The Dance of Deception: Pretending and Truth-Telling in Women's Lives

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9780060924638: The Dance of Deception: Pretending and Truth-Telling in Women's Lives

When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common resonse.

We all "do deception," often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth.

Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty," we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.

Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork first.

Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of "being oneself," Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths.

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Product Description:

From the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Intimacy comes this groundbreaking exploration of the role of truth-telling and pretending in women’s lives.

According to psychotherapist Harriet G. Lerner, pretending is so inextricably linked with society’s notions of feminine behaviour that it is, quite simply, what women are expected to do. Truth-telling, the opposite of this feminine stereotype, is always associated with authenticity, integrity and self-worth. Going beyond conventional distinctions between deception and honesty, between good and bad, Dr Lerner gives a penetrating and humane analysis of what lying represents in a society where women’s ‘truths’ are so often unspoken truths.

Exploring the concepts of lying and pretending, of truth-telling and honesty as they are played out both in women’s intimate relationships and in society at large, The Dance of Deception offers a convincing and wholly accessible analysis of this unacknowledged part of all our lives.

Product Description:

The Dance of Deception Analyzes what lying represents in a society where women's truths are so often unspoken truths. According to psychologist Harriet Goldhor Lerner, pretending is so inextricably linked with society's notions of feminine behaviour that it is, quite simply, what women are expected to do. Full description

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Lerner, Harriet
Published by William Morrow Paperbacks 1997-03-28 (1997)
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Book Description William Morrow Paperbacks 1997-03-28, 1997. PAPERBACK. Book Condition: New. 0060924632 New book with publisher's mark on edge. A portion of your purchase of this book will be donated to non-profit organizations. Over 1,000,000 satisfied customers since 1997! We ship daily M-F. Choose expedited shipping (if available) for much faster delivery. Delivery confirmation on all US orders. Bookseller Inventory # Z0060924632ZN

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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2003. Paperback. Book Condition: New. Reprint. 201 x 132 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. Well, I don t do deception was a common resonse. We all do deception, often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth. Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women s lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of honesty, we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling. Sometimes Lerner s advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something more real ; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a hot issue without laying the necessary groundwork first. Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of being oneself, Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths. Bookseller Inventory # AAB9780060924638

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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2003. Paperback. Book Condition: New. Reprint. 201 x 132 mm. Language: English . Brand New Book. When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. Well, I don t do deception was a common resonse. We all do deception, often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth. Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women s lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of honesty, we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling. Sometimes Lerner s advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something more real ; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a hot issue without laying the necessary groundwork first. Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of being oneself, Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths. Bookseller Inventory # AAB9780060924638

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Book Description 1997. PAP. Book Condition: New. New Book. Shipped from US within 10 to 14 business days. Established seller since 2000. Bookseller Inventory # VC-9780060924638

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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc, United States, 2003. Paperback. Book Condition: New. Reprint. 201 x 132 mm. Language: English . This book usually ship within 10-15 business days and we will endeavor to dispatch orders quicker than this where possible. Brand New Book. When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. Well, I don t do deception was a common resonse. We all do deception, often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth. Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women s lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of honesty, we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling. Sometimes Lerner s advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something more real ; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a hot issue without laying the necessary groundwork first. Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of being oneself, Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths. Bookseller Inventory # BTE9780060924638

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Book Description HarperCollins Publishers Inc. Paperback. Book Condition: new. BRAND NEW, The Dance of Deception: Pretending and Truth-Telling in Women's Lives, Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Pretending, says Harriet Lerner, is so closely associated with femininity that it is, quite simply, what the culture teaches women to do. Truth-telling is, on the other hand, closely linked to whatever is most essential in people's lives. It is the foundation of authenticity, self-regard, intimacy, integrity and joy. In this book, Dr Lerner first looks at when and why women are often compelled to pretend - to protect themselves and their relationships - and goes on to discuss the difference between privacy and secrecy, why women have a hard time telling the truth even when they want to, and all the ramifications of pretending and truth-telling, in the most intimate relationships and in society as a whole. She shows how pretending sets up false scenarios and artificial bonds, and blocks possibilities for deeper intimacy and the potential for healing. This book offers women insight into their own behaviour, as well as the behaviour of others, and provides guidance for changing behaviour patterns that stand in the way of intimacy. It also shows how the commonality of female experience allows women to share what they feel is most shameful and private, allowing them to challenge old lies and myths, and create the space for truth in their lives. Bookseller Inventory # B9780060924638

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