Men Are from Mars - Softcover

John Gray

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0060926422 ISBN 13: 9780060926427

Publisher: Perennial, 1997

Synopsis

Popular marriage counselor and seminar leader John Gray provides a unique, practical and proven way for men and women to communicate and relate better by acknowledging the differences between them. Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.

Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women, Gray explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling loving relationships.

Based on years of successful counseling of couples, he gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners. Gray shows how men and women react differently in conversation and how their relationships are affected by male intimacy cycles ('get close, ' 'back off'), and female self-esteem fluctuations ('I'm okay, ' 'I'm not okay'). He encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love, and helps men and women learn how to fulfill one another's emotional needs.

With practical suggestions on how to reduce conflict, crucial information on how to interpret a partner's behavior and methods for preventing emotional 'trash from the past' from invading new relationships, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" is a valuable tool for couples who want to develop deeper and more satisfying relationships with their partners.

About this title

Review

A classic and unique self-help book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus tackles the perennial problems faced by couples everywhere. Gray tells an allegorical story of the Venusians and the Martians who move to Earth, having enjoyed wonderful and fulfilling relationships with one another for many years. However, as soon as they arrive on this planet, amnesia sets in! They can no longer remember that they are from different planets and all sorts of communication and emotional problems set in. Written in an unpretentious and jargon-free style, Gray's tactic of using "Venusian" and "Martian" to refer to the two genders (and he does comment that these roles are not necessarily based on sexual biology) avoids the dead-end path followed by so many people, of using sweeping statements such as: "men always..." or "women just don't understand...". Instead, he says: "Venusians are from a different planet, therefore..." or "Martians need...". This in itself is a worthwhile tactic, removing blame and shifting communication onto a new level where it is OK not to be on the same wavelength all the time and not to automatically understand all your partner's needs. His new naming strategy even manages to be amusing, in a way that many books in this area can fail to be, although the writing tends towards over-simplicity at times.

He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that people in relationships say to their partners, what is intended, what is actually heard. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.

The tone of the book is always helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the typical self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies. All in all, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine

Review

"Gray offers a Berlitz of the heart, a translation of that foreign language your spouse is speaking. And hearing."--USA Today

Gray offers a Berlitz of the heart, a translation of that foreign language your spouse is speaking. And hearing. --USA Today"

-Gray offers a Berlitz of the heart, a translation of that foreign language your spouse is speaking. And hearing.---USA Today

About this edition

• Publisher: Perennial
• Publication date: 1997
• ISBN 10: 0060926422
• ISBN 13: 9780060926427
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 286