When Malcolm books a cruise on the good ship Perfect, he can't help but hope that the woman of his dreams is just around the corner. Leaving behind his job on the British Potato Marketing Board, Malcolm is determined to put his humiliating experiences with the opposite sex firmly in the past, and unleash the charismatic and irresistible side of himself that he is certain exists. Setting his sights on various possible love interests, he makes a friendly - if somewhat eccentric - group of friends. Malcolm quickly discovers that the cruise is just a guise for their own brand of holiday entertainment, and when they are keen to get him involved, Malcolm wonders if he has taken on more than he can handle. It looks like the path to true love is going to be a rough ride.
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