Ducks in a Row: An a - Z of Offlish - Hardcover

Newbrook, Carl

9781904977353: Ducks in a Row: An a - Z of Offlish

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 1904977359 ISBN 13: 9781904977353

Publisher: Short Books Ltd, 2005

A humorous guide to the language of Office English Ducks in a Row is a dictionary and guidebook celebrating the new and absurd language of Office English, or Offlish - workplace slang, common jargon, bogus phrases and all the myriad ridiculous idioms that we use to impress and confuse our colleagues and to climb the greasy pole of corporate advancement. It is a book to delight, amuse, instruct and entertain anyone who has ever worked in, or ever will work in, an office. All of the 700+ definitions of words and terms in Ducks in a Row include examples of typical office behaviour and the types of character encountered. For each word or term there is an example of how it is used, as well as a handy "Bullshit Rating". All the words and terms are fully cross-referenced and indexed so that it is possible to dip in and across the book to follow a particular theme or running gag.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

About the Author:

Carl Newbrook was born in 1960. He has a PhD from Oxford and worked for 15 years as a bookseller. He is now at HarperCollins publishers. He lives in Camden, North London.

A-Z
= phrase: the alphabet

From the beginning to the end; the whole story.

Usage**** – Unironic managers underlining their intention
to examine every aspect of a problem: ‘We need to look at everything from beginning to end, the whole shooting match, and get our ducks in a row. This is an A–Z scenario, guys.’

See also Ducks in a row; Guys; Unironic manager; Z

Absolutely!
= interj: completely; unconditionally

A word that demands an exclamation mark!

Usage***** – Everyone, everywhere, constantly. This is the correct Offlish term� to express enthusiastic agreement
(or at least to pretend to express enthusiastic agreement). Unironic managers will often add the superfluous rider:
‘I hear what you are saying!’

See also Sales manager; Team

Action
= v: to act; implement; make happen

In the office the saying ‘Actions speak louder than words’ is widely respected.

Usage***** – The transmogrification of ‘action’ from a noun into a verb is now so widespread in Offlish usage as to be
unchallengeable, the standard English equivalents – ‘do’ or
‘complete’ – being regarded as too weedy for the muscular needs of the office. The enthusiastic wielding of this unlovely term will, however, mark out colleagues who might best be avoided, even if this can only be on social occasions. It is
used in meetings by managers and executives everywhere to underline their vigorous determination. It is also a favourite of jargon-spewing management consultants as well as Ambitious managers (faking interest as usual) and Unironic managers, who are all Offlish devotees: ‘Who is going to action this?’/
‘Can we look at the actioning of this PDQ?’ There is also an ugly adjective: ‘What’s actionable from the agenda?’ ‘Drive’, ‘land’, ‘nail’ and ‘own’, which are all equally unattractive, are often used as substitutes.

See also Agenda; Ambitious manager; Drive; Land;
Management consultant; Meeting; Nail; Own; Unironic
manager

Action-oriented
= adj: predisposed to action

A mongrel term: the offspring of fashion and baloney.

Usage***** – Unblushing executives who don’t care if they are talking nonsense; pretentious, jargon-ridden job adverts written by empty-headed HR managers; eager-to-please candidates who hope that Offlish will make them appear in-the-club, businesslike, pliant and, therefore, suitable for corporate employment; on-the-make managers who use Offlish gobbledegook to show their seeming commitment to the cause; lazy managers who take refuge in Offlish rather than thinking for themselves; also Unironic managers who don’t know any better. (A similar term is ‘target-oriented’.)

See also Commitment; Human Resources manager;
Unironic manager
Acumen
= n: insight

A fallible idol.

Usage** – In job adverts for a large number of roles and
positions, where it is a synonym for ‘intelligence’ or ‘competence’. It is also favoured by journalists to describe successful executives; however, once the executive is perceived to be
failing, the same quality becomes recklessness or ignorance.