How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

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9780062066312: How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer.

I know, I know, it sucks not being me.

But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word? How to Archer.

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Product Description:

How to Archer

From the Back Cover:

Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either:

A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.

If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . .

Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).

So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library.

(Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.)

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Sterling Archer
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Sterling Archer
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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2012. Paperback. Book Condition: New. 208 x 137 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. Animated comedy series Archer is a wittily raunchy spy spoof ( Entertainment Weekly ) with a cult following. Set at the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS), suave master spy Sterling Archer deals with global espionage; a domineering, hypersexual, late middle-aged mother/boss, Malory Archer; his ex-girlfriend, Agent Lana Kane; her ISIS accountant boyfriend Cyril Figgis; and, a less-than-masculine code name: Duchess. Stylistically, the show is a mix of the 60s and modern cultures and the book will follow closely with more than 100 colour illustrations from the show. Tentative Outline: Personal Style - you should be spending more on clothes, the importance of a personal tailor, are two buttons one too many, fragrance - Bay Rum or nothing, and Valet vs. Butler; Food and Drink - taste like a spy, the many uses of Greek yogurt, Scotch and Gummi Bears, the Breakfast of Champions, and Men are from Martinis, Women from Vodka; Transportation - how to drive drunk (which you should never do), under the hood, and cool cars and why I drive a Challenger; and, Women - tips for getting ladies (Kinda like The Game but not as shitty), pick-up lines in various languages, and you Don t Have to Put on the Red Light - escorts and you. Also to be included: The Sterling Sutra, Archer s favorite weapons and fighting techniques, and more. Bookseller Inventory # AA89780062066312

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Sterling Archer
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States (2012)
ISBN 10: 0062066315 ISBN 13: 9780062066312
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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2012. Paperback. Book Condition: New. 208 x 137 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. Animated comedy series Archer is a wittily raunchy spy spoof ( Entertainment Weekly ) with a cult following. Set at the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS), suave master spy Sterling Archer deals with global espionage; a domineering, hypersexual, late middle-aged mother/boss, Malory Archer; his ex-girlfriend, Agent Lana Kane; her ISIS accountant boyfriend Cyril Figgis; and, a less-than-masculine code name: Duchess. Stylistically, the show is a mix of the 60s and modern cultures and the book will follow closely with more than 100 colour illustrations from the show. Tentative Outline: Personal Style - you should be spending more on clothes, the importance of a personal tailor, are two buttons one too many, fragrance - Bay Rum or nothing, and Valet vs. Butler; Food and Drink - taste like a spy, the many uses of Greek yogurt, Scotch and Gummi Bears, the Breakfast of Champions, and Men are from Martinis, Women from Vodka; Transportation - how to drive drunk (which you should never do), under the hood, and cool cars and why I drive a Challenger; and, Women - tips for getting ladies (Kinda like The Game but not as shitty), pick-up lines in various languages, and you Don t Have to Put on the Red Light - escorts and you. Also to be included: The Sterling Sutra, Archer s favorite weapons and fighting techniques, and more. Bookseller Inventory # AA89780062066312

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Book Description Softcover. Book Condition: New. Lying is like 95% of what I do. But believe me: in this book, I’ll let you know exactly how to become a master spy just like me. Obviously, you won’t be as good at it as I am, but that’s because you’re you, and I’m Sterling Archer.I know, I know, it sucks not being me. But don’t beat yourself up about it, because I’m going to show you all the good stuff—what to wear; what to drink; how to seduce women (and, when necessary, men); how to beat up men (and, when necessary, women); how to tell the difference between call girls and hookers (hint: when they’re dead, they’re just hookers) and everything about weapons, secret devices, lying ex-girlfriends, and turtlenecks. In a word?How to Archer. Bookseller Inventory # BAA-B-3629599

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