Kelly Oxford is . . .
A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds
Not the queen of the world
An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher
The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush
A born salesman
Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20
That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time
Totally an expert on strep throat
Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend
A writer
A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes
"Not fat enough to be super snuggly." --Bea, age four
Not above using raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a speeding ticket
"Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that." --Roger Ebert
Sad that David Copperfield doesn't own a falcon
A terrible liar
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Book Description Hardcover. Condition: new. Hardcover. Well, shes bitingly funny, but everybody knows that. Roger Ebert on Kelly Oxford The beautifuland hilariousKelly Oxford has been one of the most hysterical voices on the Internet since it was still a series of tubes. In 1997, she began sharing stories of her life as a young wife and mother on a Geocities page, then on an anonymous blog, then on a MySpace account; eventually she found her metier in the widely followed Tumblr blog Eject and in her raucous, often filthy, always hilarious Twitter feed , which has garnered more than 300,000 followers (adding 1,500 more each week), with frequent retweets from heavy-hitting fans such as Roger Ebert, Jessica Alba, Tony Hawk, Diablo Cody, Kevin Nealon, Susan Orlean, Ann Curry, Adam McKay, Mindy Kaling, and Jonathan Ames. There is no mistaking Kellys voice:Something people in McDonalds have Fries. Something people in McDonalds dont have Ankles.Chicken fried steak is the true American story: A place where even a chicken can be a steak.When my dog smells someones crotch I say, Sorry, shes one of those cancer-smelling dogs.Had my sons hearing tested because hes always yelling. Turns out hes just an asshole.Shes a total psycho. Completely. But I mean, I still like her. Me too, shes sweet. two girls beside me, and everywhere, right now Straight-talking and riotously funny, Kelly Oxford has garnered an incredible following through her trademark blend of biting wit, self-deprecation, and a knack for seeing the hilarity in the everyday. Now, Kelly has written a side-splitting book of essays that shine her blindingly sardonic light on life as she sees it. From childhood to motherhood, from the zany to the tearjerking, Kelly covers it all: from My Soldier Face: Or how I awkwardly broke into modeling by ignoring adults who thought I was weird I Peed my Pants and Threw up on a Chinese Man: Tales of a gas station accident and getting drunk for the first time, in ten minutes flat To Aid and Abet: Interning in a video store and how to handle a man in a wheelchair jerking off in the porno section Finding Leo: Or how to stalk pre-Titanic Leonardo DiCaprio in L.A. on less than $200, but still end up driving a Mercedes An Open Letter to the Nurse Who Gave Me an Enema Bottle and Told Me to Do It Myself While I Was High on MorphineIs Kelly the next David Sedaris The next Chelsea Handler The next Sloane Crosley Nothey were the last Kelly Oxford. In 1997, the author began sharing stories of her life as a young wife and mother on a Geocities page, then on an anonymous blog, then on a MySpace account. This title tells her story. Shipping may be from multiple locations in the US or from the UK, depending on stock availability. Seller Inventory # 9780062102225
Book Description Hardcover. Condition: new. New. Seller Inventory # Wizard0062102222