlikely due to increased public awareness and more sophisticated diagnosticcenters rather than an increase in toxins, vaccinations, or other problems inthe environment. However, there is no definitive answer to the question: Whatcauses autism? It can only be pointed out that current research provides strongreason to believe autism is rooted in certain patterns of genetics. Withidentical twins, if one has ASD the other will be affected 50 percent to 95percent of the time. In nonidentical twins, if one has ASD the other is affectedanywhere up to 25 percent of the time. If parents have a child with ASD, theyhave a 2 percent to 8 percent chance of having a second child who is alsoaffected. About 10 percent of children with ASD have a defined genetic disordersuch as Fragile X or Down syndromes. Five percent of children with ASD areaffected by Fragile X and 10 percent to 15 percent with Fragile X show autistictraits. One percent to 4 percent of children with ASD also have TuberousSclerosis, another genetic condition. Forty percent of children with ASD do notspeak. It is also the case that between 30 percent and 60 percent of childrenwith ASD also suffer from an intellectual disability.

According to a recent study completed by the Centers for Disease Control, it iscurrently estimated that 1 in 110 children in the United States suffers fromsome type of ASD. This condition occurs in all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomicgroups but is four to seven times more likely to occur in boys than girls. Thetrue incidence may be even higher with a recent population-based study in Koreasuggesting as many as 1 out of 33 children demonstrating signs and symptoms ofautism.

The Centers for Disease Control estimates that of the four million children bornin the United States every year, approximately twenty-six thousand to twenty-seventhousand children will eventually be diagnosed with ASD. Assuming aconsistent prevalence, about a half million children under the age of nineteenhave ASD. In 1996, according to statistics from the Individuals for DisabilitiesEducation Act, nearly six million children received special education servicesin the public schools. Four percent of this group, or nearly a quarter of amillion, received services under the classification of autism. In the pastfifteen years, these numbers have increased dramatically. The nearly eightycountries providing statistics on the incidence of autism in their populationsshow similar or even higher rates of ASD.

Developing a Social Resilient Mindset

If you are reading this book we suspect it is because your child or a closefamily member has been diagnosed with, or you suspect he or she has, ASD.Children with ASD more so than any other disorder struggle to develop normal,satisfying, and appropriate social connections and relations to others. They canbe self-absorbed. They may have odd interests and routines. They may suffer froma variety of language problems, particularly related to social language. Theyoften appear disinterested in interacting with others, preferring instead tointeract with objects. Their dilemma is twofold. Not only do they fail to beginto develop the skills and abilities necessary for functional and satisfyingsocial relations and connections, but along the way they fail to have theexperiences and opportunities to develop what we call a social resilientmindset.

If we examine our parental goals we quickly realize that for our children to behappy, successful, and satisfied in their lives they must be social andconnected to others. These experiences require them to possess the innerstrength to deal competently and successfully day after day with the challengesand demands they encounter. In our first book, Raising ResilientChildren, we called this capacity to cope and feel competentresilience. We referred to the assumptions, expectations, and skillsthat contribute to resilience as resilient mindset.

The processes and guideposts that define this mindset, while necessary for allyouth, have been demonstrated to be critical for youth experiencing physical,emotional, social, environmental, and developmental adversities. Regardless ofethical, cultural, religious, or scientific beliefs, we can all agree thatdeveloping stress hardiness and the ability to deal with life's challenges iscritical for all of our children.

Resilience embraces the ability of a child to deal effectively with stress andpressure; to cope with everyday challenges; to bounce back from disappointments,adversity, and trauma; to develop clear and realistic goals; to solve problems;to relate comfortably with others; and to treat one's self and others withrespect. As we have written time and time again in our joint work, numerousscientific studies of children facing great adversity in their lives support theimportance of resilience as a powerful force. We have also come to appreciatethat our social connections provide the foundation upon which resilienceprocesses operate and upon which a resilient mindset develops. Thus, in thisbook we expand this concept of a resilient mindset by emphasizing that the pathto a happy, functional life for children with ASD is dependent on developingwhat we refer to as a social resilient mindset.

It has also been well documented scientifically that children with conditionssuch as ASD require much more assistance than other youngsters if they are totransition successfully and happily into adult life. We have more thanadequately demonstrated that symptom relief while essential is not theequivalent of changing long-term outcome. This is not to imply that symptom-relievingmedicine, therapies, or educational strategies cannot help youngsterswith ASD transition functionally into adult life. However, if we want to raisechildren with ASD to be resilient, our energies must be focused equally ontreatments and strategies that provide them with symptom relief today and assistthem with skills that they can carry into adulthood. We must begin byappreciating that we can no longer afford the luxury of assuming that if weminimize the stress or adversity children with ASD experience during theirchildhood years, place them in a social skills group, or use a medication fortheir behavior, everything will turn out "just fine."

The concept of resilience or working from a strength-based model should takecenter stage in raising children with ASD. Yet, many well-meaning, lovingparents of children with ASD either are not aware of the parental practices thatcontribute to helping children develop a social resilient mindset or do not usewhat they know. While raising children is a goal that unites parents, educators,and other professionals, it is a process that until recently has neither beentaught nor even highlighted. The lack of knowledge about socialization andresilience processes often leads parents and professionals to counterproductiveefforts and to the false belief that treatment for the condition is the onlypathway to happy, successful lives for children with ASD.

The concept of resilience defines a parenting process essential for preparingchildren with ASD for success in their future lives. Given this belief, aguiding principle in all of our interactions with children with ASD should be tostrengthen their ability to be resilient, to be connected to others, and to meetlife's challenges with thoughtfulness, insight, confidence, purpose, empathy,and appropriate connections to others.

In some scientific circles, the word resilience has typically applied toyoungsters who have overcome stress and hardship. We believe, however,resilience should be understood as a vital ingredient in the process ofparenting every child, not just children with ASD. When raising a child withASD, parents often develop specific goals around the child's atypical behaviorand poor social connections. But in the course of achieving these goals andliving in concert with one's values, the principles involved in raisingresilient youngsters must serve as guideposts. The process of teaching yourchild about religion, athletics, dealing with mistakes, learning to share withsiblings, meeting responsibilities, and, most important, developing socialconnections will be enhanced by an understanding of the components ofresilience. Every interaction with your child provides an educationalopportunity to help him or her weave a strong and resilient personal fabric evenin the face of ASD. While the outcome of a specific issue may be important, evenmore vital are the lessons learned from the process of dealing with each issueor problem. The knowledge gained provides the nutrients from which the seeds ofresiliency will develop and flourish.

This book is not intended to prescribe what values or goals you set foryourself, your family, and your child with ASD. It is not a treatment book withprescribed therapeutic strategies to address ASD. Instead, this book reflectsour belief that if you set your sights to help your child with ASD develop asocial resilient mindset, then all aspects of parenting—including teachingvalues, disciplining your child, helping your child feel special andappreciated, and encouraging your child to develop satisfying interpersonalrelationships—can be guided by this priority. This book will articulateand explore the mindset of resilient children and in particular focus upondeveloping these qualities and social skills in children with ASD. The chapterswill also focus on the mindset of parents capable of using specific strategiesand ideas as they interact with their children to help develop socialconnections and resilience.

In Raising Resilient Children, we addressed the issue of the importanceof parents in influencing the lives of their children. Questions have beenraised as to just how influential parents can be, particularly if childrenexperience genetic or developmental disorders such as ASD. After all, experiencecannot change genetics—or can it? We believe that experience can changehow those genes are expressed. An emerging body of research demonstrates thatgenes for complex behaviors such as socialization and the processes ofresilience not only benefit from but require daily experiences in theenvironment in order to be expressed. For example, a child may have all of thenecessary genes to develop language but if not spoken to he or she will neverspeak. A child may have all of the genes to develop social connections, but ifthe child's outreach to others is met with rejection, he or she quickly becomesdisconnected from the social world. However, even given the innate andenvironmental differences among children, parents play a major role in theirchildren's development. Parents nurture and shape the behaviors and attitudes oftheir offspring. The expression of heritable traits such as socialization inchildren is strongly dependent on experience-specific parent behaviors.

Social Impairment

If we are social beings and our genetics and development drive us to connect,socialize, relate, and be with others, why do some children struggle? Impairmentin social competence can be caused by three primary factors, which may overlapat times. Some children are aggressive and hostile. Others may not be hostile,but they struggle to regulate and control their behavior, often acting beforethinking and upsetting others in their presence. Yet others display neither ofthese two problems but appear to struggle due to difficulty interpreting andunderstanding social behavior. In particular, they fail to appreciate that otherpeople form thoughts and ideas about them and that these thoughts and feelingsprompt them to act in ways that they may not like.

Several years ago, coauthor Sam worked with Michael, a very bright thirteen-year-old boy struggling with social competence. Michael had few friends, thecore problem he experienced due to his ASD. He had difficulty taking theperspective of others. His interests were different and varied. He struggled toinitiate and maintain conversation with his peers. He was seen as odd andatypical. Yet Michael was a great conversationalist, particularly when he wastalking about something he enjoyed. Michael liked Barney, the purple dinosaur.Even though he was thirteen years old, he did not believe that his interest inBarney was babyish or immature. He reiterated this observation time and timeagain, despite the suggestion that his discussion about Barney with his peersmay be one of the reasons some peers picked on or bullied him. Michael simplydid not understand how his interest as perceived by others would result in theirmaking fun of him. On this particular day, Michael came to see Sam. Sam wasexpecting another interesting session, one in which lots of fascinating topicswould be discussed along with Barney but one in which once again Michael wouldfail to appreciate the manner in which his behavior was viewed by others. As Samgreeted Michael and his mother in the waiting room, Michael's mother pointedout: "Michael and I have something very interesting to tell you today."

Michael added, "It's about Barney."

As they walked back into Sam's office, Sam couldn't help but wonder what newrevelation Michael had to tell him about. Michael's mother began the discussion:"The other evening I walked by Michael's door and it was closed."

Immediately Sam sat up. He found this comment interesting, as Michael's parentshad reported that even when dressing, Michael never closed his door. Modesty didnot occur to him.

Michael's mother continued, "I knocked on Michael's door and opened it. Michaelwas watching television. I thought he was watching something he shouldn't andthat's why he closed the door."

"What was he watching?" Sam asked.

Michael immediately chimed in, "I was watching Barney."

"I don't understand," Sam answered.

"Michael was watching Barney and he shut the door," Michael's mother explained."I asked him why he did this, and Michael told me that he realized that I mightthink he's a baby because he watches Barney so he closed the door."

In this one experience Michael gained two important steps toward socialcompetence. After hours and hours of conversation, Michael finally realized thathis interest in Barney might be perceived negatively by some people and thatthose people might behave negatively toward him in response. Therefore, he shuthis door. This was a very normal behavior. At times we all engage in behaviorswe might find embarrassing if others knew about them, and yet we want to engagein those behaviors so we hide them from view.

In this revelation, Michael demonstrated many of the important steps inprocessing social information. One has to be able to pick up cues of cause andintent, to set a goal, to compare the present situation to past experience, toselect a possible response or behavior, and to act on that response. Michael,for what Sam believed was the first time in his life, had been able to engage inthis process successfully. He was now ready to begin discussing other areas inhis life in which he could learn to shift and adjust his behavior so that hewould fit and relate better to others. His insights were facilitated by adiscussion in which Michael did not feel judged or accused and thus was morereceptive to listen to Sam's message and not become defensive.

Embedded in these social processes is the development of the ability tocommunicate effectively, to listen, to learn, and to influence others; to giveand appreciate love and affection; to set realistic goals and expectations; tolearn from mistakes; to develop responsibility, compassion, and a socialconscience; and, finally, to develop self-discipline and learn to solve problemsand make good decisions.

Simply put, the central problem for children with ASD is their inability tointeract with and learn about the social world. It is truly a social learningdisability. Children with ASD have difficulty reading social intentions. Theyhave trouble taking the perspective of others. This is the problem that Michaeldemonstrated with his interest in Barney.

(Continues...)

(Continues...)

Excerpted from RAISING Resilient CHILDREN with AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS by ROBERT BROOKS, SAM GOLDSTEIN. Copyright © 2012 by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein. Excerpted by permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
• Publication date: 2012
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0071385223
• ISBN 13: 9780071385220
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 288