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Synopsis
Family begins with a capital eff.
I m wondering how many phases I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me it s just a phase! for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is just a phase. Potty training and the associated accidents is just a phase . The tantrums of the terrible twos are just a phase . The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their bum. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All just phases! When do the phases end though? WHEN?
Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight a dragon badger or a ninja horse they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.
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About the Author
Gill Sims is the author of the hugely successful parenting blog and Facebook site Peter and Jane . Her first book Why Mummy Drinks was the bestselling hardback fiction debut of 2017, spending over six months in the top ten of the Sunday Times Bestseller Charts, and was shortlisted for Debut Novel of the Year in the British Book Awards. Her second novel Why Mummy Swears spent seven weeks at number one in the Sunday Times Bestseller Charts, and 19 weeks in the top ten.
She lives in Scotland with her husband, two children and a recalcitrant Border Terrier, who rules the house.
Gill s interests include drinking wine, wasting time on social media, trying and failing to capture her lost youth, and looking for the dog when he decides to go on one of his regular jaunts.
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Why Mummy Doesn't Give A . !
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Why Mummy Doesn't Give A . !
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