Danny Yates Must Die (Voyager)

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9780006483809: Danny Yates Must Die (Voyager)

You have never read anything like this in your life. Guaranteed – or twice your money back. A truly remarkable comic debut.

If you put Mel Brooks, Eddie Izzard, Spike Milligan, and Salvador Dali around a table in an enclosed room with no lights and a few cylinders of Nitrous Oxide fizzing away in the corner and asked them to write a book, they might have come up with Danny Yates Must Die. But why bother when Stephen Walker can do it unaided?

It follows the adventures of sad Danny Yates on the run from the Great Osmosis, formerly a failed magician, now a rapacious landlord with a bucket permanently attached to his head. Along the way, Danny meets up with:

• Teena Rama, a scientist so beautiful she has to sedate people to stop them falling in love with her
• a gang of nuns who know wonderful songs about sea-horsies
• a giant alien ant intent on world domination with his fledgling army of one earwig and one cockroach (both dead)
• his only friend Lucy who point-blank refuses to help him in any way because she’s still cataloguing all the possible permutations of breast shape, weight, nipple structure and directional swing that exist within the human species.

"synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.

Review:

It all starts in a comics shop, which proves highly appropriate. Merely by destroying this emporium, wimpy Danny Yates rouses the wrath of its comics-influenced owner the Great Osmosis, a melodramatic fiend who'd be twirling sinister moustachios if his head weren't invariably masked by a bucket (with smoking eyeholes). Then there's Destructor, the monster alien ant who plans to conquer Earth but for now is sharing a flat; Boggy Bill the legendary suburban Bigfoot; Madam Fifi the toe-stealing pedicurist; and mild-mannered accountant Arnold Meekly, who when annoyed transforms into the unstoppable Human Tube Line. What have all these to do with Danny's personal lust-object, luscious but unattainable young scientist Teena Rama (eight Nobel prizes to date), and her terrifying Xeta Ray? Where exactly do the various rats, rabbits, pentacles, disembodied legs, meat pies, and breast implants fit in? Better not to ask. Rapid-fire scenes of surreal farce, some very funny, are strung on the thinnest possible thread of near-logic. As they say, people who like books like this will like this book. Probably.

This insanity is Stephen Walker's first novel. God knows what apocalyptic convulsions may ravage our tortured Earth if he is permitted to complete a second. --David Langford

From the Back Cover:

YOU HAVE NEVER READ ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE – GUARANTEED

Danny Yates is a bit sad, really. He has a pathological fear of shelves and is convinced Boggy Bill, a local yeti-like creature of dubious provenance, is out to get him. The Great Osmosis, former magician now rapacious landlord with a bucket fetish, wants his hide too. And he’s real. Homeless and on the run Danny Yates needs help. He won’t get it from:
• Teena Rama, a scientist so beautiful she has to sedate people to stop them falling in love with her.

• His only friend Lucy who point-blank refuses to help him in any way because she’s still cataloguing all the possible permutations of breast shape, weight, nipple structure and directional swing that exist within the human species.

If you put Mel Brooks, Eddie Izzard, Spike Milligan and Salvador Dali around a table in a locked room with a few cylinders of Nitrous Oxide for refreshment and asked them to write a book, they might have come up with 'Danny Yates Must Die'. But why bother when Stephen Walker can do it alone?

"About this title" may belong to another edition of this title.

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