The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - Hardcover

Gottman, John Mordechai; Silver, Nan

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0609601040 ISBN 13: 9780609601044

Publisher: Crown Pub, 1999

Synopsis

Drawing on groundbreaking research into the dynamics of healthy relationships, a study of the basic principles that make up a happy, long-lasting marriage shares easy-to-understand, helpful advice on how to cope with such issues as work, children, money, sex, and stress. 35,000 first printing. Tour.

About this title

Review:

According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, PhD, author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts.

Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 per cent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the paediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.)

Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty", he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply". Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen

Book Description:

The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track

About this edition

• Publisher: Crown Pub
• Publication date: 1999
• ISBN 10: 0609601040
• ISBN 13: 9780609601044
• Binding: Hardcover
• Edition number: 1
• Number of pages: 271