Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship - Softcover

Schnarch Ph.D., David; Maddock, James

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0060931787 ISBN 13: 9780060931780

Publisher: Harper Perennial, 2003

Synopsis

In this remarkable sexual health and wellness book, Dr. David Schnarch, world-renowned sex and marital therapist and author of Passionate Marriage, offers a groundbreaking approach to resolving sexual difficulties and the relationship problems they cause. By showing couples how they can turn their worst sex and relationship disasters into personal growth and spiritual connection, Dr. Schnarch offers couples the best sex of their lives.

In addition to taking an unflinchingly honest, realistic, and erotic approach to sex, Dr. Schnarch reveals the complicated emotional interactions hidden within couples' most private moments. Resurrecting Sex speaks of compassion, partnership, generosity, and integrity in adult sexual relationships, offering hope to millions of people who are struggling with sexual difficulties.

Uplifting, provocative, and heartfelt, the book is organized into four sections:

A crash course in sexExplanation of how sexual relationships really workMedical options and bionic solutionsVignettes of couples changing their sexual relationships

Resurrecting Sex addresses all major sexual issues, including male erection problems such as rapid orgasm and delayed orgasm; women's problems with arousal and lubrication, difficulty reaching orgasm, and low desire; full coverage of Viagra (for both men and women); and other sex-enhancing drugs and medical options. Rather than dwelling on sexual techniques, this sympathetic book shows how to cure the rejection, hostility, and emotional alienation that often accompany sexual problems. Its unique method helps couples develop the love, affection, and commitment that prevent divorce and strengthen families.

About this title

About the Author

David Schnarch, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and director of the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado. He is founder of the Sexual Crucible Approach(r) to integrated sexual and marital therapy, and the Passionate Marriage Approach(r) for couples. Dr. Schnarch's textbook Constructing the Sexual Crucible is used as a primary text in graduate training programs across the country. He was the first recipient of the Professional Standards of Excellence Award from the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT} and chair of professional education for eight years. Dr. Schnarch currently serves on the editorial board of AAMFT's Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy. He lives in Evergreen, Co1orado.

From the Back Cover

In this remarkable new book, Dr. David Schnarch, world-renowned sex and marital therapist and author of Passionate Marriage, offers a groundbreaking approach to resolving sexual difficulties and the relationship problems they cause. By showing couples how they can turn their worst sex and relationship disasters into personal growth and spiritual connection, Dr. Schnarch offers couples the best sex of their lives.

In addition to taking an unflinchingly honest, realistic, and erotic approach to sex, Dr. Schnarch reveals the complicated emotional interactions hidden within couples' most private moments. Resurrecting Sex speaks of compassion, partnership, generosity, and integrity in adult sexual relationships, offering hope to millions of people -- golden-anniversary marriages, newly formed couples, and singles alike -- who are struggling with sexual difficulties.

Uplifting, provocative, and heartfelt, the book is organized into four sections:

• A crash course in sex
• Explanation of how sexual relationships really work
• Medical options and bionic solutions
• Vignettes of couples changing their sexual relationships

Resurrecting Sex addresses all major sexual issues, including male erection problems such as rapid orgasm and delayed orgasm; women's problems with arousal and lubrication, difficulty reaching orgasm, and low desire; full coverage of Viagra (for both men and women); and other sex-enhancing drugs and medical options. Rather than dwelling on sexual techniques, this sympathetic book shows how to cure the rejection, hostility, and emotional alienation that often accompany sexual problems. Its unique method helps couples develop the love, affection, and commitment that prevent divorce and strengthen families.

Generous of spirit, enlightened, and insightful, Resurrecting Sex is destined to make the world a better place to fall in love.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Resurrecting Sex

Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your RelationshipBy Schnarch, David

Quill

Copyright © 2004 David Schnarch
All right reserved.
ISBN: 0060931787

Chapter One

A Second Chance at Sex

In its essence, the delight of sexual love, the genetic spasm, is a sensation of resurrection, of renewing our life in another, for only in others can we renew our life and so perpetuate ourselves.

-- Miguel de Unamuno, The Tragic Sense of Life (1913)

What is it You seek? Are you looking for happiness? Peace? Passion? Solid connection with your partner? Sexy sex?

What do you currently have? Loneliness? Frustration? Failure? Boring, sad, empty sex? Painful sex?

We tend to believe couples don't typically have significant sexual problems. When we are unhappy, we think it's because of how we're uniquely screwed up. It is hard to believe unsatisfying and disappointing sex is normal. We try to live up to our distortions by hiding our own difficulties. Until recently, the full extent of common sexual unhappiness remained hidden from view.

Public discussions of sex have become more common over the last four decades (perhaps even too much so). The constant barrage of sexual information, advertising, and sex-laced entertainment in mass media makes it feel somehow inappropriate to have sexual problems in our liberated times. In spite (or because) of this, there exists a vast underground of couples with sexual problems who have gone unrecognized and unserved.

As a sex therapist, I've long known that sexual unhappiness is wide-spread. Sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfactions are rampant among normal healthy couples. My view of marriage differed so much from prevailing stereotypes that at times I felt alienated from society. That is, until two technological marvels, Viagra and the Internet, showed up.

Incredible initial sales of Viagra, the first readily accessible and easily administered erection medication, made everyone wonder where these pills were going. journalists did the math and started tracking prescription patterns. Feature articles in Time, Newsweek, USA Today, and every small-town newspaper helped spread public awareness. Gradually, John and Jane Doe began to realize what was (and wasn't) going on in many couples' beds.

The Internet, for all its wonders, became a new sewer for the sexual unhappiness and dissatisfactions in bedrooms around the world. Up sprang porn Web sites offering clip art, still photos, JavaScript images, and steaming streaming video. Sexually oriented chat rooms -- meaning just about any chat room given half a chance -- surfaced on major Web portals. Therapists started hearing complaints from clients that spouses (or they themselves) preferred masturbating online to having partnered sex. As complaints grew, the scope of unhappy marriages and sexually barren relationships became more apparent.

The problem is not Internet technology per se. The Net benefits desperate people looking for factual sex information and support. Unfortunately, the modem connection that carries a support group for adolescent burn victims also delivers clandestine e-mail from "Internet affairs." The unhappiness in people's bedrooms that propelled initial Viagra sales now also drives the Internet.

How Common Are Sexual Difficulties?

Although sexual problems have plagued men and women throughout history, scientific incidence data is sparse. Studies vary in their estimates due to differences in assessment methods and the people studied. Overall, however, results suggest that anywhere from 10 percent to 52 percent of all men and 25 percent to 63 percent of all women have sexual problems. An estimated 15 million men in the United States have significant erection problems and another 10 million have partial difficulty. One man in three has some difficulty with erections by age 60. These staggering figures explain why more prescriptions were written for Viagra when it was initially released than for any other new drug.

The 1999 mail survey of 1,384 adults (ages 45 and older) conducted by the Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons (AARP) and Modern Maturity Magazine provides a similar view: The majority of men and women sampled said a satisfying sexual relationship was important to their quality of life. One in four men surveyed (26 percent) reported complete or moderate difficulty with erections, but less than half these men ever sought treatment. Overall, the AARP study noted that only a small minority of people who have sexual problems ever seek treatment. Only 10 percent of men and 7 percent of women in this study had taken medication, hormones, or other treatment to enhance their sexual performance. (A majority of those who did reported increased sexual satisfaction and improved relationships.)

Inside Your Neighbor's Bedroom

You can see widespread sexual problems in the results of the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) epidemiological study of 1,749 women and 1,410 men ages 18 to 59. The demographics of the people studied match the general public at large, meaning that the results probably represent an accurate picture of what's happening across the United States: 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men reported having a sexual problem in the prior year. Given people's tendency to under report such problems, the study's findings probably are on the low side.

Stop for a moment and consider what this really means. When you realize that a third of all men and almost half of all women have had a sexual problem recently, that's a whole lot of couples struggling with a sexual problem in one partner or the other. You can visualize what's going on in bedrooms everywhere when you consider the actual sexual problems reported in the NHSLS study.

One out of five women doesn't enjoy sex. Fully 19 percent of women report difficulty lubricating and 15 percent report pain during sex. This means that lots of women aren't having a particularly good time in bed, and it's doubtful that their partners are either. Regardless of whether their partners reach orgasm or not, there isn't going to be a lot of intimacy, passion, tenderness, or affection for anyone involved. Look behind the numbers and think of the disappointment, frustration, and tears they represent.

Next, consider the implications of other findings that a quarter of all women report having difficulty reaching orgasm. Aside from the impact this has on women's self-esteem and enjoyment of lovemaking, think of what this means in bedrooms across the country tonight. One out of four women may be lying there, lost in her own private mental world, wondering if she'll reach orgasm and worrying about how her partner will respond if she doesn't. Lots of people will be working in bed when they could be relaxing. Many of them will feel miles apart during what is supposedly the most intimate thing two people can do. Some will give up on themselves or their partner, disappointments will be common, and many will become discouraged and turn away from each other.

Continues...

Excerpted from Resurrecting Sexby Schnarch, David Copyright © 2004 by David Schnarch. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Edition details

• Publisher: Harper Perennial
• Publication date: 2003
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 0060931787
• ISBN 13: 9780060931780
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 322