The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - Hardcover

Perel, Esther

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0062322583 ISBN 13: 9780062322586

Publisher: Harper, 2017

Synopsis

Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.

Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.

For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

About this title

Review

"Sexologist Perel, a marriage crisis 'first responder, ' excavates the messy psychology of infidelity, digging into such charged topics as the 'new shame' of wives--staying with a cheater--and why even happy partners sometimes stray."--O Magazine, 10 Books To Pick Up Now

"It's the knowledge and research Perel has amassed on infidelity over the years, through her work as a couple's therapist, that's most compelling.... Perel is defiantly non-judgmental."--Telegraph (UK)

"[Perel is] a genius in this area of understanding deep relationships."--Tony Robbins, The Tony Robbins Podcast

"[Perel] is the real deal and very, very insightful.... Highly recommend [The State of Affairs]."--Tim Ferriss, The Tim Ferriss Show

"Ms. Perel doesn't recommend that couples be unfaithful--far from it. But she thinks that affairs can happen in stable, happy marriages, and that they often have more to do with a person than a relationship."--Wall Street Journal

"Perel suggests that one factor driving infidelity in otherwise happy marriages is the fact that we rely on our spouse for too much, particularly too much in our own quest for self-discovery."--New York Post

"Perel takes a peel-the-layers approach to infidelity that surprises on every page.... [She] weaves together a collection of personal stories that is both thrilling (you feel like you're eavesdropping) and moving."--Goop

"If anyone knows the varied ways cheating can impact a marriage, it's Esther Perel."--Health magazine

"[Perel] uses her findings to confront some of the most controversial and uncomfortable topics.... Here is a woman who, after spending three decades listening to tales of lies, pain and illicit sex, still believes in our ability to love and be loved in an honest, nuanced way."--RED Magazine

"Sure to get a lot of people talking."--Megyn Kelly on Megyn Kelly TODAY

Book Description

Psychotherapist and TED talk speaker challenges us to understand infidelity, and how couples can survive it: a must-read for anyone who has ever loved.

Edition details

• Publisher: Harper
• Publication date: 2017
• ISBN 10: 0062322583
• ISBN 13: 9780062322586
• Binding: Hardcover
• Language: English
• Number of pages: 336