Titles in this Set:
1. Diddly Squat: A Year On The Farm
2. Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home
3. Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly
4. Diddly Squat: Home to Roost
Description:
Diddly Squat: A Year On The Farm
Welcome to Clarkson's farm.
It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'.
And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it.
From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough.
Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . .
Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home
Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb.
Yet farming continues to be a challenge.
For instance . . .
· Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship?
· Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing?
· It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant?
Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning.
Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . .
Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly
After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming:
whatever you hope will happen, won't.
Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour.
But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon.
And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths.
Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic.
Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner?
Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending?
Diddly Squat: Home to Roost
Welcome back to Clarkson’s Farm.
The spring crop failed. Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative (better off breeding ostriches…)
But in the face of uncooperative weather, bureaucracy, and the world’s persistent refusal to recognise his genius, our hero’s not beaten yet. Not while the farm shop’s still doing a roaring trade in smelly candles, he isn’t.
Misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy’s got the best. And it’s hard to feel too gloomy with a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.
